Two kids without helper?

[Nic]

This thread is great..... makes me feel more 'normal' I was beginning to think I was the only 'crazy' mum with 2 kids and no helper!

I have a 3.5 year old and 10month old ad was in the same position as you a year ago. We decided to get a full time live in helper.... it was the biggest mistake, I was not convinced and therefore with hindsight it was never going to work. We ended up terminating our helper after 10days and 4 days prior to my son being born.It was the best decision we made... for our family at least.

yes it is busy, especially currently as its school holidays, but completely manageable. I think my expectations of my eldest changed and she has learnt that she is not the only person on the planet and there are times when she has to entertain herself or even 'help'. I have been very impressed by what she can actually manage when she has too; dress herself, wash her hair,put clothes away etc etc

Our normal day:
6-7am kids wake up and I am always out of bed by 6.45
7-8am dress and feed kids
8am drive husband to work and eldest to school
9.15am Home; I shower while son naps, then we play/ I do some housewor/ prep lunch
11.15am drive back to get my daughter
12.30 lunch
Afternoons are free, so park or playdate with friends etc
5pm start dinner
6pm bath time
7pm bed time
7 onwards- housework, dinner for hubby and I (hubby usually home 8-9pm)

The dinner, bath and bed routine has become much quicker and it is definitely the one thing we keep the same, dinner, bath and bed by 7.

I admit I have a cleaner 2 hours twice a week just to do some of the bigger jobs as I have found now my youngest is mobile that is tricky to do with him around. We also try and have a babysitter one night a week so I can have dinner out with hubby as I do get fed up of cooking.

I agree the one thing I really miss is exercise, but I either get up super early for a walk up the peak and make sure I am home by 7, or I drop my daughter at school and put my son in his backpack and take him walking up the peak with me. It is by no means the same as pre second child but I have realised this wont be forever and I dont want to have someone living in nour home and as I dont want/need them for childcare I really dont know what a helper would do all day for me.

Perhaps we could all meet up to share tips and advice and who knows even arrange childcare swap so we can all have an hour off now and again?!

 

[MommyTo3]

As my children were not born in HK, I had no helper until we moved here, which was when my oldest was 4y3m and my twins were almost 2. I've managed fine, and I'll be the last one to say it's not doable. I didn't have a choice, no family close by, luckily good friends, and a part timer for 8 hours a week. One child had to go to the doctor, brought all 3 ... It wasn't always nice, and I wasn't always the nicest mommy (I still have my moments, even with a helper) but you do what needs to be done. I just think it's hard not having a helper in Hong Kong because most people have one, and friends count on you having one too. I've been able to do volunteer work, play sports again in the evening (not having to wait until 8 pm when my husband comes back home), pick up a part time while my kids are in school. It just has made my life easier, but I still do plenty of things with my kids. I take them to the playground even if I am the only mother around, take them to the pool, shopping, etc. But it's nice that I don't always have to take 3 when one has to go to the doctor, when one has something else to do, whether it's a birthday party, a modelling job, etc. I paid close to US$350 a month for cleaning ladies in my house once a week, plus US$15 an hour x 8 hours a week x 4 weeks a month for baby sitting (excl. the occassional evening). Coming here (my husband had been here for 4 months already) gave me the opportunity to do some things for me, which helps in taking care of them.

By the way, I have one now, got her right when we arrived, and I do think it was the best for our family. I know I can do it by myself, but it's nice for our family to have help. It's one of those things we can have her, and I am grateful for us. I'll have 3 kids in Primary this year, so her duties are now switching more to household chores but that's fine, a little quieter for her as well.

 

[trttrt]

Wow, thank you all for your replies! Must say I am truly impressed and amazed by some of your schedules! Your inputs have definitely helped shed some light on what to expect with two kids w/wo helpers. By the way, just wondering how we could go about hiring babysitters? What are the hours and how much should we pay? Any advice? Would really love to head out with my hb for a movie some time! Thanks!

 

[banane76]

It also really depends on the age difference between children. I have a 20month old and a 4 month old and I REALLY need my helper. It's been amazing to have her. She helps me take the older one out so I can have some time with the baby and to do the grocery shopping. As the younger one gets older, I would like to take them out more on my own, but right now, I need her help on big outings and with the house.

