Hi,
I've worked full-time outside the house except during my 10 week maternity leaves. However, my work situation sounds different from yours. I have regular hours, usually not more than 8.5 hours per day, and the work is not very high pressure.
Weare also lucky that both my husband and I usually have 5-day work weeks.
The way I handle it....
I try to give good and loving attention to my kids, even when I am tired. I have had reliable helpers. My husband fills in for me when I can't do some things, as I do for him.
re: helper
Hire someone who has good common sense and good education. Either a woman who has had some college, or a very bright high school graduate, who is interested in reading.
Our first helper had been a primary school teacher in the Philippines for many years and her own children were in their teens and early twenties when she started with us.
Our second had only finished high school, but loved to read and was interested in learning more about child development and reading recipe books and trying new things.
Have good communication and VERY clear expectations. For example, some people think a good way to discipline a child is to say "If you don't listen I'll have the policeman arrest you" or something along those lines. I am very much against that, and told my helpers that this is something that was unacceptable. I told them never to threaten anything they couldn't or wouldn't do; but also if they make a threat or condition "we will not play outside until you have tidied your blocks away" then Do it.
For babies, this is less of an issue, but if your baby is 8 months now, by the end of your helper's first contract he or she will be almost three.
Remember that your helper is the helper. You and your husband are the PARENTS. Even when I was often tired from my day's work, I would give the kids their bath and read them their stories and put them to bed. On many mornings I would make them their breakfast (toast & soy milk - very easy).
When they were small babies, I would sleep with them or my husband would. The excption was Friday nights when we would have the helper look after them if they cried in their sleep or woke up early, so we could have 1 good nights rest per week.
When they cried in the night, I would go to them, even if I had to get up the next morning and go to work. When they were sick, I took them to the doctor (found one who had hours in the evening).
Of course when a child gets older, he or she will try to play you and the helper off each other. Do not take it to heart - children will do the same thing if their granny or an auntie lives with you.
Sometimes my husband used to complain about all the work we did w/ the kids. Why not have the helper feed them dinner, wash them, and put them to bed and let us rest in the evening? I felt very strongly (and still do) that if we were there, we should look after the kids.
The gratification is often small and slow. But now that my kids are in primary school and bathe themselves and often go to bed reading their own books after a kiss and cuddle from mama and baba, I think it was worth it. The closeness we cultivated when they were babies and toddlers remains.
terry said:
I am considering going back to work shortly, full time and more often than not away out of town. My husband too works full time, often away for 1-2 nights a couple of times a month. I would love to hear from those mum's that also work full time, plus perhaps go away for business and how they handle it with a baby?? I have an 8 month old and still have to find a helper - any advice please!! How do you handle the guilt? What do you ask of your helper, aside from the obvious - look after my precious child please!
Any advice on what to look for when hiring our helper - (am getting the Julie Jacobson (sp?) book for help too), what to ask her, what to expect?
Does your child go to your helper more than you when you are home? Sorry these may sound like silly questions but it's eating away at me....
Any advice/help would be most appreciated, Thanks.
