Even if he is "just" banging on furniture, it could still be abuse. There is such a thing as emotional or verbal abuse. As the children are only 1 and 3 years old, deliberately and repeatedly screaming at them, making violent motions (like hitting or throwing furniture), etc., can do as much harm as a spanking. I once saw a Chinese father swing a fist at a small child, then at the last minute swerve to hit the wall behind the child. No, he didn't actually beat the child, but it was enough to cause terror.
Sparkeye -- If you are concerned about abuse, I would trust your maternal instincts. Whether or not it is technically abuse, screaming and banging on things is the WORST way to get a child to stop crying. If anything, it causes even more crying. If the child is having nightmare, it will result in more crying at night.
I don't know how messed up this father is. If he is reasonable and well-intentioned, maybe sit down and talk to him, explaining that yelling and screaming does more harm than good.
Some dads just don't know how to deal with small children. Even my husband, who is absolutely wonderful, lost his temper once during a particularly bad crying spell when our baby was a newborn. (This is not an exact comparison, as he is not abusive at all). But it's sometimes hard for guys to stay calm and quiet when they are aggitated, even if they don't have ill will.
I also know another guy -- a loving father -- who couldn't cope that his 1-year-old suddenly started waking up at night. He believed in some Chinese superstition that she was "haunted by spirits" and wanted to "beat it out of her." Thankfully, his wife intervened.
I don't think you should worry about long-term inherited mental problems. That's a long way away. What's important is that you keep your children safe and free from terror right now. One and 3 are too little to be treated that way.