 

[lesliefu]

must say it is a definite luxury to have a helper in hong kong and i've taken advantage of hiring one to help me out. my thinking is...if you can afford one, why not? of course you can ALWAYS manage without one - but once you have one, i must say you can't go back to square one.

looking at the ages of your 2 kids - it would appear that having one would help...i've got 3 (3yr old, 1 yr old and new born) and i'm just trying to think what life would be without my helper (and middle child) so I'd be more in your shoes...

for one, my older one takes the school bus every day but that would be hauling my new born up and down to drop off and pick up my older one from the bus stop - could be easily done, but breast feeding needs to be timed so that it does not clash with drop off / pick up time.

cooking meals would be done during babies sleep times - so no problem there.

we'd go to all play groups together - which is no problem but the older one is getting a bit jealous and posssessive so need to deal with her feelings and teaching her to adjust to the baby at the same time as dealing with diaper changing and feeding - again, not a major problem, the older one will adapt.

the house would be a bit messier, but if sleeping patterns are adhered to (say 8pm daily) then there'd be time when all are asleep to do the housework before bed time.

i guess the only thing i'd miss would be going out for a quick bite with my husband when all of the kids are sleeping - attending friends weddings / family celebrations that start too late for kids.

definitely doable but do you want to do it!

 

[Coco Baby]

I have a 16 month old daughter and #2 due in March. I don't have a helper, and I really don't want one, but I am really feeling the 'pressure' to have someone help. This is the first time I have not worked and I have always looked forward to taking care of my family.......and it is far better than I ever imagined. My husband works until 7:00/8:00pm and travels a lot. When he is home on the weekends I want to be with him every minute.

I feel really lucky to have made so many great friends since I moved here, but I am feeling very left out because they do so many thing without kids or don't ask me because they know I will have a little one with me. I would love to exchange baby sitting but of course no one wants to as they have helpers. I think it is really sad that people don't help each other out, they just pay someone to do it for them. I also think it is amazing more moms don't want to do more with their kids. Also, why don't people let me pay their helper to watch my girl too while we go do something? I do not mean to be disrespectful to people with helpers and totally support peoples decisions to do what is best for them and their families......I am just trying to understand the normal that is so new for me. I really only miss family/friends/neighbors to help about one day a month to go to the doctor or go out with the girls.

We can afford a helper but I would rather save/use money in different ways.

It is really nice to know there are a couple other moms out there like me! I would love advice on how to find a babysitter or maybe part time helper for a couple hours a week.

 

[AmyH]

Also, why don't people let me pay their helper to watch my girl too while we go do something?

As far as I know, this would be illegal as the helper is only supposed to work for the family they are hired by so this may be why they do not offer! There is rentamum, who offer babysitting service and they send people to your home to look after the children if you need to go out during the day or in the evening. There is a website where you can enquire about prices etc.

 

[AmyH]

I also think it is amazing more moms don't want to do more with their kids.

This has not been something I have experienced here at all. My son has a group of friends and we all meet up (mums) to watch them play football, swim, tennis etc and my daughter has a few friends also where we all do things together also.

It can be very hard here without a helper and there are some days that I wish I would just hire one (these days are when the kids are sick, or I am sick etc). I think it is a bit unfair to say that mums who have a helper do not want to spend time with the kids. Sometimes it is just easier to do things without them! I hate having to get public transport to central with the two kids, buggy, bags etc and going in to shops where the aisles are not that wide and my daughter is pulling everything off shelves! It can be a nightmare so sometimes it is easier to do it on a weekend where my husband will either come with us or he will take the kids out so I can have some time alone. If I had a helper it would be easier to do these thing during te week so weekends could be spent as a family (not shopping!)

 

[Coco Baby]

When I said 'do more' I meant everyday things like grocery shopping, riding the bus, going to coffee, clothes shopping, riding the MTR. I remember loving doing these things with my mom, and it is so much better for me with my little one along. I totally get 'quality of time' and when I am shopping & trying to get my little one to sit still in her seat my friends are doing fun things with their kids and their helpers are shopping. No right/wrong or one better than the other, I am just surprised not to see more moms/kids out doing these things together.

Of course we do all the playgroups, sports, and fun things with moms and kids! And I know what is legal and not legal(!!!)

 

[carang]

i do take my kids shopping, but i prefer to take the time and do it myself with the helper at home taking care of them. i can take my time, enjoy it and get everything we need instead of having to listen to "mummy can we buy.... mummy can we get.. but why can't you buy...."

just because you don't see mummies out there doesn't mean they don't exist. my kids go out to yum cha, but we aren't big "starbucks" people, so you wouldn't see my kids and i in there....perhaps you are looking in the wrong places?