TTC, depressed, feel like giving up

[mamaS]

Hi bozo,

You're depressed with only less than a year of trying? there's still a long way to go, what have you done to help you conceived? western medicine, check-ups, monitoring.....how about husband's sperm? If all is okay, then there's no problem, it could only be timing (and luck). Then, do something like OPK, BBT, etc. I won't tell you not to be stress or pressure BECAUSE it's impossible, people who says relax relax doesn't go thru that TTC (trying to conceive) path. They don't know how it feels like. I was TTC for 8 years, heartache and tears month after month, year after year, but during those times, i never give up, if western medicine fails, i continue to do other things that can help me conceive. I've done ALL things to help me conceive, crazy things, western, homeopathy, acupuncture, natural medicine, etc. Finally i got preggy on the 8th year. By the way, i was 36 when i conceived. Don't give up, if you think you'll have it, you WILL. If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me.

 

[Bozo]

Cici - wow! sounds like you know your stuff. As for the zinc, is a multi-vitamin with zinc enough, or do you recommend a zinc capsule? I bought some zinc capsules but couldn't get hubby to take them every day. He reckons a multi-vitamin is enough. I have to admit, I've been having a tough time getting him to alter his behaviour (no hot baths, no drinking etc). There's no point me going on at him - he's just gonna have to realise sooner or later that lifestyle changes have to come from both sides.

MamaS - ok, I know 10 months isn't THAT long and certainly doesn't compare in any way to 8 years, but rightly or wrongly, on a purely emotional level the 12 month mark feels significant. This is the time when officially the docs will use the word 'infertility' and (in the UK at least) 12 months is when investigations into both partners start. Of course my head tells me that 12 months is really quite an arbitrary marker, but I can't help taking notice of it. So at the moment, as I'm getting closer and closer to the 12 month mark I guess I'm just having to come to terms with the idea that there may well be a problem and things might not be easy. I know I was naive to think I would get pregnant straight away, but I guess that's just what I thought and it's these past couple of months I've realised I have to reassess things.

Being able to finally get all this off my chest and feeling genuinely supported by your replies really has helped me so thanks a lot. It's not something I've been able to discuss with friends and family as I don't want them to feel that they have to hide their joy and experiences of pregnancy and family life from me because they'd be worried it would make me feel bad.

 

[katybookworm]

Hang in there Bozo!!! I've been through something very simlular so I know what an emotional battle it can be. At the age of 30 we TTC for 16 months before finally getting some help. Unfortunately it's just one of those things for some people, or as my Dr put it just *bad luck*. After having some extensive tests it turned out there was absolutey nothing wrong with either me or my husband but we still went onto fail 3 IUI cycles. On the 4th one we conceived and had our first little boy and then by accident we concieved our 2nd completely naturally.

Be strong!!!!

 

[Cici]

Bozo
Understand your fustration. We were sooo lucky with our 3 kids, came off the pill and *wham* pregnant by 1 month. As I said, for this baby becasue it took us over 5 months to get preggers I was kinda impatient (even though I knew thats a really short time to wait, but my mind couldn't accept the fact that if everything was normal, why does it take so long???-irrational I know.)
Ooops, need to go, the nurse is calling for me (taking the kids to the dentist today- thats why I have time to post!!!)

 

[capital]

I remember feeling that way.It took us 9 cycles with our first. I was so obssessed. Getting pregnant was the only thing I thought about before we even started. I finally gave up all hope of getting pregnant without medical help, and I had to find something to occupy my mind other than babies and pregnancy, so I started redecorating our house, and that month I got pregnant. I alos got myself an appointment with a fertility clinic as in canada there is a 6 month wait list to get in, but in the end I didn't need to go. If you are still not pregnant after 12 months of trying, then go to a fertility specialist. The book taking change of your fertility is very very good. In retrospect I think I was timing intercourse wrong, I should have been going by the cervical fluid sign and I would have gotten pregnant sooner, as with the second I got pregnat the first cycle.

 

[fakaysum]

Everybody suggests to relax but that is easier said than done. There is quite a bit of pressure to perform and wait for the monthly results.

After 10 months, consult with a reproductive specialist to do some basic check-ups on both sides (just get that out of the way so you can be assured). It usually takes time to get an appointment and run tests. At the very least, they can time things accurately for you. No one wants to but it's your future so it's worthwhile. Good luck.

 

[JANE892]

Hi there...I just wanted to add that you once you've had some basic blood work done ie. they test your progesterone on Day Past ovulation 7 (approx) to ensure your body produces enough progesterone on its own..then they may do an HyCoSy or Dye test (HSG I think they call it in other parts of the world). For this they insert some liquid (just saline solution) or sometimes dye into the uterus and watch it come out of each tube. This ensures that both yoru tubes are open....or tells you if there are some problems in this area...they say feritlity increases for the next 3 months after this as your tubes are really open and even any little blockages are gone...
I had some basic feritility tests done before I came to HK (even though we hadn't even started trying!) I just wanted peace of mind before coming here as I had no idea what the level of care/expertise would be like here. So far everything has been fine. I managed to get preganant very quickly but unfortuately had a miscarriage...but I"m hoping to get pregnant again soon and hopefully it will work out next time. Basically what I'm saying is...after 10 months of TTC without it happening- I'd be going to a good understanding doctor and asking for some basic fertility tests. Mostly likely there will be nothing at all wrong but it will make you feel like your doing something proactive on this journey and help to ease your mind that "something is wrong".
Hope this kind of helps

 

[Bozo]

Thanks for the reply. I've had the blood tests done - everything came back normal. Hubby has done the semen test and the count came back low (just under 13 mil) so he's waiting a few weeks until doing another test. I know this might sound weird but I now feel like some of the pressure has lifted from me, and the low count on the first semen test seems to have helped our relationship enormously. It's dawned on both of us that it's not just down to me and that he also has to take responsibility for his own health.

 

[mamaS]

hi bozo,

good that all your test are normal. Good news is - the easiest to "cure" is low sperm count, my husband used to have 6 mil only, half of it were even slow swimmers. Take vitamin, wear boxer shorts, no hot shower, no caffeine, etc. When i got preggy, it was just border line. We need one good sperm only. Good luck!

 

[Koan]

I know exactly how you feel, I'm now in my 10th month of TTC and feeling pretty depressed and impatient. I get really annoyed when people tell me to relax and it will happen, it's just impossible when pregnancy is practically all I think about! I assumed it would all be so easy, isn't that what they told us in high school?!

I start clomid next cycle (luteal phase is between 7-9 days) so I hope that helps me.

I honestly don't know how people can go through this for years. I feel absolutely terrible each month when AF arrives...

Good luck bozo