I am secretly hoping I don't gain too much weight - a bit scared to look fat

Am I crazy to have this thought?
No, it's not crazy to think this--it's pretty common.
But, "looking fat" is definitely not the worst thing that can happen to a person. Believe me. Nothing like pregnancy and childbirth to really confront a person with her own body image.
I was always quite thin my entire life (and pretty flat-chested too). I went on hormonal birth control when I got married and immediately gained about 7 kilos. I went off hormonal birth control because I had some dangerous health problems associated with it. I immediately got pregnant, unintentionally, (in less than one full cycle) and thus my "hormonal roller coaster" continued.
Now, I am the heaviest I have been in my entire (non-pregnant) life. Although most people couldn't guess this by looking at me because of how I carry the weight, I'm actually about 25 kilos heavier than I was when I got pregnant with my first child.
I've had to go through the process of learning to love "the new me" and let me tell you it's not easy. I lost about 15 kilos after I gave birth to my first child but gained it completely back with my second pregnancy and I'm still breastfeeding my daughter so hormonally I'm really not in a good position to lose any weight right now. I've worked out, ate well and toned up but haven't lost a single kilo in over a year. In my experience, after I'm done breastfeeding, within 3-6 months, the weight will start melting off on its own. As long as I breastfeed, no hope of that happening. That was how it went with my first child.
But, I say all of this to agree with carang. Your body WILL change with pregnancy--even if that doesn't mean you weigh more--a body that has carried a baby will never be exactly how it was before it carried a baby. For some women this means nice surprises like larger bust size and a more curvy figure that they've always dreamed of having. For others it means excess and stretched out skin (even if they remain thin) and saggy breasts. My mother-in-law had horrible lower back pain until after my husband was born and then somehow that pregnancy cured it for her. You never know what the "new you" will hold in store. And mentally and emotionally you'll change too. It's such a huge metamorphosis, I think.
And I have to be honest, it's not always easy to come to grips with it but I think it's better that women who have been through it share honestly about the possible pluses and negatives. There is nothing to fear but do be prepared that pregnancy, childbirth and being a mother will change you in unbelievable ways.
Here is a great resource that helped me.