akachan
Registered User
Hunter,
Are you saying you would murder your husband if you knew you could get away with it? Get some help immediately! You sound very disturbed and unhappy.
Need to vent! frustrated with husband
- Thread starter yuukalim0404
- Start date
Hunter,
Are you saying you would murder your husband if you knew you could get away with it? Get some help immediately! You sound very disturbed and unhappy.
Shenzhennifer
Registered User
I think you`re just stirring up trouble there, akachan. Not a very positive or helpful remark.
From all these posts about being dissatisfied with husbands, I have noticed that most of us complaining are the ones without helpers. Am I right? Not that I`m out to get a helper, but a lot of my own gripes come from all the things that I do around here that are either taken for granted, expected to be done as my `duty`, or exacerbated by a messy partner. The day the cleaning lady comes I`m a lot more relaxed.
From all these posts about being dissatisfied with husbands, I have noticed that most of us complaining are the ones without helpers. Am I right? Not that I`m out to get a helper, but a lot of my own gripes come from all the things that I do around here that are either taken for granted, expected to be done as my `duty`, or exacerbated by a messy partner. The day the cleaning lady comes I`m a lot more relaxed.
carang
Registered User
i remember seeing a show on tv and the wife/mother was complaining about the husband's complaining.
she said, "he doesn't realise that the pile of laundry on the chair that he is complaining about is NOT the same pile as he saw this morning. i've done 4 loads of laundry since he left. he just can't see it. he seems to think that his clothes magically wash, dry, fold & iron themselves." or something to that effect.
i think that the problem many women still face is that to many husband's their wife is "JUST a housewife" or "JUST taking care of the kid/s"... the husbands don't seem to understand exactly what this entails. the hubbies complain about working long hours, without thought to the wife who wakes in the night to feed the child, clean the vomit, change the diaper etc. they don't consider the fact that this same wife starts "work" the minute she wakes and doesn't finish until the minute she falls asleep. he complains that he has to put in so much OT, but doesn't consider that his wife works 18 hours per day and on bad nights, 24 hours per day.
he complains that his boss doesn't appreciate the hard-work he puts in for the company, when he hasn't a clue what his wife does to make HIS life easier.
THAT is what these wives are complaining about. they just want a, "gee honey, was XX this grumpy all day? that must have been difficult for you to deal with! you must be tired. Why don't you go have a nice long, hot bath? i'll watch junior for an hour while you relax."
or maybe even, "wow, the house looks great! you take such great care of the family!"
actually, all most of us want now and then is very simple...
"THANK YOU!"
just two words, but you'd think that they were expensive for how some husbands ration them out.
she said, "he doesn't realise that the pile of laundry on the chair that he is complaining about is NOT the same pile as he saw this morning. i've done 4 loads of laundry since he left. he just can't see it. he seems to think that his clothes magically wash, dry, fold & iron themselves." or something to that effect.
i think that the problem many women still face is that to many husband's their wife is "JUST a housewife" or "JUST taking care of the kid/s"... the husbands don't seem to understand exactly what this entails. the hubbies complain about working long hours, without thought to the wife who wakes in the night to feed the child, clean the vomit, change the diaper etc. they don't consider the fact that this same wife starts "work" the minute she wakes and doesn't finish until the minute she falls asleep. he complains that he has to put in so much OT, but doesn't consider that his wife works 18 hours per day and on bad nights, 24 hours per day.
he complains that his boss doesn't appreciate the hard-work he puts in for the company, when he hasn't a clue what his wife does to make HIS life easier.
THAT is what these wives are complaining about. they just want a, "gee honey, was XX this grumpy all day? that must have been difficult for you to deal with! you must be tired. Why don't you go have a nice long, hot bath? i'll watch junior for an hour while you relax."
or maybe even, "wow, the house looks great! you take such great care of the family!"
actually, all most of us want now and then is very simple...
"THANK YOU!"
just two words, but you'd think that they were expensive for how some husbands ration them out.
yuukalim0404
Registered User
Cara- very well said! I think that's what I need at least 
Hunter- from reading your post, I could still feel your deep frustrations and I do agree prehaps going to a couseller will be useful at this stage since your other situation cannot change much at this moment ( ie get a helper or get a job immediately) Living day by day with this kind of angry thoughts makes one so pented up that sometimes it can even affect sleep and indirectly health and I am sure you will agree its not worth for that to happen to you.
