Does your helper stay out late?

[Bumps]

.....

" So it seems she is happy to work like a slave"

She is probably not happy at all. More likely so scared that she can not get another job as she has a family in her home country that she needs to look after. As a result of her stress, her work suffers, her mental health suffers, the children she is caring for may suffer... I am sure that the employer would know the rules about employee staff and they should. Some people don't see the connection between a content employee and a job well done.

 

[Lucylou]

My helper has no curfew on her days off and as far as I am concerned, she can do what she likes on her days/time off. It allows her the freedom of meeting other people and leading some sort of a normal life. I get so angry when I see helpers working a 7 day week or not getting Public Holidays off. We get to go out in the evenings for dinner/cinema trips so why should we treat them any different? A couple of times my Helper has told me in advance that she will be staying out and I am fine with that.

As far as I can see, giving my helper some freedom on her days off allows for her doing a better job in the long run as she appreciates us more and she is not imprisoned 24/7 in the confines of our apartment - if anything...it's healthy.

 

[HappyV]

Bumps - where have you been all my life??

I think there are three things to keep in mind here:
1. The helper/employer relationship is inherently intimate - you have to share living space. If you, as an employer, expect your helper to live with you, then you have to accept that it is no longer just your living space, it is their living space, too. (ie. if your husband is disturbed by the front door opening, tell him to use earplugs. How on earth did he cope when chilren cried during the night?)
2. Everyonbe needs time off tp recharge their batteries. For me, the ideal way to recharge is a pack of Tim Tams, a block of chocolate and an old move. Other like to dance it out, and others (God forbid) like to talk to men. Perhaps yuor helper even has a boyfriend - so what? It's their business. Are you going to try and dictate the social mores of everyone who comes into contact with your kids?
3. Having said that, if you feel that the helper's work is suffering, then by all means you have the right to request an improvement. But I am not sure that it should be up to an employer to dictate where/how they spend their off time. Helpers may not be as wordly wise as some of the women in here, but most if them work very hard to support their families, and are making a sacrifice we couldn't dream of. As has been mentioned, many are well educated (ie. speak English better than their employers - ) and just becasue someone isn;t from a big international city doesn not mean they do not understand the intricacies of life. You get low life in small country towns, just as you get narrow minded, provincial people in the big ones.....

 

[LeahH]

I couldn't agree with Happy V's point 3 more - the ONLY reason for prescribing what a helper does on her own time is if it negatively effects her work.

That said, I have both gone into work and looked after my kids with a raging hangover. Neither situation is pleasant, but it happens on occasion and the sky doesn't fall in.

Personally, I don't think 10pm on a weeknight is late at all.
Midnight on the weekend is pretty reasonable also.

The helpers in our building meet up in the common areas and sit chatting and laughing til around midnight on Sunday's, sometimes during the week also.

Even if they were dancing WITH MEN in Wanchai I wouldn't consider it to be any of my business (unless of course it was 'business'...).

In any other country that would be wholly normal behavior for a single woman in her 20s/30s.

 

[carang]

wanfamily, i hope you know that my posts were not directed to you (unless specifically stated) but rather to a poster after yours.

i am in no doubt whatsoever that you are trying to do right by yourself and your helper.

good luck!

 

[AndreaY]

.....

" So it seems she is happy to work like a slave"

She is probably not happy at all. More likely so scared that she can not get another job as she has a family in her home country that she needs to look after. As a result of her stress, her work suffers, her mental health suffers, the children she is caring for may suffer... I am sure that the employer would know the rules about employee staff and they should. Some people don't see the connection between a content employee and a job well done.

I don't know the situation that was cited, but with our helper, she chooses to work on some of her days off. I do not work her like a slave. I told both our helpers that we appreciate their help (making it easier on us) and if they choose to work on their days off, we will pay them extra for their work. One chooses to take her days off to see friends, the other wants to send more money home, and we are fine with both decisions. What I am trying to say is that just becos a helper works on her day off, it does not automatically mean she is treated like a slave, sometimes it is the helper's personal choice.

