My 21months old boy hits whenever he gets upset, he would smack on my face, or anyone who is near him. I have tried so many ways to tell him hitting is not good, he seems to know its wrong coz he always appologizes but would just do it again and again whenever he gets angry. Recently he is getting really worse, he loses temper over 20 times a day and that means he is hitting me or my husband and helper over 20 times a day, I m getting really frustrated and worried, he will start going to prenursery next month, I really dont want to see him hitting other kids at school. Please help and give advice!
My 21months old boy hits!
- Thread starter ahlee666
- Start date
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Bumps
Guest
As soon as he does it next time - he needs to be isolated from people - take him to his room and close the door. This will illustrate that if this behaviour continues no one wants to be around him. Don't talk to him as this is a form of attention. When he has calmed down that is when he needs to be told that it is wrong and must apologize to whoever he hit.
chelle_law
Registered User
Sorry I don't have a lot of advice, but wanted to let you know you are not alone. My son is also 21mos and is always hitting other kids. I have found when he is around his friends, he hits less often and actually tries playing with them, but if we are in a playroom with other kids he just walks up and whacks them, especially girls. I too get really frustrated and don't know what to do. I can only hope once he starts talking more he can express his frustrations with words instead. I am curious to know what advice others posters have. Hang it there!
carang
Registered User
if it helps, he is hitting because he doesn't yet have the mental/verbal ability to express his feelings of anger or frustration.
while i agree that he needs to be moved immediately from the situation, and that you shouldn't give attention to him, you MUST explain to him why it is wrong. you could say,
"i understand you are angry. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but you must not hit. you can do XXX once you have finished cleaning up. I want you to sit here and think about that for 2 minutes. I will come back and get you in two minutes. this is "thinking time".
or something to that effect.
as for hitting unexpectedly at the playroom. talk to them BEFORE you go. explain that hitting is not acceptable. tell him that you will leave if he hits. when you arrive, the first time he hits, he gets a warning. after that, you take him home. you listen to him scream for an hour or two and then explain that you left because he was hitting other children and they could get hurt.
give him another chance the next day, but with the same consequences. he will learn, but it will take a while.
while i agree that he needs to be moved immediately from the situation, and that you shouldn't give attention to him, you MUST explain to him why it is wrong. you could say,
"i understand you are angry. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but you must not hit. you can do XXX once you have finished cleaning up. I want you to sit here and think about that for 2 minutes. I will come back and get you in two minutes. this is "thinking time".
or something to that effect.
as for hitting unexpectedly at the playroom. talk to them BEFORE you go. explain that hitting is not acceptable. tell him that you will leave if he hits. when you arrive, the first time he hits, he gets a warning. after that, you take him home. you listen to him scream for an hour or two and then explain that you left because he was hitting other children and they could get hurt.
give him another chance the next day, but with the same consequences. he will learn, but it will take a while.
Neha
Banned
we knew someone who was very possessive about his toys and he would hurt other kids and the mom used to be afraid and watch him a like a hawk. But once he started going to school and got older he calmed down alot so it can be phase but u should still explain to him that it is not right and time out works only after 2 years of age and if u use it too often it loses its effect.
best of luck
best of luck
carang
Registered User
actually, as a mother of a 4 year old, i would beg to differ. time outs actually increase in viability the more you use them and the older the child is. they KNOW what they are missing out on. they do not want to miss out on it and they usually improve their behaviour accordingly.
21 months is not too far off ot 2 years. i started the time out with my daughter about the same age. it just removes them from the situation, allows them a calm down period and as they get older, time to contemplate how to stay out of the time out.
at least that's my experience of it....
21 months is not too far off ot 2 years. i started the time out with my daughter about the same age. it just removes them from the situation, allows them a calm down period and as they get older, time to contemplate how to stay out of the time out.
at least that's my experience of it....
take it easy my friends. Children need to release pressure at times they are annoyed or dismay like you or I do, yet they cannot be as easily relieved as we do since they have difficulty in sharing with you by words, thus the most instant response is convey by action, viz beating or fisting on someone or in air. Every parent understand the ultimate reason but they cannot control their own temper when they identify their children are doing something inappropriate in adult society. I presume parents reading these threads do not suffer from the sympton of beating others and I presumed in the old days your parents wouldn't as cautious as you are now in handling this childhood reaction. Just tell them this is wrong everytime they commit and gradually they will revert normal. No need to exert undue pressure in rectifying this error as doing so implies you may have been influenced by your own temper.
carang
Registered User
clouder, i cannot disagree with you more! i teach playgroups. i see hundreds of children every week. parents MUST do something about children hitting. how are they every going to learn otherwise? it is up to PARENTS/CAREGIVERS to teach children how to handle their feelings of anger and frustration.
i just read some latest research into this issue and what has been said before is indeed true: kids hit because they cannot share their frustrations well enough. the second point however, is that an average 21m old does not have any insight before the hitting, that hitting someone else causes pain. this reflective insight of what other people might feel usually only starts to develop after 24 months.
as such the best reaction with all small kids is to demonstrate the consequences to the child itself - you could smack the kid back so it feels the same pain, but as nobody would do that of course, the better alternative is 'time outs' and removing them from the scene - consistently applied.
as such the best reaction with all small kids is to demonstrate the consequences to the child itself - you could smack the kid back so it feels the same pain, but as nobody would do that of course, the better alternative is 'time outs' and removing them from the scene - consistently applied.