Terminating Dishonest Helper - attached toddler

[carang]

keep it simple. she is a toddler... she will be upset for a few days, then move on. children are a lot more adaptable than parents often give them credit for.

our former helper started with us a week before my eldest was born. she stayed with us for almost exactly 6 years, through the birth of my second. she moved to canada just over 14 months ago. my kids cried for about 5 minutes over a week, then they were fine. every once in a while they would ask about her. they often skype with her as we still employ her husband. they are extremely excited to hear that she will be coming for a visit at easter.... but really, 5 minutes over a week for someone who had been with us since they were born.

the bigger of a deal that you make it, the more upset your child is likely to be.

 

[howardcoombs]

Generally, it is permissible to take pictures in pubic places but not in private places. Since these pictures and videos were taken inside my home, on my property, I think I've got a reasonable basis to ask her to delete the pictures and videos.

The law is not on your side. You may ask but she does not have to comply. Please dont complicate matters over a few pictures; the time to speak up was when the pictures were taken. As you allowed such pictures to be taken (weeks and months ago) you may not now turn around and demand their destruction.

I'm more worried about how my daughter will react and I'm thinking about what I should tell her. I'll probably say she went home and leave it at that

Your young one will follow your example. If you dont make a big deal of it, she will see it as a minor event and forget it within a few days.

 

[carang]

just spoke to a lawyer-friend who seems to think the mother is perfectly within her legal right to ask the said helper to delete any and all photos/videos of her child.

 

[howardcoombs]

Crang, ofcourse the mother can ask whatever she likes - she has the right to ask for anything.
My point is that the helper is under no obligation to obey. There is no low compelling her to delete the photos.
If your lawyer friend disagrees with my understanding, please ask him to quote specific case law on this as I would love to be further educated.

 

[carang]

we didn't go into great detail. i bumped into him at the supermarket and this was just killing time waiting in the queue.

his take on it was, 'bloody hell, no WAY would i allow her to leave with photos of my kid!'

 

[mummymoo]

the time to speak up was when the pictures were taken

well what is you work and did not know pictures were being taken of your children? Home is a private residence, as I understand the law you have no rights taking photographs on private property and can ask for this to be deleted. I think this is a similar situation to baby classes where there is a sign saying we can not take pictures of other children or video other children. This may or may not be enforced when you do slip out your trusty camera phone and do it anyway as you didn't know the rules (ignorance is no defence however).

What you snap in a public place is your business although I suggest it is rude to photograph strangers and people you have no business with, but your home is private property and you get to say who does and doesn't take happy snaps there. Same with a doctor's practice or a lawyer's practice or anyone else's private property, you can't come by and do what you want.

So insists that she deletes the pics or else I would call the police (but suspects she'd probably just delete the pics). Harsh I know but with the digital age once it's out on the WWWeb it's there forever. Better to be safe than sorry.

 

[thundacatchergo]

your home is also the helper's home too.

 

[visitingthemoon]

What? This sort of thinking is why there are so many problems with the helpers. My home is NOT her home. My home is her place of employment. Her home is a place in the Phillipines.

So my things are her things too? So she can take and use my personal computer without asking? Sit on my massage chair watching TV while I'm at work? No, sorry, but my home is not her home. It's her place of employment. She's here on a temporary contract to fulfil her duties.
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[howardcoombs]

What? This sort of thinking is why there are so many problems with the helpers. My home is NOT her home. My home is her place of employment. Her home is a place in the Phillipines.

You are *soooo* right. This sort of thinking is why there are so many problems with employer's relationship with their helpers.

:eyesroll: How dare they to think the home you've opened up to them is their home too. They should know their place, right? :eyesroll:

There is no excuse for being dishonest and a thief. She should be let go and depending on the seriousness, the could also be jailed for violating your trust and your property.
However, your attitude WRT to helpers plain old stinks (refer to your comment above). With that attitude, dont be surprised if you continue to have issues with future helpers.

 

[thatlady]

To Those of you who find it hard to share your life and yet still want to have a personal servant,
You decided to hire a live in to be a helper to you and your family for whatever reason. BUT you want this person to be unobtrusive,obedient, work 12-16 hours a day, often help around the house on their days off anyway. Not touch anything in your home except to clean it.
I would ask you to walk in their shoes, they can't go home at night after a long day at work, only a small room with a bed. They can't fix themselves their favorite food after a particularly trying day with your children. They can't plan a trip home unless it is agreed upon they their employer, sometimes, they can't call either unless it is agreed upon by their employer.
What about nice clothes and getting dressed up? Mostly they would be accused of be slutty. Having a drink of wine? Oh my, they must be looking to get hooked up with a man.

Watch a move called The Help and then watch Downton Abbey. What kind of employer are you between these two movies?