My MIL is driving me nuts

[katelynBB]

All this MIL talk is reminding me how my FIL is like... I don't have a problem with my MIL, its my FIL that crosses the line!!! Thinks he knows everything!!! I have to make sure someone is there when I tell him something, or he'll twist my words and something completely different will come out. I don't see them often, but when they're here, the days go by so SLOW... I feel like I have to plan everyday so that I don't have to see them.
One time, my husband begged me to on a Macau trip with his parents and promised that they would leave us alone... guess what his dad did... booked our rooms joined together (where you could open a door from inside the suite and go into another room, without going out)!!!! I was furious!!!! That meant if he wanted, he could come in anytime and take my daughter... we had no privacy.
I was so mad, never again will I go on a trip with them.
My husband says that's his personality and there's nothing we can do, that's just the way it is. Good thing they live in Canada.
=)

 

[cheerfulmama]

gosh, my MIL called again this late evening reminding me to bring baby's tooth brush and paste, and sun block. oh my god, I wish I could say that come on, why don't you come over and pack for us. oh my, she called us about 5 times today. I am so irritated.

envy most of you that your MIL is not in Hong Kong. Poor me, I have to handle her daily calls every single day. urhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

 

[babymommy2]

sto anserwing the phone, then when she complains sy you were busy feeding the baby, bathing, etc and you couldn;t get to the phone. YOu might have to be blunt since she doesn't seem to get the hint, and tell her thankyou very much for the advice but you know how to pack and don't need the advice.

 

[slamdunk]

i would also agree to not answer your phone all the time, so there isn't the expectation you're always there to listen to her 'advice' which appear to be on a whim...

good luck with your trip. it would be reasonable for your husband to say "No" next time and for your MIL to accept you need some just-family time.

or do trips which involve activity she simply won't enjoy (e.g. maybe she doesn't like sun & beach holidays - so go to Thailand!) and exclude her on that presumption...

 

[snagito]

Now might as well make the best of the situation since she's coming anyway. If the baby falls asleep in the evening and you are confident about leaving him/her to sleep make MIL sit there and wait while you and hubby go out and at least have a cup of coffee or some fun close by. Just for a little bit. I think this is a MUST so that she realises her role is to be there to support you both if she does insist on coming along then USE her.
She can't possibly say no as even your hubby will see it as her natural role.

:gl:

Tell us how it goes and try to have some fun while you're in Shanghai

 

[fingerscrossed]

Hmm, MILs (& FILs for that matter) can be a real pain in the backside. My ones are 'know-it-alls' (shanghainese might explain why) and the MIL has to have a say in everything. I remember getting really p*#$d off at her for telling me how my son should be bathed while standing behind me watching every step of the process. I turned around and asked her if she would like to take over (that was when my son was 2mths, I was a new mum, didn't have a helper so just didn't need comments like that).

They live in Australia so thank goodness for that but they visit twice a year to see the grandchildren. Our problem is the comparisons they make with the cousin, who is two month's older than my son. Makes me ill when they start comparing.

 

[HK2008]

Ladies, may I ask a question please...

My personal experience also told me that MILs quite often appear to be owning their sons. My one used to compete with me for her son's attention(no offense Mum please rest in peace). Now that I have a son of my own, I wonder 'could I possibly become such a MIL some day as well'? I wonder whether I could acknowledge from the bottom of my heart that some day my DIL is the most important one in his life(like smiles's Mum). I know the sooner I accept that, the happier everyone would be. But is it gonna be 'easier said than done'...otherwise how come we have so many MILs who simply cannot leave their sons alone?

 

[Smiles]

HK2008 I have to admit it possibly helps my mum that my brother married a fantastic girl, so maybe a lot of these MIL don't think their DIL are good enough. I've felt my MIL's behaviour has been like having a very jealous ex-girlfriend around (sounds very weird but only way I can explain it!).

I'd be interested to see how many of these MIL are actually happy in their own life or own relationship. My mum has her own life, has been happily married for 37 years and doesn't feel the need to be invovled in every little decision we make.

Maybe it's just luck (or bad luck as seems to be the case!)

 

[rani]

HK2008,

Funny you brought this up. Have been thinking the same, and I've made a pact with my girlfriends, that if I start showing signs of being the bossy MIL, they'll intervene and they'll plan more girls activities to keep us entertained and busy.

 

[joyofliving]

HK2008 to answer your question, the one thing I've learnt from my parents is to give children lots of space once they are married or engaged and give advise only when asked for. I have a daughter (Is it differnt with son's? I dont know) and I already have a "Not-to do list" courtesy my MIL once she is married and has children. Infact if someone has a bad MIL/ FIL he/she should make it their goal never to be like them or else they might end up making life miserable for everyone.