Terminating helper

[mushi]

hi, i have this helper since the last 8 months who, no matter how hard i have tried, fails to show any affection for my kids or any kind of enthusiasm to work, to play with them or even to smile! she is like a robot works efficiently no doubt but just like a robot, tending to tasks assigned, not using her common sense to fix probs that may arise. She is also quite negative in everything and honestly her entire outlook dampens my spirits since i have to spend the whole day with her....i have really tried my best to ask her her problems or any issues she may have with me....after this counselling she is a little better though looks forceful for a couple of days and then back to normal....sometimes i run back home form short errands outside cause i know she cannot manage my baby alone for a long while.....after all this do u think i should terminate her? or is this a common feature with philipinas? or something i should bear up with and ignore since i amy get a worse one next time....i am mighty confused.

i am also worried that if i give hera month;s notice she will really get into a tantrum mode, silently of crse but i can then no longer trust her with my kids....

should i go thru the painful interview process again or should i bear her for another year???

PLEASE HELP!!!

 

[LeahH]

Goodness, I don't think you should put up with that type of negative mindset at all. You have tried to build bridges and coax any problems out of her, it sounds like she is not a good match for you and your family. Far from being a common feature, I would have said that philipinas are pretty positve people on the whole (considering that the job involves cleaning someone else's house and looking after their kids when you can't see your own). This doesn't sound like the norm at all. Terminate and try again. Get good recomendations and go with your gut feelings. You need a helper that actually 'helps' not someone that dampens your spirit. Good luck

 

[donkey]

Hi Mushi

I am sorry to hear your experience with your helper. We have our helper for 9 months (my sons is 9 months now), same nationality but quite opposite to yours. So it is not a common feature definitely. Unfortunately we have to let her go by early January next year as we have decided to move back home. If you are thinking of hiring someone with positive energy without going through the long and painful interviewing process, let me know, i can pass her details to you. I would like to line up some interviews for her before I break the news to her.

And cheer up, you will find someone good and don't put up with it for another year.

 

[kellyst]

We also usually just give payment in lieu and let them go basically on the same day you're telling them. It feels really mean and probably is, and I hate doing it. But for someone so close to home, it's way too dangerous to have them hanging out for even a day.

 

[donkey]

Really? even she is good before? Our helper likes our son so much and I just can't imagine she will be like that..but I guess things can turn nasty....

 

[Paddles]

Mushi, I terminated my helper after 6 months for many reasons but mainly because I couldn't leave my babies with her and I didn't feel that she was making my life easier which is, by definition, what a helper should do. I now have a new one and she's wonderful and I don't know why I waited so long.

There are many wonderful ones out there. Take your time to interview them and you'll find one that fits into your family well and cares for your children properly.

As for terminating her, I agree with kellyst you need to have everything prepared and give her money in lieu, ask her to sign all the papers and leave on the day you tell her. There are plenty of boarding houses for them to go to and friends and agencies who will help them. We told ours on a Sunday morning and she was packed and gone within 2 hours.

I interviewed while she was still here - I would send her on errands etc to make sure she wasn't in and had signed a contract with someone else before she was terminated and knew I would only have a short time without help.

Don't bear with it - it's not worth it. I know the interview process is a pain but the result is much better )

 

[mushi]

dear paddles, donkey, kellyst, leah....thanks so very much for all yr support....i am really getting convinced that i should take this step now...PADDLES since u just terminated a contract can u psl. tell em the process in short or give me some website details that i can see? do u have a philppina too both times? how do u know at the interview stage what she would be like? i failed so miserbaly the first time i don;t think i want to go thru the entire process again and then land one with someone like her.....that is what scares me really u know to get someone like her or even worse!! pls. give me tips....thanks

 

[rani]

mushi,

I hired my first helper when I was pregnant with D. One of the mummy's in my group had interviewed a few, and she was her 2nd choice. She was lazy and I never really got on with her. Like you, was afraid if I fired her I might end up with someone worse. So i convinced myself that she wasn't that bad, and she stayed with us for 2 years.

I couldn't renew her for another 2, so started searching for a replacement. Took me close to a month of interviewing. Finally found another Filipina helper and she's such a gem. This is her 3rd contract with us. She loves our son and takes such good care of all of us. Life is so much easier when you have a Helper that actually helps. Wish I had terminated by 1st helper earlier.

There are loads of good helpers out there. Have a read through Julie Jacobsen's article on Hiring a Helper. She has some great advice on interviewing.

Good luck!

 

[Paddles]

Mushi - all you need to do is give a letter to your helper stating the date of the termination and the reason why and that you have paid her all money owing and either a ticket back to the phillippines or the money for a ticket and get her to sign, you then need to send this to the director of immigration within 7-14 days I think. I took a photocopy of my helper's HKID too just in case I needed it later on.

Both my helpers were philipina - the second one was a recommendation from the helper of a good friend who knew my circumstances. I have 5 month old twins and was turned down by a lot of people I interviewed as they thought the work would be too hard! I think you just have to trust your instincts and don't be afraid to ask them to come back and spend half a day with you, cook you something, spend time with the children, do some cleaning etc. My new helper came round a couple of times before I signed the contract and never minded - she said the decision was important to her too as she has to spend 2 years with us. Also, the second time I've gone for someone with alot of experience - she knows how to shop in a market, can speak a little cantonese, is mature and responsible. In total I must have interviewed over 15 people and I got really fed up with it, but I ended up with someone great. As you have a helper you don't have to rush the decision, take your time to find the right one.

I was afraid of making the same mistake twice too, but i think you learn from your mistakes and you know what does and doesn't work in your family better. Be confident of yourself.

I used to take my girls out most days just to get away from my helper, now I take my helper with me when we go out )

 

[Hughsiford]

Donkey--

We are looking for a helper. Could you PM me with more details? Thanks.