To deliver back home/in USA or not?

[thanka2]

if possible, why not get your mum and sister, if you have one, to come here instead? i believe their visas would be valid for 3 months. that way, you'd have the support of your mum etc and the comfort of being at home here, where hubby is, no discomfort of travelling or passport processing?

This is a good idea if you can handle having your family around when the baby is born and living with you in the same house (unless they're going to stay in a hotel the entire time which is also possible, but expensive).

Let me just tell you my experience a bit. I said that I found living my mom in her house in the States when the baby was born a bit stressful. It was partly because it wasn't my house so I didn't have free reign. For example, breastfeeding was horrible for me--especially the first couple of months--and it was so bad that my breasts hurt so much that even having cloth up against them was unbearable so I was instructed to go braless and shirtless as much as possible by the lactation consultant. Well, this isn't really possible (unless you sit in one room with the door closed all day) in someone else's home where you're a guest and there are also other people coming in and out (for example, my younger sister who still lived at home's boyfriend).

Also, sometimes it was a case of "too many cooks spoil the broth." Dealing with a newborn is tough sometimes and my mom was working so she didn't have time to effectively help us out but she was around enough that I was getting advice from her all the time--which is okay up to a point. She meant well but in the hormonal state I was in it was difficult to have other people observing me as I tried to figure out the first few weeks of being a new parent. It seemed that try as they may to avoid telling me what they thought about the job we were doing, there were still those looks and sometimes opinions. So, that added to the stress. Sometimes, it is better just to be left to your own devices to "sink or swim" for a time and then just have family and friends nearby to call in for "reinforcement" if you really are drowning.

So, this time, my mom and her husband did come to visit us but it was a full month after the baby was born. I think it was better this way as it gave me time to physically be on my feet again and also to wait and see if I was going to have post-partum depression or go through a "crazy phase" and get that out of my system before we had guests. Even though guests may totally come here with the intention to be low-maintenance--at least for me, if I have guests staying with me it's harder to rest because I do feel obligated to be a good host--this is complicated if you're also dealing with hormonal flux and a newborn.

It was just better that my mom came a bit later rather than being here for the birth and leaving or staying the entire time. But, I do think it's important to have help when you have a baby--at least a part-time helper.

That's just my experience.

 

[carang]

actually, thanka, my mum said to me long before my due date, 'i wont be coming for when the baby is born. You and hubby have been a couple so long that you now need to learn how to be a family. The last thing you need is someone saying.....well, that's not how i would do it!'

a sentiment i greatly appreciated and will probably follow when my own kids have babies.
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[newhkmommy]

i delivered 2 babies in the u.s. (nyc -- ny presbyterian) during the lat 5 years and recently 1 in hk at matilda. i would feel comfortable chosing matilda again in a heartbeat (in most ways, the post-delivery care is much better than in the u.s.) -- other than 1 issue. matilda (and almost every other private hospital in hong kong) is NOT equipped to deal with very sick children at birth. to be fair, many/most hospitals in the u.s. are not equipped with level 4 nicu's, either, though nyp was. if you deliver a very sick child, he/she will be transferred to a queen mary (the local public hospital, which i've heard has excellent nicu care, among the best in asia). that being said, seconds matter in a true emergency (i had to utilize such services in ny), though this happens in such a small number of cases.

the midwives / nurses at matilda were outstanding; very experienced, caring, good teachers and huge supporters of breastfeeding, etc. i was very impressed with my doctor, anesthesiologist, pediatrician, etc., too. try to select a doctor who lives at matilda; then you will be in good shape in case you need an emergency c-section.

there are only 2 other issues with matilda (in my opinion): (1) it is hard to get in; you must apply promptly at 9 weeks pg and even then you are not guaranteed a booking and (2) maybe cost, though my total bill was a lot cheaper than my bills in nyc! it's all relative on that front ...

fyi, matilda prides itself on catering to the expat community -- all of the midwives and nurses are fluent in english (if it is not their first language). i was informed that less than 5% of admissions are to mainland chinese moms. i have friends who have delivered at BOTH matilda and sanitorium/adventist and they recommended matilda hands down (though some said sanitorium is just as good if you can speak cantonese).

good luck ...

 

[thanka2]

actually, thanka, my mum said to me long before my due date, 'i wont be coming for when the baby is born. You and hubby have been a couple so long that you now need to learn how to be a family. The last thing you need is someone saying.....well, that's not how i would do it!'

a sentiment i greatly appreciated and will probably follow when my own kids have babies.
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That's really great that she took that stance. I'm just saying that if you ask your parents to come over at the time of the birth it can be a blessing and a curse--exactly because it does take some time and work for that family bonding to take place and it's harder with eyes on you--no matter how helpful they are or how much you love them. So, timing can be something to think about--if you need to "play host" to your family as well. So, for us, it was wonderful that my mom could come over a month+ after the baby was born so she got to see the baby in her "newborn" phase but we had also settled down at home together and felt more on our feet. It was great to have her here as I always love to spend time with her and the timing was really good this go around.

 

[hkexpat2010]

Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts!

Fingers still crossed I'll get into Matilda once people don't put down their deposits. Otherwise, the Dr. said we may not hear until the month before the birth

If we do stay in HK, we mentioned to the grandparents that we'd up for visitors a bit after the birth based on info put up here and other friends' input.

Thanks again everyone!