I have a dead marriage with a 2.5 years boy, I don't know what to do.

S

stephanie.happy

Registered User
I never dreamt of I would loose my marriage after I had my child. I wanted to divorce him, but really not sure if it's a right decision for my boy. Don't know what to do, feel like living in the hell.

I wish to make friends with single mothers or someone who has a similar situation as mine.
 
I feel sorry for what might had happened that make you have this decision, but first of all, you have to think about if such a decision is made after careful thoughts or not, are all the possibilities considered (that is both of you talking together, seeking help from other sources), if it's just made because of no careful thougths, it might not be the best one! Also, think about the little boy, will the marriage help the boys development or has the reverse action! Hope you will get over it soon!
 
as someone who comes from a "divorced" home,(it took my mother 18 years to get the courage to leave) the best advice i can give is this:

do NOT stay together "for the children". the children KNOW when their parents do not love each other. is that what you want to teach your child?

as far as i'm concerned two single, happy parents are MUCH MUCH MUCH better than two married miserable parents!

besides, do you want to waste your life living with someone you don't love?
 
totally agree with carang. sounds like your marriage is definitely not going to work out. i would try counseling if you haven't already to see if there is any way it can be saved but if not, do not stay in a miserable marriage. and for goodnessake do not think you are doing your child a favor by staying in it! my parents stayed together until 'the kids were older' 'for the sake of the kids' and i can tell you it was a terrible mistake that cost me and my brothers a happy childhood. as cara said, children are very sensitive and they absolutely KNOW when their parents are unhappy. even if you put on a happy face day after day after day and pretend like you are happy together, your kids will know and they will be scarred by having two unhappy parents staying together 'for their sake.'

good luck. you deserve a happier life and your child(ren) deserve a happy childhood. in this day and age there are so many divorced families with perfectly happy well-adjusted kids who know that their parents are happier not living together. i grew up with many of them.
 
As the child of divorced parents I just have to counterbalance that, in my experience family break down can have a very negative and long term effect on the children - it depends on how its handled I think. I personally think adults are often too quick to rely on children's 'resilience' in these situations and don't realise (or prefer not to think about) how sensitive the child's emotional development is to these type of difficulties and changes. Of course living in an unhappy home is not going to be great for your boy either. None of us know you or your circumstances, only you can decide what is best - can you talk to someone in 'real life'? You are bound to get more helpful advice from people who know you than from strangers on an internet forum. All I would say is that whatever decision you come to please do your best to keep things civil and make it as easy on your child as possible, try not to let bitterness take over. I hope things work out for you whatever you decide to do.
 
in the time it took my mother to work up the courage to leave, i learned a great deal.

i learned:

women are not to be valued
mothers are unimportant
it is ok to verbally abuse women and children
it is ok to emotionally abuse the same
physical abuse of women and girls is ok, too
it is ok to fool around with any other woman
it is ok treat women with derision and contempt
it is ok to lie about anything and everything

that was just MY childhood. like i said, i was ready to leave YEARS before my mother was. it took me years to recover and learn that the above is NOT normal and is NOT the way it should be.

i know that not all homes are like that...but that is what i learned from my mother staying with my father.

when my mother finally left, she and i learned:

it is VERY difficult being a single mum
it is VERY difficult having no one else to take up the "slack"
it is MUCH better to have a life, than be afraid of it.
 
stephanie.happy,

hmm... not knowing what is going on in your marriage, suggest u see a counsellor.
i think you can find the info on family planning website, they have marriage counsellor.
 
Can anyone else recommend some specific names of counselors (both marital and personal) or ways to get that information?

To Stephanie.happy, I think you can consider trying counseling first; not necessarily because it would make your marriage work out, but to help you come to a decision. If your husband won't go with you, you can try to go by yourself. The counselor won't make a decision for you, but they might be able to help you really consider all your options, and figure out what the underlying issues are so that YOU can make the best decision, which is what it sounds like you are worried about.

Since my parents stayed together (not a perfect marriage, but they were able to tough it out), I cannot give personal advice, but from what I read here from other people there is no easy choice, and I really wish you the best of luck. You sound like a caring mom who is trying to do the best thing for her child, and so no matter what you end up deciding to do I am it will be the right decision for your family.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

About this archive

This is an archive of over 20 years of GeoBaby and GeoSchools knowledge and discussions, kept online as a read-only reference.

Back
Top