Hi Jojo, everyone here has given you good advice but i thought I'd tell you something completely different that a psychologist said to a friend of mine. It might be completely off base but it sounds like you're desperate and willing to hear everything!
My friend's son is even older than yours and has been 'potty training' for over a year. Still won't tell her when he wants to do wee, wets his pants constantly (they took away nappies ages ago) and as for going poo, well you can imagine.
Anyway, he has a very, very regimented life and the psych says that it's his way of controlling the only aspect of his life he has any say in. I have no idea if this applies but it's worth putting it out there. If it's the case I would suggest letting him control a few more things in his life so he doesn't feel so powerless and things might just change.
Good luck. It must be so frustrating.
My friend's son is even older than yours and has been 'potty training' for over a year. Still won't tell her when he wants to do wee, wets his pants constantly (they took away nappies ages ago) and as for going poo, well you can imagine.
Anyway, he has a very, very regimented life and the psych says that it's his way of controlling the only aspect of his life he has any say in. I have no idea if this applies but it's worth putting it out there. If it's the case I would suggest letting him control a few more things in his life so he doesn't feel so powerless and things might just change.
Good luck. It must be so frustrating.