Why Chinese Mothers are Superior...??
- Thread starter nicolejoy
- Start date
Sometime the truth is ugly, bu there is a difference between saying it in a positive or in a negative way. My parents always use the negative way... they kind of think that it will make us push and try harder if they put it that way.
I think no one is perfect in this world, and most of the time, it depends if you see the glass of water as half full or half empty. My mom seems to focus always on the empty side of the glass. Again, I was very unlucky, as my baby, my brother's baby, and my cousin's grandson were all born on the same week. My mom just said "well, lets see who grow faster!". So she just keeps on comparing our babies. For example, my brother's baby and my cousin's grandson already got their first teeth, while mine still hasn't (mine is also the skinniest one as I breastfeed and probably due to his eczema, he didn't gain much weight). My mom just said that my baby was slow. I told her that every baby grow at his own speed. She said "sure, and yours will always be the slowest one!".
You should tell your mom that actually getting teeth early isn't a sign of anything particularly good--it is actually a sign of aging. One hundred years ago before our world was as full of chemicals/pesticides/preservatives/pollution as it is now and when people were eating a more whole-food diet children often didn't get their teeth until much later (3-years-old) and that was considered normal.
Much in the same way that girls are starting puberty earlier and earlier due to hormonal influences in the environment (hormone-mimicking plastics, hormones in meat and dairy etc.) dental age is one of the indicators of maturity. So, children who get their teeth early are basically growing up faster (physically) and in the end that means they're further ahead in the aging process which means basically, to be morbid, they're closer to death (because that's where all life leads to--no one gets to escape it). This is part of the reason why studying teeth is useful in crime investigation and even in anthropology.
Anyway, whether your children get teeth early or not is inconsequential in the long run.
Yes, I guess having a child is a kind of investment after all
I'd rather take my chances with a mutual fund--much better for the family relationships.
TheQuasimother
Registered User
My mom seems to focus always on the empty side of the glass. Again, I was very unlucky, as my baby, my brother's baby, and my cousin's grandson were all born on the same week. My mom just said "well, lets see who grow faster!". So she just keeps on comparing our babies. For example, my brother's baby and my cousin's grandson already got their first teeth, while mine still hasn't (mine is also the skinniest one as I breastfeed and probably due to his eczema, he didn't gain much weight). My mom just said that my baby was slow. I told her that every baby grow at his own speed. She said "sure, and yours will always be the slowest one!".
Gataloca...
My mum is like that. She's constantly comparing. And as her daughter and a parent, I know that I don't want my child to feel the way she's made me feel all my life! It's become worse since my sister (her perfect child) has had a child. She's a typical Asian parent. So, as an adult, I've learnt to distance myself from her and distance her grandkids away from her. I don't need her negative energy. If and when she does visit or see my kids, she's under strict instructions not to compare or impose her opinions on my children if not, I'll take them away. Or, I'll blatantly point out that Grandma is wrong. No child should have to endure that from someone who is supposed to love them the most. My policy is that if they (in my case my mum) doesn't know any better, then she should learn. And over time, she's worked it out and now, very rarely would compare my child's ability to another.
This may be of interest - an article where Amy Chua responds to comments about the extract from her book:
http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/
One of the things she says in the interview is:
"There is no easy formula for parenting, no right approach (I don’t believe, by the way, that Chinese parenting is superior—a splashy headline, but I didn’t choose it). The best rule of thumb I can think of is that love, compassion and knowing your child have to come first, whatever culture you’re from. It doesn’t come through in the excerpt, but my actual book is not a how-to guide; it’s a memoir, the story of our family’s journey in two cultures, and my own eventual transformation as a mother. Much of the book is about my decision to retreat from the strict “Chinese” approach, after my younger daughter rebelled at 13."
http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/
One of the things she says in the interview is:
"There is no easy formula for parenting, no right approach (I don’t believe, by the way, that Chinese parenting is superior—a splashy headline, but I didn’t choose it). The best rule of thumb I can think of is that love, compassion and knowing your child have to come first, whatever culture you’re from. It doesn’t come through in the excerpt, but my actual book is not a how-to guide; it’s a memoir, the story of our family’s journey in two cultures, and my own eventual transformation as a mother. Much of the book is about my decision to retreat from the strict “Chinese” approach, after my younger daughter rebelled at 13."
nicolejoy
Registered User
It does - BUT the "cynical" side of me thinks "how convenient!" - Amy Chua writes the article and then can claim "Oh I'm not as severe as I sound, just buy my book and see". WSJ got probably millions of hits on the article, the book gets an enormous amount of publicity, and it's a win-win for everyone involved.
I think probably she knew full well when she was putting that essay together that it would inflame public response and that was her intent. Yes I've heard that the book is much more mild and she can recognise her own mistakes in part etc, but I do think that she wrote that essay knowing full well how it would come across. She's a smart lady.
I think probably she knew full well when she was putting that essay together that it would inflame public response and that was her intent. Yes I've heard that the book is much more mild and she can recognise her own mistakes in part etc, but I do think that she wrote that essay knowing full well how it would come across. She's a smart lady.
carang
Registered User
oh, yeah, it is/was a COMPLETE and total publicity stunt. i'm sure they knew how the article would get passed around and discussed.
funny thing though, the article totally put me off of buying the book. before i read the article, i could see myself buying it.. after, not so much.
funny thing though, the article totally put me off of buying the book. before i read the article, i could see myself buying it.. after, not so much.
rani
Administrator
The book is called "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" and it hasn't reached any bestselling lists yet.
I'm surprised they've described it as as "An awe-inspiring, often hilarious, and unerringly honest story of one mother's exercise in extreme parenting, revealing the rewards-and the costs-of raising her children the Chinese way."
I'm surprised they've described it as as "An awe-inspiring, often hilarious, and unerringly honest story of one mother's exercise in extreme parenting, revealing the rewards-and the costs-of raising her children the Chinese way."