Parents giving up adopted child

Although these two latest newspaper reports are still lacking in details they are much more believable that the original report.

I find it difficult to believe that someone would just dump a child without a second thought. But I can believe that looking after a troubled child with medical issues, especially where the problem is a bonding issue, could be too difficult to cope with.

For me the one thing that I?ve clung to when my children have given me hard times (my eldest is 20 years old now!) is that we love each other. I have no way of knowing if I would have coped if my children hadn?t been able to show me this love.

There is a Christian saying about ?Let he who is without guilt, cast the first stone.?
As none of us are in this situation I believe we should give the benefit of the doubt.
 
Its nice that you always like to give the benefit of the doubt Barb, lets hope you're right in this case.

Anyone who posts here works as a social worker or a child therapist? I'm VERY curious to know what "serious bonding problems" are? And why didn't they apply for Dutch nationality when they adopted the child? From this article it says they didn't apply for Dutch nationality due to 'serious bonding problem' at four months old? Again the paper could have misquoted and got facts wrong. However I find it hard to believe that all those agencies would suggest that they give up their daughter because of serious bonding problems.......
 
We may not be in the same shoes and so seem to be judgmental i.e. casting stones.

But honestly, whatever problems you may encounter with your own child, one you gave birth to, would or could you give up your child on medical/specialist advice?

To say that they got her naturalised as a Dutch because of an oversight given the medical problems. Good grief! If the entire family's traveling on Dutch passports... isn't it just glaringly obvious that there is a little girl traveling on a Korean passport?

Sounds like a face saving PR exercise for the family.

I just don't think there can be any justification for what they've done. They've gone below the belt but the girl may be better off in the long run if she finds a good home.
 
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From someone who HAS BEEN and STILL IS "in the same shoes"

"There is a Christian saying about ?Let he who is without guilt, cast the first stone.?
As none of us are in this situation I believe we should give the benefit of the doubt."

Excuse me, but I STRONGLY disagree! First of all, from what I read in the Dutch papers, it simply looks like a forged "excuse" to me: yesterday they were giving as a reason that the child "won't eat their food" and "doesn't fit into their lifestyle", today it is "because the child is sick", tomorrow they'll come up with something else!
The same paper though published interview with the little girl's nanny who is outraged and says that it was a very normal child, she just didn't get the same attention from these "parents" as their other children. Here:

http://www.telegraaf.nl/binnenland/2773925/_Consul_reageert_op_adoptieaffaire__.html?p=3,1

Short summary: Ex babysitter: "Jade received less attention. I would love to adopt that girl myself! A child is not a dirty sock! I am trying to find out where she is now so that I can offer to look after her."
Babysitter denies that Jade had any behavioral problems and says that Mrs. Poeteray from the beginning gave her les attention than her own son (who, by the way, loved the little girl!)

But even if we assume that they are telling the truth, that makes it even worse. As the Dutch readers rightly ask them, would they give up their OWN child, if he had the same problem?

I am especially angry because I am mother of 3 - and I AM in the same shoes as they claim to be (my eldest child is severely mentally disabled and it's very hard to look after her). Yet, in the last 10 years there was not one day when I even thought of giving her up because of that! And unlike these two partygoers, I have no babysitters or servants to help me.
When you love somebody who is vulnerable and needs you, you can't be that selfish. They just didnt love the child. Full stop. It was an accessory to them. They treated her like a puppy they got for Christmas. And now they are desperately looking for excuse so that they cak keep their positions and continue with their lifestyle - that's all that matters to them.
 
Most parents of autistic children don't give them up, or parents of children with other disabilities.

Just as I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy if I knew my child had Down's syndrome or some other disease that is compartible with life, there are people who do, a lot that do.

But to be fair, I suppose there may be rare situations where a severly mentally ill child whowas physically violent may be a danger to other children in the home, although if that happened here( in cAnada) such a child would most likely go to some type of a group home, probably not to fostercare. There sad thing is that if it is true that this child is so sick, she can't function normally in the only family she has known, she is likely to do worse elsewhere among people she does not know.
 
My mother was adopted. Both my mother and grandma have told me that my mother gave my grandma hell when she was growing up. Serious hell! But neither did my late granddad (bless his soul) nor my grandma at any one point want to give her up. Both of them did anything and everything in their power to make my mother feel love in the family. I am actually very close to my grandma. She tells me that it was never easy to bring up my mother but did she regret? Did she return my mother? No!

Now that I'm preparing to adopt a child, my dad has many doubts but one thing I told my dad, a child is not a pet and under no circumstances I will return the child. And that's why, I don't understand why this family will do such a thing.
 
Thank you Tula33 for expressing so precisely my thinking.

We have, as a society, gone completely mad if they are not held accountable for their actions of emotional child abuse. If condemnation/accountability does't occur what does it say to other adopted children? - it's ok for your adopted family to give you up - NO NO NO NO
 
I feel so sad. I can't imagine the trauma the little girl has for being abandoned Twice!

They are unfit to be parents. I wonder how they explain it to their 2 biological children.
 
My take on it...

They adopted her, thinking it would be OK - but something was wrong w/ them or their parenting - main evidence being that they never settled her citizenship.

The mention of problems or bonding and the fact that she doesn't speak Dutch makes me wonder if the little girl was somehow neglected or abused. This happens in biological families sometimes, one kid becomes the scapegoat and is abused or neglected while the other kids are basically OK.

I imagine that the little girl was taken into care for her own good (to stop the neglect).


So, it's probably all for the best that the little girl is separated from them and will no longer have contact with them.
 
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