How to train a 2 year old to fall asleep by herself...?

[marlie]

My little one cannot fall asleep by herself but need either me or the helper to pat her and sing her songs until she falls asleep - and it can take hours - if we leave half way before she falls asleep she cries and yells and we are back into square one... How do I get her to fall asleep by herself??

 

[hunhun]

Have you watched Supper Nanny? According to Jo Frost's Sleep Separation Technique:-
1. When you put your child to bed, give him a cuddle and tell him it's time to go to sleep, then sit very closely to he bed on the floor
2. Turn him so he's facing away from you. If he keeps eye contact with you, he will try to start a conversation. Tell him to close his eyes and that's it's time to sleep
3. Make sure lights off, and door open
4. Sit in silence, don't look at him. Each time he tries to talk to you, just tell him "Sleep", don't look at him.
5. The next night, repeat the same thing, but sit a little further away from the bed. Move further and further each night.
6. The last stage is sitting outside the room door, with the door ajar.
The technique is going to take a while, and will break your hear when he cries and screams. But remember, that you are breaking a habit that would otherwise go on for years.

Good Luck!

 

[barbwong_130]

When I was trying to get my eldest child to sleep on her own without me lying with her I would tidy her room while I waited with her. We would have half an hour together ? either reading together or just lying together if I was too tired. Then I?d get up and explain that I needed to collect her toys but that I was still there. This got two jobs done at the same time and so I didn?t resent the time getting her to sleep so much.

My daughter is now 18 years old and I still sometimes spend half an hour chatting with her as she goes to sleep. Nowadays it is usually only once or twice a month. It is no longer because she needs me there in order to fall asleep but rather because it is our private time that my other children won?t interrupt.

Best wishes,
Barb

 

[Valencia]

Hi, marlie,

If it takes hours for your 2 year old to get to sleep, I guess she is not tired. Since she is 2 and needs less sleep than before. My daughter stopped taking afternoon naps since she was 2. She has no problem going to bed because before she was born, I have decided not to cuddle her or talk her to bed because I can't afford the time. Maybe you can try cutting the time of her afternoon nap and delaying her bedtime, let her play by herself or watch TV in the sitting room, so that you and your helper are free with your chores. My daughter is now 4 and she is forced to have a 1 hr nap at school, so I let her play the computer at night until she is tired for bed. :gl:

 

[marlie]

>Valencia

Does your little one get cranky if she doesn't get enough rest? We tried to shorten the afternoon nap but she was very upset and it took us a long time to calm her down - afterwards we adopted the "let sleeping lion lie" approach.

It doesn't always take long - the annoying thing is that if she is dozing and not completely asleep she will wake up as soon as you creep out the room...

>hunhun

I have watched some episodes of Super Nanny but must have missed that particular part. Question: when do you actually get out of the room - before or after she falls asleep? and what are you supposed to do when she screams and cries?

Thanks everyone! Really grateful for your input.

 

[Valencia]

Marlie,

You've raised a good point. This is what we do. My husband and I try to prevent her from having a nap, which usually happens before dinner. If she wakes up before dinner , she gets cranky and we all have a hard time. I'll try to give her something she likes to calm her down. If she falls asleep just before dinner, then I'll wake her up after I've finished mine and bathe her (she's usually crying in her bath but after the bath she's OK) and take her to bed with a bottle of milk. But since 2 yrs old she seldom has a nap, only once or twice a week, or when she is sick and under medication. When she has a nap, she just dozes off naturally and we let her stay on the sofa and put on a blanket. We never force her to take a nap. Whenever she has a nap she'll go to bed later than usual.

 

[hunhun]

Marlie,

The answer to your question is AFTER.

Hunhun

 

[hunhun]

Oops! Nearly missed your other question. When she screams or cries. You do nothing, just stare at the wall or look down on the floor. I know it's heartbreaking. In the Super Nanny television series, most of the mothers ended up in tears, but just remember, you are helping your daughter to break a habit that would otherwise take years to overcome.

 

[barbwong_130]

How do you know it will take years to overcome?
All my children slept by themselves without resorting to leaving them to cry.
Here's a question I?d like to ask. Imagine you were scared or sad enough to start crying. What if another adult you loved knew you were crying, but refused to hug you, reminding you that you'd had a hug just an hour ago or that it was dark outside and so you couldn?t have one? You would probably stop crying eventually on your own, but wouldn't you feel better if that other adult had comforted you when you needed it?

 

[marlie]

>barb
I guess the issue you raised is the same debated by parents everywhere - is the cry it out method a necessary evil or is it downright cruel.

I haven't yet formed a view - I am still trying to get as much info as possible. If you didn't use the CIO, how did you train your children to sleep by themselves?

My helper sleeps with my 2 year old which is a reason why we have been slow in training her up. We are about to move and in the new flat the helper will not be in the same room - so we are bracing ourselves for the inevitable...