Just a quick update, I have to agree with Shenzhenifer that hired help makes a world difference, if possible.
We recently signed on a fulltime maid as I will be going back to work and though she has not started till next 1-2months, mentally my mind has become MUCH more relaxed knowing help is coming soon. Btw though hubby does care and play with our baby after work, in terms of household help, he has became totally hands off since I am fulltime mom at home now! sigh!!
Hunter- from reading your post, I could still feel your deep frustrations and I do agree prehaps going to a couseller will be useful at this stage since your other situation cannot change much at this moment ( ie get a helper or get a job immediately) Living day by day with this kind of angry thoughts makes one so pented up that sometimes it can even affect sleep and indirectly health and I am sure you will agree its not worth for that to happen to you.
Just a quick update, I have to agree with Shenzhenifer that hired help makes a world difference, if possible.
We recently signed on a fulltime maid as I will be going back to work and though she has not started till next 1-2months, mentally my mind has become MUCH more relaxed knowing help is coming soon. Btw though hubby does care and play with our baby after work, in terms of household help, he has became totally hands off since I am fulltime mom at home now! sigh!!
B
Bumps
Guest
I believe that it is important for people - husbands and wives - to feel appreciated for what they do in the home. I always tell my husband how much I appreciate him making the bed, doing the dishes, picking up the groceries - basically anything that he does to help with the functioning of our home, I thank him. He too thanks me for what I do. It is not over the top... just a simple 'thanks' sometimes is the key. I also believe that EMPATHY makes a person feel loved and appreciated. And to say "I'm sorry"...... when called for.
Since we met, we always take 15 mn every evening to tell all about our day. We were doing it when we were both working, so we could vent our stress and have a nice evening without thinking about job matters, and we are still doing it, even though I'm not working anymore. Sure, telling about the laundry, and grocery shopping, and taking the kid to playgroup etc is not as exciting, but it's my life, and I have no reason not to tell about all the things I'm doing everyday.... that way my husband knows what my days are made of (and I'm quite sure he wouldn't change his place for mine, even though he is very supportive and share all the tasks when he is home), and I still listen to his work stories.
And we also thank each others for... doing the dishes, and little stuff that both has been doing during the day. I know some people think it's ridiculous, and take that for granted (heard that from some people i know), but it just takes the little voice "I'm doing that every day and I'm so tired of it and he does not see anything" off my head !
So... are we doing this because he is a supportive husband, or is he a supportive husband because we are doing this ?
And we also thank each others for... doing the dishes, and little stuff that both has been doing during the day. I know some people think it's ridiculous, and take that for granted (heard that from some people i know), but it just takes the little voice "I'm doing that every day and I'm so tired of it and he does not see anything" off my head !
So... are we doing this because he is a supportive husband, or is he a supportive husband because we are doing this ?
carang
Registered User
"even though I'm not working"
this is the biggest problem. Frenchy, you ARE working. you are just not earning for what you are doing. that in no way makes it less valuable than husband's contribution.
i think that until women can learn to value themselves if they choose to work in the home, then it is very difficult for husbands to value it.
ps> Frenchy, i'm not targetting you. just what you said because i think it epitomises the problem that many women face.
this is the biggest problem. Frenchy, you ARE working. you are just not earning for what you are doing. that in no way makes it less valuable than husband's contribution.
i think that until women can learn to value themselves if they choose to work in the home, then it is very difficult for husbands to value it.
ps> Frenchy, i'm not targetting you. just what you said because i think it epitomises the problem that many women face.
I understand, no problem. It was just a way to say I was not working in a company. I have no problem with being at home and I'm very happy about my situation, I'm not putting myself any pressure about working "outside"... and my husband understand how valuable my work at home is... that's the chance I've got.
This thread is getting more and more encouraging. All well said, ladies, especially Carang. You are a STAR. I used to say to my hubby back in Australia when we couldn't afford any help: I would be making more money than you are if we split my work into: a baby-sitter; a cleaner; a cook; a teacher; and the one who unconditionally love and care for the children: priceless...