Random people touching my little one (rant)

[howardcoombs]

My biggest issue with it now is that my son is 6. He has been learing a lot about stranger danger etc and it gets confusing for him as we have two completely different reactions depending where we are! In hong kong if strangers come up and start talking to him, and taking pictures we don't really react any more but in the UK if a stranger started taking pictures of my children I would be calling the police.

Personally, I continually encourage my kids to talk to strangers as I dont believe in StrangerDanger. I'm a big believer in FreeRange and do my utmost to encourage my kids to be independent and not fearful. Be cautious and wise, but dont be fearful. Talking, taking pictures and playing are OK. Leaving the area, getting into cars is a big NoNo!

I am quite curious though why you have chosen to give your child such conflicting messages. Whats wrong with a UK citizen talking and/or taking pictures of your child while a Chinese one is perfectly alright?

When we are out and people come up to talk to my son, he doesnt answer as he can be very shy and I always say "say hello" etc and he turns to me and says "but they are strangers mum and you told me never to talk to strangers". It is very confusing trying to explain that in HK it is fine but in UK it is not!

Its no wonder he is confused :-( Kids really do need reinforcement and consistent messages.

In our family, it doesnt matter if its White, Chinese, Indian, Black - man or woman. Be polite, smile, say hello and talk and play but stay in the area and stay in public. Whether we are in Canada, UK, Hong Kong or China; the same consistent rules apply.

HC

 

[1stimemum]

i belong to the camp that firmly believes its not right to let them touch my baby. I have no idea who they are, where their hands have been and I dont want to encourage the notion that anyone can pick my child up and later on , even walk away. The little one is going to get very confusing messages about boundaries.

but i know every parent is different and we all make our own personal decisions.

 

[howardcoombs]

i belong to the camp that firmly believes its not right to let them touch my baby.
but i know every parent is different and we all make our own personal decisions.

As you are in Hong Kong and the norm here is a bit different, prepare yourself for a lot of stress and anguish for your personal decision. Whether you like it or not, people *will* come up and touch your baby/toddler and in general they wont ask for permission. You will then get upset and stressed and in turn, most likely you will make the other person feel bad in the process when all they wanted to do was to show some love and affection to a beautiful child.

It would be much better for everyone (including you) if you just get used to the idea as this is the norm here.

I have no idea who they are, where their hands have been and I dont want to encourage the notion that anyone can pick my child up and later on , even walk away. The little one is going to get very confusing messages about boundaries.

Suggestion to avoid confusion:
Talk, play, take photos == OK
Try to leave the area, away from mummy's eyes == Its NOT OK; Kick, yell, scream!

HC

 

[carang]

HC, agree completely!

 

[AmyH]

HC as you have pointed out, it is the norm in Hong Kong so we have tried to adjust to this as we live here and expect it to happen but it certainly is not the norm in the UK or Ireland for a stranger to just come up and start taking pics of your children and I personally have never ever felt the need to take pictures of other people's children.
When he is with us, we have no issues with him talking to strangers but when he is alone he is not allowed to.

 

[City Jammer]

I know what everyone means here Yes, I got that a lot too while travelling with my little girl since she was 2 months old and she is now 22 months. There was one incident when a lady jumped out of nowhere while I was pushing her stroller into the MTR station. She had strange makeup on, like a little child who is trying on makeup for the first time. She ran up to us, laughed really loud, grab my little girl and planted a big kiss on her cheek, leaving a deep red lipstick stain! I was stunned for a couple of seconds and then the lady ran off. Other than that, my little girl waves goodbye to everyone and says it in a very loud voice whenever we leave a shop or a cafe I figure it's quite harmless. Just bring a pack of Messy Times wet tissues with you whenever you go out with your little one

 

[howardcoombs]

HC as you have pointed out, it is the norm in Hong Kong so we have tried to adjust to this as we live here and expect it to happen but it certainly is not the norm in the UK or Ireland for a stranger to just come up and start taking pics of your children and I personally have never ever felt the need to take pictures of other people's children.

Fair enough, its certainly not the norm in the UK, but calling the police (as you mentioned in a previous post)? Isnt that a bit extreme? What harm does/did the photographer do?
If it was me, I'd just smile and move on. Most likely the photograph taker is a tourist who doesnt know that taking pictures in the UK is a sensetive thing.

When he is with us, we have no issues with him talking to strangers but when he is alone he is not allowed to.

Hmmm; so what do you tell your 6yo about getting lost and getting help? If he is not allowed to talk to strangers without your presence, how will he get help?

We started telling our kids from about 4 years old that if we get seperated or they get lost, try to stay in the same area and dont go off too far. Find the nearest person and ask politely to use their cell phone to call us so we can come and find them.

HC

 

[AmyH]

There is a big difference between him approaching an adult for help if he is lost, and a stranger approaching him when he is out with his friends alone (this happens in Ireland as my parents live in the countryside so they play in the field in the back of the house).

He is fully aware of what to do if he gets lost and it is very similar to what you have said. He is told to just stay where he is, speak to a grown up and he has memorised my mobile number since he was 4 so can contact us.

PS you are right - the calling of the police is a bit extreme and has never been done!

 

[AmyH]

When I say (this happens in Ireland.....) I don't mean that strangers approach him! I mean he goes out alone!

 

[jvn]

I have mixed feelings about this, I absolutely think there's no point in getting wound up about the usual occurrences of this sort of thing as every excursion out of the house would be annoying, it's nicely meant for the most part, and even the occasional unwanted advice can easily be ignored. But yes, some people any country are odd and can make you feel uncomfortable, I personally don't want to be unkind as they probably can't help it but at the same time there is a protective instinct that cuts in when they're overly interested in your baby.

Having said that, The Boy was reaching fingers-in-the-mouth stage around the height of swine flu and I did feel the need to wipe the bits that strangers had touched back then. Now he's happy to eat shoes every time my back is turned so I'm pretty sure nothing a stranger has got can be any worse!

AmyH - I was wondering what you were saying about the people in rural Ireland!