As for curfew, I ask my helpers to come back before 10pm and they are fine with it, in fact, they come back mostly before 9pm. I was told that there was not much to do after 10pm. In any case, I think since clubbing or staying out very late was not generally something they did in their home country, they are not really asked to give up something they view as normality/necessity. On the occasions that my helpers had something special going on and needed extra time out, we were fine with it. We just wanted to know that they are safe and when to expect them home.

Obviously, if you are of the school who thinks that it is ok for helpers to hang around nightclubs, run around with lots of different men, drink and smoke and come back all hours during their day off (being their own biz and no one elses), then it's great, cos that means you will never have a single worry or fear about your helper ever.

If like me, you worry about your helper smoking, getting pregnant etc etc, I do not think it's terribly unreasonable to impose a few ground rules. I know having a curfew does not mean a helper would not get up to no good, but it does limit some less desirable places or acts that one associates with nighttime. I assume this is also the reason why we try to tell teenagers not to stay out so late. But I think these house rules should be laid out when one is hiring, so both sides can know what to expect of each other. If a helper thinks it's unreasonable, then she has the choice of not working for that particular employer.

 

[carang]

"Oviously, if you are of the school who thinks that it is ok for helpers to hang around nightclubs, run around with lots of different men, drink and smoke and come back all hours during their day off (being their own biz and no one elses), then it's great, cos that means you will never have a single worry or fear about your helper ever."

i came here as a 22 year old single female. i was right out of uni. and i had decided i really wanted to experience hong kong. i had a GREAT time! yes, i went to nightclubs (where people smoked~not me... i think it is disgusting!), i danced with men (uh oh, i'm in trouble now), i may even have ended up dating some (oops, i guess we all forget what it is like to be young, huh!?!?)! yes, i drank. yes, i got drunk. yes, sometimes i even went home with my date (is that too much information?). i had NO ONE here to take care of me. that was fine. i was an ADULT. i chose to do what i did. i was having fun! i ALWAYS went to work the next day and probably worked even harder if i was suffering a little.

this does NOT make me a bad person. this does NOT make my irresponsible!


as i used to tell my mother, "if i'm going to get up to no good, i can just as easily do it at 1pm as 1am...." my mother agreed.

funnily enough... my mum was fairly lenient with me when i was younger.

 

[carang]

.... and i turned out ok... (at least i think i did.)

 

[HappyV]

carang - couldn't agree more.

** Since when do smoking and getting pregnant operate on the same level of 'unacceptable?? A helper can get pregnant at 8pm just as easily as at 10.05pm. Ditto for employers being overly fastidious when it comes to minding other people's morals.

 

[AndreaY]

i came here as a 22 year old single female. i was right out of uni. and i had decided i really wanted to experience hong kong. i had a GREAT time! yes, i went to nightclubs (where people smoked~not me... i think it is disgusting!), i danced with men (uh oh, i'm in trouble now), i may even have ended up dating some (oops, i guess we all forget what it is like to be young, huh!?!?)! yes, i drank. yes, i got drunk. yes, sometimes i even went home with my date (is that too much information?). i had NO ONE here to take care of me. that was fine. i was an ADULT. i chose to do what i did. i was having fun! i ALWAYS went to work the next day and probably worked even harder if i was suffering a little.

this does NOT make me a bad person. this does NOT make my irresponsible!

Carang - In fact, that made you incredibly responsible, cos I am sure you were informed enough to have safe sex and not get any sexual diseases or pregnant either. And even if you did, I am also sure you would know how to and had the money to deal with it. I am not trying to be rude or sarcastic. But there are a lot of young helpers out there who are not as informed as a young you and such temptation may lead to undesirable consequences.

Yes, it's true that if you are going to get up to no good, you can just as easily do it at 1pm as 1am. But no one really goes clubbing at 1pm, so I assume eliminating the 1am would also eliminate the clubbing scenario. There is no rule that "good time" leads to trouble, but it can. The difference is that I am not my helper's mother, so I do not have unconditional love for them even if they do err.

As I said, if one does want to impose a curfew, it should be explained before hiring, if that has been agreed before both parties, there really should be no more concern on that matter.