Pregnancy Loss Support Group

[City Jammer]

Thank you so much for all your replies Yesterday, I was having one of those I-just-can't-stop-crying days and I was touched to read your replies. Thank you for the websites and resources mentioned. I will take a look at them

 

[sea princess]

Hi City Jammer
I can totally relate to your experience. I am so sorry that you too went through a devastating charade of medical incompetence. I have a different storey to yours but it involved me losing a twin back in March/April. I was seeing a leading HK obstetrician who misdiagnosed me to begin with then dismissed my calls for help when I was in pain that resulted in me collapsing, vomitting and crawling to the phone over a 40 minute period.

He told me to take a panadol. I was, at the time, bleeding internally (no evident blood, but extreme abdominal pain so much that rebound touching resulted in vomitting). I decided to go off to Queen Mary. Sadly I had an equally terrible experience there. The doctor was too scared to examine me and sent me home that night with antibiotics and bed rest. Needless to say, two days after that I had bled so much internally I am lucky to be here. Another 100ml of blood and it was irreversible. My daughter witnessed me collapsing and being resuscitated and taken by ambulance at home. I then needed emergency surgery and developed complications from the severe blood loss.

The hospital system, public and private, here is very average to say the least having experienced a taste of it over the course of 6 months! If I could fly home, I would but cannot fly until the baby is born. I have medical training and still could not convince these doctors to look at the possibility of a few scenario's. It was so frustrating.
I have several medio friends here also. They all tell me (as I do with people) get home if you can if there is a serious health problem. Let's hope I wont, but I'll take up that advice next time for sure.

Pm me if you ever need to vent!

 

[Honkyblues]

Dear City Jammer

I posted before when you asked questions about subchorionic haematoma (as I had one at 9wks that dissipated by 16wks). I was very lucky and clearly you were not. My heart goes out to you for your loss, and I'm angry on your behalf at what you suffered in the hospital system here. No one should ever be treated so shabbily and uncaringly. I really think you might feel better to draft a strong letter of complaint and send it to the Hong Kong Medical Authority.

I don't know of any grief support here in Hong Kong, but like the others, I would suggest an online community. In some ways, online posting gives you more freedom to express yourself than face-to-face groups. I used to post on www.babycentre.co.uk and they have a very active forum for grief and loss during pregnancy. If you're American, you might prefer www.babycenter.com.

I really hope that you can find some peace sometime in the future. Keep crying - it's a healthy thing to do.

If you need to vent or just want to tell your story, pls keep posting here.

Very best regards and a big hug
Honkyblues

 

[joyofliving]

I am so sorry for your loss, its so heart breaking to read your post. I think for getting closure on this and some mental peace you need to get answers from people who were supposed to take care of you- The private doctor's, The Govt hospital staff. You need to take an appointment and talk to them as to why they left you alone at a time when they should have gone all out to help you. Questions like was this a difficult condition to diagnose and was this untreatable in your case? Most importantly ask them if they still have a beating heart inside of them? Otherwise I am afraid you will continue to feel cheated and betrayed by these people with whom you had put your trust.
Your loss is immense I cannot ever fathom how hard it must be for you to get to terms with this. Prayer will get you through this and the joy your little girl brings each day.

 

[City Jammer]

I had my appointment with Dr. Ngai today and I brought along a copy of all the tests that were done at QMH. She confirmed with the QMH doctors had so hastily told me. All my test results were normal and Dr. Ngai told me that they were very comprehensive indeed. No one knows why I had subchorionic hemorrhage in this pregnancy and it's unlikely that it will happen again, since I had a normal first pregnancy. She also told me that as a rule, private hospitals will not accept any women under 34 weeks of pregnancy if they go into preterm labour. She can't comment on the hospitals' management either and there are no pregnancy loss support groups in HK (I asked). I asked if my condition was so rare and difficult to diagnose that none of the other doctors could do it except for her. Dr. Ngai specializes in high risk obstetrics and she has seen other cases like mine throughout her years of practice, so it wasn't difficult for her to know right away what was wrong. She sympathized with me, that I had gone through a very difficult pregnancy and unfortunately, there are no answers to my questions.

I feel like I've just lost my baby all over again. I guess perhaps it's a good thing that I'm going back to work in 2.5 weeks' time.

 

[fennho]

Hi Cityjammer

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, the awful treatment u went thru AND the brush off thereafter. Altho i've suffered a loss as well (mine was very early, hardly even 5weeks, so they call it a chemical) i cannot imagine what u've gone thru. I'm generally shocked and angry at the HK medical system, the way it's divided into "public vs private" and the silly notion of how they categorized (below 34wks, = public cases, complicated pregnancies = public, etc). To me, when a patient needs medical help and there's a doc available, who f***ing cares if it's public or private? Why shud there be a difference? This is jus not right! The doctors are all jus busy covering their own asses than caring for the welfare of the patients. I am also appalled to know the private hospitals do not have a set of medical teams on duty 24hours here. Awhile back, my mom needs some emergency treatment, and coming from Spore where hospitals and medical systems are top-notched and well equipped in ALL hospitals (public AND private) i was really in shock when we rushed her to a private hospital only to be told the only doc "on duty" there is a pediatrician! And when my DD was in high fever, the doc on duty was a orthopedic. How funny is that!

Anyway, sorry for ranting. I jus think the whole system is laughable and silly.

Sorry again for your loss...i just want to say i understand your frustration...

Perhaps seeing a shrink may not be all that bad, altho he/she may not have gone thru EXACTLY what u did, but they may able to help u to deal with your feelings and emotions? Just a tot. Take care of yourself.

 

[City Jammer]

Thank you Fennho, for your reply

I'm beginning to think that I should consider seeing a therapist afterall. I am reading all kinds of books on miscarriage and stillbirth (all ordered from Amazon).

If anyone has any recommendations, please send me a PM. Thanks again

 

[KMS]

Hello City Jammer,

Exactly one year ago I lost a baby at 24 weeks; it was the hardest thing I had ever gone through in my life so far. Thinking back I have a big gap of about four weeks where I did nothing but cry and sleep.

I still get sad a few times a week but not a few times a day like I did a year ago. Talking about it is what has helped me the most.

My husband and I did go to a therapist (in NY though) once a week for about six months...that was probably the best thing we did! It forced us to talk about it once a week with a neutral party. I felt most family and friends were uncomfortable talking about it with us or did not know what to say but, ?I am so sorry for your loss.? Once we were both back to work full time we thought about the loss less and less?however, we had not full dealt with the situation so the weekly therapist sessions became necessary to our healing process.

Every situation is different but at first the last thing I wanted to hear was about other people?s losses but it did help to make me not feel so alone!

It took us 7 months to get pregnant again and now that is my main focus but the pain/fear of the loss is still there and will always be there. I wish you luck while you go through this and do know there is a light at the end of the tunnel?but it is a very long tunnel in these situations!