in despair. . . .

[MommyTo3]

You can do it by yourself. Millions of women do and so can you. Of course we like our helpers and the work they take out of our hands, but in the end, if you don't have one, it's not going to change the world. The house may not be as tidy, you may need to order take out once in a while, but it's not the end of the world. I am pretty sure you can find somebody to help you clean your house in the meantime for a few hours if that's what you need right now. My children were born in the States, family is in Europe. I had 3 children under the age of 3 (including new born twins) and very little help (cleaning and 8 hours babysitting a week) and a husband working 12 hours a day. I survived, and so will you . Hope you find a better helper soon This one clearly has to go.

 

[lesliefu]

no need to despair - do what's best for your baby. with only 1 baby, you will manage wonderfully without the helper (unless you have a job outside - which doesn't appear so). cooking / cleaning. etc will all come - you will find time and you will ultimately be able to arrange your time so you CAN do it all without stressing about it. for instance, i am sure there is NO need to do laundry every day - how much clothes can a baby and you and your husband have at the end of one day? maybe every other day for laundry....you'll be more than fine! with your head thinking straight and not worrying about teaching things to your incompetent helper, you will find that the time is used up more efficiently.

 

[roam]

Just adding an extra vote of "fire her now." There is absolutely no excuse for her to be harming your child, even if it was a light tap. A light tap now can escalate as time passes; if it was intentional, it almost sounds like she was testing the waters to see if she can get away with it. :frown:

Taking care of your child by yourself with no helper will be difficult at first, but it is a better solution than keeping someone who could potentially hurt you and your child. I take care of my kids (3 y/o & 8 months) by myself with no helper and my husband is usually gone every other week for work. It's definitely a challenge and sometimes you just need to step back and accept that you can't get everything done in one day (like laundry - I do it twice a week and my boys definitely go through a lot of changing in one day.) But the big upside is that all your energy that was focused on teaching a helper basic chores can now be redirected to your child, and they will definitely like the more one on one time with you. I used to think I wanted a helper, and I still do from time to time, especially now that I have two. I have a terrible time trusting anyone though, so I find for my own peace of mind, (and probably for any prospective helper)I choose to take care of the kids by myself and just plan things like groceries and household chores around the children accordingly.

You can definitely manage by yourself until you find a helper. :swoman:
Your peace of mind and your child's safety should DEFINITELTY be your priority above all else.

 

[mummymoo]

In terms of getting another helper that could be worse than her, by your description, you're scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one so I don't see how you could possibly get worse!
I mean kicking your baby in front of you!!!!!

The truth of the matter is, most of the time, when you hear horrendous helper stories that makes one shake one's head, it's usually because the helper has figured out that YOU need her MORE than she needs you, and she's going to wield that power to reduce her workload, up her pay, or just vent. Don't be THAT employer.

Fire her, you only have one child and you appear to be a SAHM, you can manage even with part time help for 2-3 months whilst you get another one. Go the friend's referral route. Search this website for interview questions and how to select the right person for the job.

Truth of the matter is, some ladies were not cut out to be domestic helpers, but many do a decent job. Good luck!

 

[Dianeb]

yes please fire her! she KICKED YOUR BABY (even though you were supposed to be at home at that time)..imagine what she would do or can do when she is alone with your baby. She is not someone you can trust and you definitely need to find someone else. You can find part time nannies/helpers in the interim while you look for new full time maid. good luck...

 

[matemate]

of course fire her.

about your worry on how to cope, you might consider having a part-time helper coming in a few days a week to do the chores (cleaning your place, laundry, etc). that way you get this piece of work out of the way easily and can focus more on the baby while searching for a new helper

 

[thanka2]

You can do it by yourself. Millions of women do and so can you. Of course we like our helpers and the work they take out of our hands, but in the end, if you don't have one, it's not going to change the world. The house may not be as tidy, you may need to order take out once in a while, but it's not the end of the world. I am pretty sure you can find somebody to help you clean your house in the meantime for a few hours if that's what you need right now. My children were born in the States, family is in Europe. I had 3 children under the age of 3 (including new born twins) and very little help (cleaning and 8 hours babysitting a week) and a husband working 12 hours a day. I survived, and so will you . Hope you find a better helper soon This one clearly has to go.

Will say that I believed the same thing but not all moms are the same. It really did change my world for the positive to have a helper--made me more of a functioning mom. So, while I do applaud the women who do it without one--even the ones who have several pre-school and younger children running around at home....I would never go back to being without a helper when my kids are little. If I hadn't gotten help with my kids it's a scary thought of what state our family would be in right now. So thankful for the luxury to employ a helper because I live in HK and totally not ashamed about that fact at all. I'm from the States as well and all of my American friends who are SAHM doing everything solo suffer from some very serious difficulties--among them depression and lower immune function--and their marriages are super tough. No thanks.

 

[baby-ethan]

update --- She's gone and I'm very happy. Like a load has been taken off my shoulders . (even though HAVING a helper is supposed to do that!!)
thanks for the encouragements "you can do it!" , made me stress less ... and I have arranged for part time help for housework. In the long run I think I agree with thanka2. I once thought I can be a supermum, taking care of the kid(s) and household all alone but must admit I'm physically and mentally over-tired already and I only have 1 baby!

Now need to find a helper who really can take the load off my shoulders ... wish me luck !