Need to vent! frustrated with husband

[AmyH]

My husband used to be very non hands on and would just assume that he would have clean shirts for work and the house would be tidy etc..

I was a full time mum then and things worked well for us in the house but then my husband was made redundant and I found a job so our roles became reversed where he stayed at home and looked after our son while I worked in an office.

He suddenly appreciated every little thing that I did in the home and with our son. He managed to look after our son but the things he took for granted like the washing, ironing, hoovering etc were not done while I was working!

When he got his current job and we moved to Hong Kong I again became a full time mum and was pregnant quite soon after arriving here. We now have two children and no helper but my husband really understands how hard it can be for me and often sends me out for the day on the weekend so that I can have "me" time and I also get at least one lie in on the weekend too.

He really appreciated the things I do now and thanks me every day for the clean house, well looked after children, dinner on the table, clean shirts etc.

At the time the redundancy seemed like the end of the world but I am glad that he got to "walk in my shoes" for a little while so that he could appreciate me and the things I do.

 

[louisouis]

Hi Hunter,

Just want to say 'hang in there'! I understand your frustration. My husband is very unsympathetic and is my personal 'opposition party' in the house. Basically he opposes to everything.... where we get our groceries... when the baby should wake up... what I should hang on the wall... basically every single minute detail of life, he has and will have very strong oppositions to even though I know he does not really care. Basically he just like to 'throw a monkey spanner into the works' and stir stuff.... When I saw the comment about being a couple again in our next life like in those romantic comedies, I really laughed....Hahaha I agree what is the point.

Very difficult to be in the same boat when you row in opposite directions. I am also trying my best to work on it and must profess, I do think about jacking it in sometimes... so hang in there Hunter, you are not alone.

 

[Shenzhennifer]

One of the main things that really P$%& me off is not that I don`t receive enough thanks and recognition, it`s how my husband `unintentionally` makes my job harder. Coming home and being a slob basically. Leaving his stuff lying around, not returning things to their place, just lying on his lazy bum `taking a rest` while I`m working around the house. I have tried to tell him this, but he just doesn`t seem to get it. He often does the dinner dishes, and he thinks he`s a saint, as no other man does this (he thinks).
I`m not a cleanaholic or a neatfreak, but I like order and things neat and tidy and somewhat organized, especially in these tiny spaces. He doesn`t give a toss. And when he is working against me (intentionally or not), it makes me feel like he`s totally disrespecting what I do around here.
Word.:rollbaby:

 

[carang]

what would happen if you only cleaned up after yourself and baby... when hubby finally realises what a mess the place is and remarks on it, you can just explain that you have enough to do cleaning up after the two of you. if he can't clean up after himself, then too bad.

 

[Shenzhennifer]

Then the place would look like a sty. It`s too small to do that as well. I tried it with an empty bottle and glass once, but eventually I had to remove it because the cleaning lady was coming anyway. When I mentioned it to him, he made a joke about it. The only thing I do is if his clothes are lying about, I just throw them all crumpled in his closet. I don`t think he notices

 

[carang]

LOL! he will when he runs out of underwear! EWWWW! (sorry, not a laughing matter, but i couldn't help myself)

 

[spockey]

My husband and I used St. John's Counseling.
Worked out great. I saw one separately (a female - she was GREAT!) and we saw (a male - as there was no way my husband would listen to a woman tell him how he feels about things) a different counselor together.

We didn't realise how hard moving to a foreign country and switching roles could be on each other. We worked out that we had maybe 4 bad days and 3 ok ones - not even good! And we've... our marriage and myself has hit rock bottom before.

Hang in there. It'll all work out in the end. Now, we almost everyday in the week is a good one. There may be moments in the day when i want to wring his neck though still. But we've learned to communicate our needs without antagonizing each other through counseling.

It's actually brought us closer together... It's brought us almost to a level where we used to be when it was just us... even though we've not had many opportunities to go on dates. Like Frenchy - we spend at least 10 minutes a day... just us talking about our day.

 

[fingerscrossed]

After reading this thread (and many others) I've come to the conclusion that the majority of men out there:
1. NEED television & computers
2. Think that household chores are for 'women' only
3. Like to criticize but don't practice what they preach
4. Don't pick up after themselves / leave things lying around
5. Need appreciation for doing the dishes (big deal!)

Doesn't this all sound like the behaviour of a teenage boy? Sometimes I wonder how my husband has gotten to where he has today (career-wise) when he meets all the points in the list above. If I could turn into a fly and watch him at work, I might understand him more.