second baby, second helper?

[lesliefu]

welshdad, i really don't think it is a good idea to have your "old" helper move out and your "new" helper move in....knowing that she has a boyfriend outside complicates things, i.e. when things are good between her and bfriend, great, but if things turn sore, then what are you going to do? also, i wouldn't want to have a complete stranger at my home for so long too without supervision, you just don't know her! is there really no way to accomodate 2? bunkbed? have a pull out bed in the night? it is nice to have two helpers that know each other and if one is recommended by the other it does actually help, since they "know" each other and can communicate.

necessity is really up to your family - i was originally going back to work after this summer, but since i'm having baby #2 in june, and the gap is 22mths, i've decided to stay home for one more year, and then work part time / from home so that I have more time with the kids....for me, i have the option for hiring #2 helper, but for our family my staying home is priority - can we afford it? well, it's really all relative....we have a mortgage to pay, and we'd like to get a bigger place, but that will probably now take a little longer than we had originally planned....good luck with what you decide! having 1 good helper is already a blessing!

 

[slamdunk]

carang, don't think welshdad means they will go into debt by taking a second helper on, nor that they need a bigger place just to accommodate them (which would be crazy as you say).

think they just intend to buy a larger home for their growing family and as a necessity, both need to continue working full time so they can secure the mortgage required and meet the monthly mortgage payments.

 

[carang]

if that's the case, then all the power to them! that was not my understanding from reading the post... my mistake. sorry

 

[Suv]

I would not let the helper dictate who lives in or out even though you like her a lot. Explain to her that you are very uncomfortable with her living out. Better to be upfront with your feelings than feel upset after the baby is here. You are already being really nice to consider hiring a relative who does not have experience looking after children in HK.

I have a relative as a second helper too (mother-daughter) and we are quite happy. I have heard of stories where it is not clear cut as to who is the senior and who is not- age, some family dynamics, experience in hk vs experience with you, who is more efficient, whom you/wife get along with- all matter and thats where troubles could begin.

 

[starbucks2]

We have two kids and one helper which works fine for us. We can't justify the expense of two and have no space for a second one either. I have no problem with people having 2 helpers but we don't feel the need for it for us. It took me 2 years to get used to having a helper living with us (not something we have in my home country), I can't imagine having 2!

 

[LeahH]

We have two helpers as we both work, have a dog and have two children close in age with separate activities. My helpers have time to keep the house clean (not a priority but lovely nonetheless), cook, take the kids wherever they need to be and most importantly for me, the energy to play with them. Of course it is not necessary, but 2 helpers provides a much higher degree of flexiblity (and rest) for everyone. Some of my friends with two kids / one helper and manage well, but it's certainly not plain sailing.

Ours are related - second sister arrived with child no. 2. It's been a positive experience for us, they are very close, there are no flights over who does what and I do not need to address or mediate between them about anything.

Yes live out is illegal, but thousands take their chances. Among those I know, it's probably 40%. Bunks are an option to consider, they work well for us and the upper bunk can act as storage if not used regularly. Even if one lives out, there may be times when you need both to stay over (if you and your wife both travel).

Could you agree with your current helper that initially the new helper will live out, you and your wife can then decide if you are comfortable enough with her being the one to live in?

 

[ihave3cats]

Welshdad, I think it's quite risky for the maid to stay out, let alone the legality, now that she has a boyfriend, what happens if she gets pregnant? That will really complicate things!
I guess different housewhole have different needs. I had 2 helpers when my kids were little. Their gap is 16 months, so there was a period of time when both had to hang out at home. Having 2 helpers can be quite complicated too. Sometimes there are arguements and there are little things which seem so tiny to u, but a big deal to them. I remembered once my 2 helpers had an arguement when one of them forgot to wash her dishes after her meal. Both of them had this frustrated look on their faces for days.
But of cos everything aside, having 2 helpers means that the house will be clean, children taken care of..

 

[carang]

ummm... she doesn't have to stay out to get pregnant.

 

[peainpod]

I have a friend in a similar situation who ended up hiring a part-time helper to come in a few days a week to help with the domestic chores (cleaning, ironing, even cooking some of meals). That freed up her live-in helper to concentrate on childcare for her two young ones. The part-time helper is actually Chinese, has her own family and is completely legal.

(Cara's right that there are some helpers who are able to manage two kids and housework at once, but they are rare and hard to come by. I also know one friend who found such a gem - her kids are 3-1/2 and 2 yrs old - but you really can't expect it to be the norm!)

 

[welshdad]

first up i'd like to thank everyone who's contributed to this thread thus far, certainly is helping us to consider all issues.

so i'd like to answer and clarify some of the issues raised.

the first decision we had to cross was whether my wife quit her job for a couple of years ie be the mum and we continue with the one helper.

She’s decided she wants to continue work for at least a year or two, until we can secure a larger flat. She has a professional job and banks like her, I run my own (successful) small biz and travel more than I’d like, but banks don’t trust me enough – a sad reality for most if not all small businesses.

To get a mortgage on a 1200 sq ft flat we need to offer the banks the security of a stable professional income as well as that of my company. We probably won’t get it on my companies (official) profit so we both will work.

We could possibly struggle on with one helper, but I think the points made by the Quasimother about the helper not being the mother are particularly valid. I really think it would be too much to expect one helper to look after a new born and a very active 3 yr old. Let alone cope with the logistical stuff of getting the 3yr old to kindy and looking after the new born – even if it’s getting down to the car park to collect and pick up my 3 yr old when she starts kindy next September.

The financial side of having 2 helpers isn’t a problem as the double income we get will more than cover this, and hopefully within a year we’ll have an adequate size flat to house all of us happily, helpers included.

The current flat does have a purpose built helper room off the kitchen but I’m embarrassed to say it’s a mere 6 ft by 4 ft, so it’s unreasonable to expect them to share. I even have sympathy for the current helper being in such a small space.

I must admit I wasn’t aware of the legal situation with hiring a live-out. So We’ll need to consider this quite carefully.

It has been mentioned to us that it is possible to get part-time Chinese helpers – naturally live-out to help, does anyone do this and can they recommend any agencies. Incidentally my wife is HK born Chinese, although I should also add we don’t have any family back-up here.

I’m also quite encouraged to hear peoples positive experiences of helpers who are friends/relatives working together. Although we’ve been told there is a risk of the helpers exerting too much control in the house (words quoted to me, not mine) I also see that related helpers who get on with each other and have the best interests of the household at heart, has to be better than pairing two unknown helpers together – am I being too idealistic here?

Thanks to all out there contributing