When can a kid go to bathroom himself?

[thanka2]

My son was about 2-years-old when he was physically able to go to the toilette by himself with a bit of assistance with pulling up his trousers. By the time he was 3-years-old he could go and pull up his trousers by himself. He's 4 1/2-years-old now and we go with him to the toilette. Usually women's restrooms have stalls--it's not like the child is able to take a peek at other women doing their business. Maybe it's a bit different with the urinal situation in the men's bathroom. Not that the child would particularly know or care what's going on except for general curiosity. It might be that other people might feel uncomfortable--but then again, in HK who even cares? People are too busy doing their business and getting out of the restroom in my experience. It might be different in a different country. I don't see many women actually undressing in the common area of restrooms in Hong Kong. Changing rooms in Hong Kong also have dressing stalls and my experience is that most women are definitely more comfortable using the dressings stalls--I think the exceptions I usually notice are foreign women (like me--I don't care--don't need to change in the stalls) and older women (we're talking 70-80+-years-old here) and they probably don't really care that much who sees them or they would be changing in the dressing rooms. My son goes to the women's bathroom and changes with me at the swimming pool if it's just me taking him. If dadda also comes along he'll go with dadda usually. Obviously, at 4-years-old he has no special interest in bodies of the opposite gender--he also showers with both dadda and mama and is around when his baby sister is having her diaper changed. Bodies are just bodies and have no particular meaning to him at this age.

I don't have a specific age in mind where I think my son would stop going to the restroom with me but I think it would probably be around the time when I feel comfortable letting him ride the MTR/bus etc. by himself. If I think he has the maturity to handle himself and stay safe in the restroom, no need to accompany him. I'm guessing that for us this might fall right around when he's a P3-P4 students so I guess around 8-10-years-old. It just depends on his own maturity and how my "gut feeling" leads me. It would also depend on the setting.

 

[TheQuasimother]

In general, I'd rather supervise my 6 year old as although it is not commonly reported. Perving and unwanted touching is more common in HK and a lot goes unreported. I have to deal with such cases at least once a term. It happens when you least expect it and in the most unexpected circumstance. So I'd rather be safe than sorry so my 6 year old goes to the toilet with me or we use the child friendly cubicle if not the handicap cubicle (if someone makes a fuss).

 

[rani]

Did anyone read the the SCMP on Tuesday about 5 expat boys (7-12age) who were indecently assaulted in DB?

From SCMP

Three men were arrested yesterday over an alleged indecent assault on five expatriate boys playing near a building site at Discovery Bay on Lantau Island.

A police source said the boys, aged between seven and 12, were alleged to have been touched indecently by the men on Saturday.

 

[thanka2]

Did anyone read the the SCMP on Tuesday about 5 expat boys (7-12age) who were indecently assaulted in DB?

From SCMP

Three men were arrested yesterday over an alleged indecent assault on five expatriate boys playing near a building site at Discovery Bay on Lantau Island.

A police source said the boys, aged between seven and 12, were alleged to have been touched indecently by the men on Saturday.

I didn't see that article. But another issue is not really grown men at all but teen or even older primary-school aged boys. This past week at the school I work at, a mid-primary students exposed himself to a classroom full of little girls. This sort of thing with inappropriate touching and things of that nature actually happens A LOT in schools in HK. As you can imagine, it doesn't make the evening news either.

 

[howardcoombs]

This sort of thing with inappropriate touching and things of that nature actually happens A LOT in schools in HK. As you can imagine, it doesn't make the evening news either.

This sort of thing happens A LOT everywhere around the world. There is nothing particularly special about Hong Kong in this regard. I dont think it makes evening news anywhere as its a fairly common and minor issue.

This kind of thing is generally looked upon in the same light as sexting and playing doctor(between consenting kids).
Of course there are some people that blow such things out of proportion and most of them seemed to be concentrated in USA.
This is just one, there are many like this if you search around:
http://sexoffenderissues.blogspot.com/2011/11/child-6-years-old-playing-doctor.html

 

[thanka2]

no, that's not what i am suggesting, but have a look at the show (NowTV channel 214, i think) and you will see that they talk exactly about cases like you describe (the title of the show is just to make it sound dramatic and to attract viewers)

I've seen that show. It's kind of annoying. The parents on the show are "serious cases." Won't let their teenagers use a knife for fear of cutting themselves...children in upper primary school not allowed to go down the block by themselves unless they are almost holding the hand of one of their parents, children not allowed to go to friends' homes or ride in any other cars, children not allowed to take the bus even in their teens and parents who are quite OCD in almost every area of their life. There is really no overlap with general precautions for one's children considering what is age-appropriate. The people on that show are trying to keep their children toddlers indefinitely--it borders on mental illness.

 

[carang]

i've watched that show, too... the parents on that show are in serious need for psychiatrists.... they aren't being careful. they are ruining their children's lives, destroying their self-esteem and eroding any little shred of confidence their children had.

 

[howardcoombs]

i've watched that show, too... the parents on that show are in serious need for psychiatrists.... they aren't being careful. they are ruining their children's lives, destroying their self-esteem and eroding any little shred of confidence their children had.

You are definitely right, they need professional help but where do you draw the line? When does it become too much and who decides?
Why is it OK for a parent to take an 8 year old to pee and its not OK for 10 or 12 or 14 ?

an earlier quote from you:

what mothers are concerned about are the 'what-ifs?' i think EVERY mother shares the same concerns and to diminish them by saying "where did the molester come from?" and that we are inventing the possible scenarios... YES, we ARE inventing the possible scenarios!

Isnt this exactly what *they* are doing? At what point does it become a problem?

My definition of a problem : When a parent puts the improbable on top of their list of fears

 

[carang]

have you seen the show in question?

as for drawing a line... there is no hard and fast rule, hence people coming on here to ask what other people do.

 

[howardcoombs]

have you seen the show in question?

Yes, ofcourse. I've been a fan of Lenore for years.
I wish more people here would read her columns.