Unsympathetic Husband
- Thread starter joyofliving
- Start date
Sorry to hear you're going through this. Apart from all the great suggestions here so far - maybe what could help a little is to hang out with other families with similar aged children - this would put it in perspective for your husband. I know you said that he doesn't like going out etc but how would he feel about you inviting a friend to come home with their child on a Saturday or Sunday just for a couple of hours to hang out and play? I think you have to do this otherwise the working spouse just gets caught up in their own bubble and can't understand the reality of how children DO behave.
Also, you could enrol your husband and daughter in a Saturday playgroup/activity - and suggest that then he do lunch with her afterwards...or before..or whatever.. Say that you think they are not spending enough time together and that you're worried about their bonding etc - that you know of lots of other dads who do this on a Saturday and that he shouldn't leave it too late etc. Hopefully he'll go for it and that way at least you might get a clear 2 -3 hours away from them both on a Saturday. Gymboree maybe? Just a thought as I know all the other things may take time like convincing him to participate in counselling etc..
Hang in there I know its not easy
:grouphug:
Also, you could enrol your husband and daughter in a Saturday playgroup/activity - and suggest that then he do lunch with her afterwards...or before..or whatever.. Say that you think they are not spending enough time together and that you're worried about their bonding etc - that you know of lots of other dads who do this on a Saturday and that he shouldn't leave it too late etc. Hopefully he'll go for it and that way at least you might get a clear 2 -3 hours away from them both on a Saturday. Gymboree maybe? Just a thought as I know all the other things may take time like convincing him to participate in counselling etc..
Hang in there I know its not easy
:grouphug:
joyofliving
Registered User
I think its a case of the 7 year itch.... and he is finding every reason he can to make break my spirit. I am not as attractive as I was before I became a mum, I don't feel like having sex since I am pregnant or when I was bfeeding and don't earn so he finds me useless exept for doing household chores. Of course he denies everything he ever says and boasts of being the best husband I could have got, his ego being the size of Jupiter. Divorce is not the norm from where I come from and I don't want my children to be raised without a father. I guess I will suck it all up for now. Thanks everyone at least now I know I am not wrong in feeling the way I do or exaggerting my situation. After all when you are being constantly told you are not good enough, self doubt does begin to creep in.
Nashua852
Registered User
I'd smack him for you.
Im currently HUGE and trying to get this baby out of me but I can spare a coffee and a shoulder whenever you want. Your husband seems to be using you as a means to vent, he may even feel inadequate. Please realize its NOT your fault, he's not being unsympathetic - he's REFUSING to beleive that anyone can have it worse than him from the sounds of things. Again, this is HIS issue. How does he feel about the two of you going out alone now that there's someone to look after your little girl? If he jeers at that suggestion that its all fun and games for you or the like there's further evidence that he's having issues himself and looking to blame anyone else but him. Try and breach the subject with him, ask him why he feels the way he feels and that he HAS to know how hurtful it sounds - because its NOT coming from a healthy place.
If that doesnt work the offer still stands, I'll smack him for you
Im currently HUGE and trying to get this baby out of me but I can spare a coffee and a shoulder whenever you want. Your husband seems to be using you as a means to vent, he may even feel inadequate. Please realize its NOT your fault, he's not being unsympathetic - he's REFUSING to beleive that anyone can have it worse than him from the sounds of things. Again, this is HIS issue. How does he feel about the two of you going out alone now that there's someone to look after your little girl? If he jeers at that suggestion that its all fun and games for you or the like there's further evidence that he's having issues himself and looking to blame anyone else but him. Try and breach the subject with him, ask him why he feels the way he feels and that he HAS to know how hurtful it sounds - because its NOT coming from a healthy place.
If that doesnt work the offer still stands, I'll smack him for you
Shenzhennifer
Registered User
Can I smack him too?
I really want to, after reading more of your posts.
I really want to, after reading more of your posts.
joyofliving
Registered User
Snagito I did invite my friends over once and we had a major fight over it, I was so ashamed to tell my friend we had to cancel. Everytime my friends invite us I have to make up excuses. He only socializes with his colleagues many are single and thats the way he likes it. He will never take our girl to a playgroup coz thats my job, he takes her out though every weekend here and there. After a lot of insisting I told him to take her to Playtown one weekend and he sat on the side reading the newspaper while I was running around after her. Like I said he only does what he feels comfortable doing.
My hubby is the same although he never comes out with it but he definitely thinks it. He sat on the side in Playtown on his blackberry!!
1. It is so hard being a F/T mum - you are doing a great job and never forget that. 2. It is also completely fine to want some alone time and to put yourself first. If you are happier and refreshed but your little one will also benefit from it too.
Cheer up - you are doing great
1. It is so hard being a F/T mum - you are doing a great job and never forget that. 2. It is also completely fine to want some alone time and to put yourself first. If you are happier and refreshed but your little one will also benefit from it too.
Cheer up - you are doing great
carang
Registered User
as for divorce "not being the norm".... that may be BUT:
would you rather
A) your children grow up thinking that disrespecting women (and mothers) is not only OK but encouraged (monkey see, monkey do)
B) see a happy, fulfilled, respected & loved mother???
i came from a family where the father had absolutely no respect for the mother. it was NOT a happy household. i could not understand why my mother took 18 years to gather the courage to leave that abusive relationship.
would you rather
A) your children grow up thinking that disrespecting women (and mothers) is not only OK but encouraged (monkey see, monkey do)
B) see a happy, fulfilled, respected & loved mother???
i came from a family where the father had absolutely no respect for the mother. it was NOT a happy household. i could not understand why my mother took 18 years to gather the courage to leave that abusive relationship.