Shall I consider counselling/psychotherapy for baby blues?

[lina27]

I am an older first-time mom-to-be (8 weeks only), and needless to say was looking forward to the pregnancy. However, as soon as I got pregnant I became an emotional mess: one day euphoric, another completely down (like a roller-coaster). More recently, however, I am more apathetic, even lethargic - I've lost my pre-pregnancy enthusiasms and interests, and sleep 10-14 hours per day. More importantly, I've lost interest towards my work which involves dealing with people a lot. Since I have to be in tip-top emotional shape to face them it's a little dangerous to be moody. Frequently, pulling myself together is a near impossible task.

I really miss my former self. I seem to be undergoing a personality make-over, for the worse! Hence, I am asking moms-to-be and actual mothers who had an experience like mine how they coped with it. Does it make sense to turn to counselling? Who in HK? Are there althernatives to counselling? Many thanks in advance to all the respondents.

 

[lesliefu]

Hi lina27...what you are experiencing is very normal symptoms of pregnancy. I was like that for all three pregnancies...for the first I tried very very hard to focus during the times I was at work and keeping busy actually made me forgot about being tired. Second one, had similar experience but listened to my body and slept more and longer naps whenever possible. Third as I was no longer working and had two kids to look after with the help of my helpers, i made sure to stay busy and sleep whenever possbike. Your mood will be much better if you can get the sleep. Also, lethargy is normal, that is why you should try to sleep earlier whenever possible. It is ok to sleep...I personally think sleeping is a total waste of time but during my pregnancy I just did as my body wanted

No need counseling, just talk to your hubby more so you can vent. Take care.

 

[lina27]

Thank you, lesliefu. I really admire women like you who go through multiple pregnancies. To me, one seems already like a feat...

I do sleep A LOT. I also talk to my hubby a lot. What's missing is a busy schedule that I can switch my attention from my condition to something else. I decided to sign up for pre natal yoga classes (I used to be very active physically, but now my attitude is 'can't care less') - it may help me a little to keep my mood swings at bay... Again, thank you for the advice.

 

[carang]

mood-wise, think of pregnancy as almost 10 months of PMS! mood-swings are not unusual, for many women, they are the norm.

as is sleeping a lot.

that said, if you are really feeling depressed, of course you should talk to someone professional.

 

[lesliefu]

Definitely agree with yoga classes...I did them too and after that you will feel much better. Also, you will be with a bunch of pregnant ladies and if you let yourself open up, sharing with them experiences first hand will help you too. The whole thing might be a bit overwhelming now, but I trust you will be more than fine nice you find the right balance. Take care.

 

[jvn]

Yep, that's pregnancy. I used to be an avid reader and I find I can't concentrate on books at all during pregnancy or for months after the last one was born. I'm also very (overly) emotional - there are heaps of regular things I can't watch on TV at the moment because they make me cry. And first and third trimesters are all about the naps for me.

Being pregnant and becoming a mother does change you, don't expect to snap back to your 'old self' once the baby is born, all these changes happen for a reason, they make you prioritise yourself and your health when pregnant and once the baby is born these hormonal changes will help you you to focus on the baby's needs. Your interests and regular moods will come back gradually as the hormones subside and you get into the swing of being a mother.

That being said, do look up the symptoms of post natal depression and be familiar with them, sometimes they do occur pre birth as well and if you are experiencing any of them you should always seek help.

 

[lalligirl]

i agree with carang & lesliefu - that the emotional rollercoaster is normal for most women during pregnancy...& the tiredness. they seem to feed each other, too. for most people, the tiredness lessens in the second trimester, which then makes it easier to cope with the mood swings (at least i found that). it's hard to be motivated/enthusiastic when you're exhausted!

however, sometimes it really does help to be able to talk to someone objective. i think to some extent there is a grief process for the loss of our former selves when we get pregnant/become mothers, or stress about/fear of the unknown. working through that can (probably will) be helpful. some people can do this on their own, or with their existing support network. other people really benefit from counselling. so if you've tried all your current resources (e.g. usual coping mechanisms...husband/friend support...whatever usually works for you in times of stress) & you're still feeling crappy, i would definitely suggest counselling.

here is one place that offers an english counselling service in hk. there are many more, i'm sure. i haven't actually used them, so can't offer any recommendations, but it's just one that i've heard of through my studies (i'm studying counselling...so of course very pro counselling!!)

http://www.stjohnscathedral.org.hk/counselling.html

oh...also, i think going to the yoga classes is a really good idea. sometimes just getting our bodies moving can do wonders for our mental health!!

 

[lina27]

i think to some extent there is a grief process for the loss of our former selves when we get pregnant/become mothers, or stress about/fear of the unknown.

Both points are very true for me. Although I may sound like a selfish, spoiled brat of a mom-to-be, I already miss my freedom - reading loads into the wee hours of the morning and traveling loads at a whim, etc. I know it sounds perhaps irresponsible (coz I am in my late 30s), and I am now getting used to my new condition full of responsibility for someone else's life. Hence perhaps the grief and the fear.. Thank you for pointing this out and thanks for the link.

 

[lina27]

that said, if you are really feeling depressed, of course you should talk to someone professional.

I don't think I am in full blown depression, i.e. being disfunctional, staying in bed all day or not sleeping, neglecting my work duties, etc. Often however I feel melancholic (esp given HK's current weather pattern - not enough sunlight). But let's see how I will feel when take up yoga classes and perhaps meet other preggy women (joining this forum already helps).

 

[carang]

see the thing is, that from my experience, once you hold that precious being in your arms, you don't WANT to be that selfish person again. (now, i know this is not true for everyone, but it certainly was for me).

while there are times, i fondly look back at my PK (pre-kids) days, i really don't think i would want to revisit them. while my world does not revolve around my kids (i run 3 different businesses.... ok, i try to run 3 different businesses), they ARE the centre of my being. i cannot imagine my life without them now.

i have a friend who, 3 months ago, lost her 13 year old son to the stupidity of the "choking game". i truly cannot comprehend the total grief and devastation she is feeling.

the pregnancy itself should be a time to reflect what your life has been and what it will become, but all the while not really understanding what it will become (hence the fear of the unknown)...i know it's cliche, but until you are a mother, you won't "get it".

i do understand that it isn't so simple for some people, which is why being open to counselling is a very good thing.