M
MLBW
Guest
I recommend this book:
Boundaries with Kids
So, far my husband and I have been showing consistent discipline with my son for the past 8 or so months--he is now 16-months-old and he does understand "no" and that some things are not okay to do. My son also has a fascination with cords--electric cords to be exact--and this has been a worrying situation for us so we are very strict to not let him play with them. We've found that it is useful to hide whatever dangerous or "off-limits" things or move them out of his reach--and if it happens to be something that we cannot do this with, then we make it very clear that it is not okay to play with or even touch these items. Now, all I have to do is give him "the look" and he knows that he had better not touch or do whatever thing. At 10-months you really can't "explain" anything to a child and expect a lot of understanding because they usually don't have a developed enough language base for that. Even so, I do "explain" they "whys and why nots" of things while I'm doing them and eventually, though he may not understand now and throws a fit, he will later.
First, I think you have to not be afraid of your child crying and throwing a fit. And you have to stand up to her. Don't just give in because she escalates her fit. That teaches her "If I cry long enough and hard enough, mommy will give it to me anyway--she is easily manipulated" and this will help you teach your daughter to be an expert manipulator of her parents (I have cousins who had developed a science to this when they were little so I've seen it in action!) So, if she continues to carry on when you've made your boundary clear with her, sometimes you need to step in and break the "crying cycle" (kids sometimes get so worked up that they are crying and have forgotten even why they are crying). We do this by sitting our son down and getting at eye level with him and holding him still and very calmly and directly telling him, "No" and "You are fine, there is no need to cry." Also, I've found that because I don't jump at every whimper that my son makes, he actually gives up his protests pretty quickly now. He understands that I mean what I say--even at a little age and will move on quickly to something else--even if he sheds a few tears in the process.
Unless you really make your boundaries clear from this early age and are dependable and trustworthy to back up your word (Let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no") then you effectually are creating a monster problem with discipline that you will fight your kids with until they are grown. Plus, you are just plain confusing your kids without knowing it. Just as they will grow up healthy if they can depend on you providing: a shelter, food, safety and love (and without these they cannot grow up healthy) they also will grow up healthy if they can depend on you providing: clear boundaries and discipline. It's never too early.
Boundaries with Kids
So, far my husband and I have been showing consistent discipline with my son for the past 8 or so months--he is now 16-months-old and he does understand "no" and that some things are not okay to do. My son also has a fascination with cords--electric cords to be exact--and this has been a worrying situation for us so we are very strict to not let him play with them. We've found that it is useful to hide whatever dangerous or "off-limits" things or move them out of his reach--and if it happens to be something that we cannot do this with, then we make it very clear that it is not okay to play with or even touch these items. Now, all I have to do is give him "the look" and he knows that he had better not touch or do whatever thing. At 10-months you really can't "explain" anything to a child and expect a lot of understanding because they usually don't have a developed enough language base for that. Even so, I do "explain" they "whys and why nots" of things while I'm doing them and eventually, though he may not understand now and throws a fit, he will later.
First, I think you have to not be afraid of your child crying and throwing a fit. And you have to stand up to her. Don't just give in because she escalates her fit. That teaches her "If I cry long enough and hard enough, mommy will give it to me anyway--she is easily manipulated" and this will help you teach your daughter to be an expert manipulator of her parents (I have cousins who had developed a science to this when they were little so I've seen it in action!) So, if she continues to carry on when you've made your boundary clear with her, sometimes you need to step in and break the "crying cycle" (kids sometimes get so worked up that they are crying and have forgotten even why they are crying). We do this by sitting our son down and getting at eye level with him and holding him still and very calmly and directly telling him, "No" and "You are fine, there is no need to cry." Also, I've found that because I don't jump at every whimper that my son makes, he actually gives up his protests pretty quickly now. He understands that I mean what I say--even at a little age and will move on quickly to something else--even if he sheds a few tears in the process.
Unless you really make your boundaries clear from this early age and are dependable and trustworthy to back up your word (Let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no") then you effectually are creating a monster problem with discipline that you will fight your kids with until they are grown. Plus, you are just plain confusing your kids without knowing it. Just as they will grow up healthy if they can depend on you providing: a shelter, food, safety and love (and without these they cannot grow up healthy) they also will grow up healthy if they can depend on you providing: clear boundaries and discipline. It's never too early.
Last edited by a moderator:
