To Full Time Working Mums - need advice pls!!

Hi, I am a full-time working mother of a 2.6 year-old boy. My job requires extensive traveling having the international market as my responsibility. Six months after giving birth, I've had to continue traveling (up to this day). So most of the time, aside from my husband, my helper would take care of him. I too had problems with my son being close to the helper but I had to dismiss that feeling because my helper was doing a good job taking care of him. Those times when I didn't travel, I had to teach both my son and train the helper even more. I made sure that the upbringing of my son takes after mine --- not my helper's upbringing. I'm not saying hers is not good though. Now that my son is 2.6 years old, he knows who his mommy is and who the helper is. He treats the helper as "family" but very well knows who his parents are. When I arrive home, it's Mommy, not helper. I guess you just have to trust your helper and treat her like family so she gives her best as well. Get someone from the Philippines because they are good-natured and speak good English.
 
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hi there,

sorry to be the devil's advocate, but if you believe the choice you've made is a good one (to work)in your situation, why do you need constant reassurrence from an external source that you've made the right decision? (btw. one should be weary of relying too heavily on unscientific articles, that is opinion based articles, quoting unsubstanciated statistics with no proper reference to source)

I really don't think there is a "right" decision, it depends on what you and your hubby believe is in the best interest of the family - each decision comes with it's pros and cons, there isn't, or shouldn't be, a "war" as the article suggests!!!!!!!!
 
To all working moms,

I would like to share with you my dilema. My baby is 15 months old. I went straight back to work after the 10 wks' maternity leave. Since then, my life has been centered upon my daughter, everyday after work, I would try to spend as much time with her as possible, reading books with her, feeding her, playing with her etc. She has always been very close to me, as I am, to her. When I come home, she will run to me, away from the helper.

For the past two days, I have noticed that my baby has grown really close to my helper. My baby started to call my helper "MAMA", my helper did not correct her, neither did I (for I haven't yet figured out how or whether I should react to that) . She would not let me hold her and kept crying until she was attended to by my helper. I was devasted and broke down in tears.

I am now second guessing whether I am making the right decision of remianing to be a working mom. I thought I have managed to juggle between work and family pretty well , and it was for the long term interest of the family that I continue to maintain a career so that she may be well provided for. But seeimgly I could be wrong. Can others please advise me whether this is just a phase that many working moms have gone through. My hubby comforted me and said babies are very primitive, whoever takes care of that baby is a motherly figure to him/her, it does not mean she prefers one "mom" over another, in time, she will know that there is only one mom, and that is me.
 
Hi Joyce,

In my experience, this is just a phase. I too felt the same way when my son was your child's age. Both my helper and I would correct my son when he would call my helper "Mommy". He would also be comfortable only when the helper picks him up. Sometimes he would call for the helper even when I'm around. That really crushed me. Then I realized that it wasn't that bad at all because now at 2 and a half years, my son clearly disinguishes his mom from the helper.

Just make sure that you spend quality time with your child as soon as you're home. Also, make sure that the helper corrects your child whenever he makes this mistake.
 
To be a working mum or a stay-at-home mum could be a big dilemma to many, but it will be a relatively easy decision to make if you believe:

- the early years is the most critical period of the child's life, in the sense that he/she is extremely receptive to input, and thus the main caretaker has a crucially influential role to play in facilitating his/her language and cognitive development, as well as shaping his/her personality and behaviour;

- this window to developing the amazingly huge potential of the child opens only for a limited period of time: once it is closed the situation is irreversible!

- your career can wait (but the child can't) or new opportunities could arise when time is ripe (perhaps when the child starts full-day schooling);

And of course the basic assumption is that finance is not a problem and the husband supports the decision.

Linda
 
There is no substitute for a mother. Not a even grandmother or auntie, let alone a helper.

I went part time in Feb 2006, when my son was 2.5 yo.

I used to spend "quality" time with him. I was forever tired. I used to work 10 to 12 hr days. He definitely knew I was mom and helper (who absolutely loved him and took v good care of him) was helper.

But ... he needs a mother. Proper parenting. Bonding with mother. Learn by example.

He has developed so much, socially, healthwise, language, logic etc in the last 5 months even the caretaker commented on it. The teacher was absolutely amazed.

A child needs someone there to answer his questions, his curiosity, to teach him values (not just reading books) and appropriate discipline.

Quality time is not good enough for a young child. You need to be there when it happens to tell him your views, your values, you cannot do it afterwards after the helper reported the day's happenings.

If I have to do it all over again, I would have gone part time when my son was 6 mths old.

Rgds

e
 
Joyce,

re: "Mama" - speak to your helper and ask your helper to teach your daughter to call her "Auntie" or "Yiyi" or JieJie, or something like that.

re: worrying about baby coming to love the helper.
This is normal -that you worry about it and that the baby loves the helper. It would be far more worrisome if she did not love the helper. It shows she's in good hands while you're away.

Love is not a zero-sum game. It's not as though your baby has only X amount of love and if she gives 1/2 of X to your helper, you and your husband have to divide the left-over love between you. :)

My kids loved our first helper and that was great. They also loved me and my husband and their grannies, etc.

Instead or worrying, try to focus on having the best time you can w/ your baby and doing what you can with her. Then she knows that her Mama is an important part of her life and that her parents will always be there for her.

I went back to work when both my kids were 10 weeks old and work full-time and we are very close and loving and they know who is mama :)
 
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