I don't understand why......

[HappyV]

It's a very peculiar paradigm which expects very young children to act exactly like little adults. Not every child is the same. I have a friend whose child goes nutty in any restaurant that has flourescent (sp?) lighting. Other children simply find it over stimulating.

I would agree with the posters who have said that your child's behavoiru is not the province of inlaws to dictate or expect. You are the parent - do what is right for you. If your child won't sit still - they are npot being 'naughty' - they are simply being children.

We ask them to grow up too quickly as it is.

 

[Konradsmom]

Thanks for everyone's comments, it gives me comfort in knowing that I'm not alone.

I don't honestly expect him to be able to make it through the whoel meal, but sometimes hoping he'll keep still for 10 mins seems to be asking a lot. The only he gets to see the extended family ( granny, uncles , aunties) would be Sunday night when the family goes out for dinner, and we find it so hard to include him, cos the whole clan starts running around.

I just wanted to find a way to gently help him get used to restaurants and sitting with us at least for a short while, I do understand he is only 14 months.

The other reason why I wanted to take him with us on meals is because he seems to have very little tolerance for strangers - case in point, a friend came over for dinner at our place last night, and at the sight of a new face at the table he started crying ( I was holding him and sitting at a distance), so I wanted him to start getting used to new faces and new environments.

On this slightly different note, does anyone have any advice? I know toddlers have stranger anxiety, but not sure how much of this is stranger anxiety, how much is just him not used to new things.....

 

[Neha]

We were afraid of also our son not being social. It helped us by putting in various fun activities and parks where he met other people and helped us alot. u can try some activities

 

[mel_g20]

Maybe it is just me, maybe its because I am from the UK where some terrible things have happened to children, but I do not encourage my children to be friendly with strangers. I am happy for them to take their time to get to know people in our social group, but as they get older I will be teaching them NOT to trust strangers. I worry that HK feels like a safer environment, but really there must be the same worries about abduction.?? Sorry, doesnt really answer anyones question I guess, just poses a question of my own.

 

[MilkMonster]

hi there, we went through something similar at 14mths where my son would refuse to sit and would cry and scream whenever we went out to eat...we took a harder approach...so not sure if it's right for everyone but i'll just share our experience so you have some reference.

we decided to eat out more. haha it was a nightmare. we went out for 2 meals a week lunch or dinner and just didn't give in. we would firmly say, it's meal time now, you have to sit. it was really embarrassing and it must have been awful for the other diners but we chose kid friendly sort of noisy places and would have dinner at 530pm so the restaurant would be fairly empty. we didn't take him out of the highchair or walk him around. the objective was to get him to sit...mind you hubby and i would scarf our food and meals were really quick around 45mins total from the time we arrived until we paid and left. we usually asked for the bill as soon as the food came so we could leave as soon as we finished eating.

it took us a month but it worked!! at 15mths we could go out for a 1.5hr meal (as long as he's not tired) without screaming. we bring along books and toys so he can play in his chair after he finishes eating but he doesn't cry to get out of the chair. all was good for a few months...

now my son is 22mths and has his own opinion about everything so we are facing the same challenge as we did before so i think like some posted above maybe the magic age is 3yrs...or that's what i'm hoping anyway!!

good luck

 

[Konradsmom]

Hi Milk Monster - somehow I think I agree with your method, and perhaps I can try it whe the restaurants are relatively empty to save embarassment, I think we gave in too too early along the way and allowed him to be walked around and now it has gone to the point where even 2 mins is a lot to ask....

I might try it and see whether it works....or I can put up with the racket !!

 

[aussiegal]

I think there are some things you stand firm on and some things you give in on. Asking a 14-24 month old to sit still in restaurants is not something I would stand firm on. It's about picking your battles.

It's also important to remember that some things are simply a question of development. Sure, some people like Milkmonster might succeed in getting their children to sit quietly but is it really worth the effort, the headaches, the tears when most kids will end up being able to eat out in restaurants by the age of 3 anyway?

Hitting another child, being a bully, having a tantrum are all things I would not back down on but continually taking a child out to a restaurant so it learns to sit still is not.

I'm curious about the nationalities involved in this thread. I have noticed that Chinese parents demand their children sit still in restaurants and expect them to behave like mini adults even if it means giving them game boys etc to keep them quiet whereas most Western parents let their children behave like children a little longer.

 

[Konradsmom]

I think its a matter of getting to middle ground ( being able to sit still for some time like 15-20 minutes outside ) from the extreme ( not being to sit still for 2 minutes). I don't think anyone here is saying that we expect them to sit still for hours, although there are some lucky parents whose kids can do that.

Taking them out more is an attempt to get them more exposed and used to a new environment, its not as if parents are torturing children by taking them out - we're not sticking them in hot water to make them get used to heat.

And its always recognised that different nationalities have different ways of dealing with these issues, there is no right or wrong way, different cultures, different views.

Aussigal's last paragraph is a bit of a surprise to me - I would never think that any nationality's way of bringing up children is any more superior than others - thanks for having a go at chinese parents. And actually , many chinese kids do turn out alright.

 

[sherwes]

I agree with Konradsmom - there is a middle ground here. I believe that it is unreasonable to expect a 12-24 month old to sit still in a restaurant for long periods of time. What is not unreasonable is expecting them to sit still for 10 or 15 mins while you feed them and eat your meal also. I haven't reread this thread but I don't think anyone is suggesting that you should expect a child just to sit unentertained for substantial periods of time.

My 12 month old loves coming out to restaurants with us. he gets to try different food, be in different surroundings and loves "talking" to the waiters and other patrons. Of course he has a finite attention span so we always make sure he is occupied either eating, playing or interacting with us. It is a really fun experience for all of us albiet not a leisurely one. When my son has had enough we just leave...

As for the comments about the faulty memory of in-laws - I have to laugh. They must have really forgotten what is it like to have young children! I wonder if when we are 50 we will tell everyone how our children were little angels, never had tantrums and always ate all of their vegetables....

 

[Neha]

There is nothing wrong in trying to get kids a little discipline. It is not a chinese thing . nobody expects them to mini adults