Carang and Newdad - my husband agrees with you both and he too thinks I am overreacting. But this is personal choice - that I prefer people I do not know to not touch my baby without permission. So my question was more for those mothers and fathers that feel the same as me and to suggest ideas of what I can do to prevent it.
How to handle strangers touching your baby?
- Thread starter Mingaling
- Start date
- Status
2010-NewDad
Registered User
Well, babies are different to adults
I know some children don't take kindly to strangers, and some have no issue at all. My own children are like chalk and cheese in this respect - from shy & reserved to very gregarious. The most shy one will flinch away from strangers and turn her head - they get the message and stop. Nobody wants to upset or bother her.
The youngest, and most gregarious will happily smile and play with anyone. It's lovely to see a moment of pure human joy on both sides of the equation.
At the end of the day, it is easier to change our own views than change those of the wider population here.
Germs is also a factor, I rather not add to the germs my baby has to encounter. She already puts everything in her mouth.
And yes, I agree - i find that this culture loves an adorable baby. But what culture doesn't?
Well, you can try to change the culture here, or get upset and stressed everytime someone approaches/touches your baby.
2010-NewDad
Registered User
Apologies - something went wrong with my post and appended some of your post to it - hope nobody is confused!
I have three blonde, blue eyed children who range from shy to gregarious as above poster and I agree with general idea that as long as my children dont mind, I dont mind, but I must admit when my kids are too young to vocalise for themselves I draw the line at face touching as we walk down the street/ park etc. I learnt how to say politely in chinese 'please dont touch face' and everyone respects this.
Good luck trying to enforce a 'no touching at all' policy, especially in places you often frequent as they preceive they 'know' your baby.
Also your baby will be picking up on your stress/ anxiety every time someone approaches you- do you want her to be apprehensive about new people and situations.
I think we all had a set of ideals when we began our parenting journeys and as hard as it is to moderate/ relax these, sometimes for the sake of your own sanity you need to. If you think this battel is orht fighting 100% go for it, but in HK you face many more years of this issue (still an issue with my 6yr old- and yes she still puts her thumb/ fingers in her mouth without washing her hands religiously every time)
Good luck trying to enforce a 'no touching at all' policy, especially in places you often frequent as they preceive they 'know' your baby.
Also your baby will be picking up on your stress/ anxiety every time someone approaches you- do you want her to be apprehensive about new people and situations.
I think we all had a set of ideals when we began our parenting journeys and as hard as it is to moderate/ relax these, sometimes for the sake of your own sanity you need to. If you think this battel is orht fighting 100% go for it, but in HK you face many more years of this issue (still an issue with my 6yr old- and yes she still puts her thumb/ fingers in her mouth without washing her hands religiously every time)
@ nic and newdad - thanks for the feedback but accepting it is easier said than done! My friends back home are shocked that such behavior exists here so perhaps it is a cultural thing.
Re: the wait staff touching my baby, I have seen them purchasing fish at the nearby fish market and dropping off the fish at the restaurant. They also handle money all day (which studies have shown, carry the most germs and bacteria). How often do you think their hands are washed? I have given one waitress a heads up (she touched my baby's cheek) and asked that my baby not be touched, but its done anyway.
My baby is not bothered by it, my baby is all smiles all the time and is excellent with new faces.
Re: the wait staff touching my baby, I have seen them purchasing fish at the nearby fish market and dropping off the fish at the restaurant. They also handle money all day (which studies have shown, carry the most germs and bacteria). How often do you think their hands are washed? I have given one waitress a heads up (she touched my baby's cheek) and asked that my baby not be touched, but its done anyway.
My baby is not bothered by it, my baby is all smiles all the time and is excellent with new faces.
On Sunday I was shopping with my daughter in the Market Place and I had my back turned for seconds and there were a few people trying to get my daughter to laugh (she was sat in the trolley) and they were taking pictures of her, touching her face and squeezing her feet. Its not the first time someone has taken a picture of my daughter with out my permission. It infuriates me. I am not a "psycho over-protective" mother. I would just like a little respect when I am out and about with my child and some personal space and common sense.
Mingaling I am completely with you on this, its so frustrating. Its like some people just don't have manners.
Mingaling I am completely with you on this, its so frustrating. Its like some people just don't have manners.
carang
Registered User
guess as children grow up, most parents moderate their firmly held ways.... at least those things that you can't change.
guess we'll have to agree to disagree. personally, i think it's human instinct to want to touch a baby, especially one who is all smiles. i also agree that baby will definitely pick up on your anxiety and you might therefore cause similar anxieties in your children as they grow up. much in the same way that i hate tomatoes, and now, neither of my kids like them either.
guess we'll have to agree to disagree. personally, i think it's human instinct to want to touch a baby, especially one who is all smiles. i also agree that baby will definitely pick up on your anxiety and you might therefore cause similar anxieties in your children as they grow up. much in the same way that i hate tomatoes, and now, neither of my kids like them either.
TNJ - thank you! I am relieved to know there's another mother who feels babies are not public properties. I will continue to tell people that touch my baby that its not okay...perhaps they will think twice before doing it again.
Carang - please be a little more sensitive with your words. Saying mothers like me will cause anxieties in our children as they grow up is a bit harsh. As picking up anxiety, maybe. But she's also showered with so much love and laughter - which is why she's so happy all the time. And your tomato comment, my husband's father HATES veggies. My husband loves them.
Carang - please be a little more sensitive with your words. Saying mothers like me will cause anxieties in our children as they grow up is a bit harsh. As picking up anxiety, maybe. But she's also showered with so much love and laughter - which is why she's so happy all the time. And your tomato comment, my husband's father HATES veggies. My husband loves them.
carang
Registered User
sorry that you didn't like my contribution.... i have a *lot* of experience with young babies and new parents having taught baby playgroups for almost 2 decades. and what i'm telling you is the truth.... parental anxieties *can* be passed onto the babies. i've seen it often. children learn what they see.... if they see you get upset every time a stranger approaches/touches them, then they are learning that there is something to be fearful of/anxious about.
you didn't like my example of tomatoes.... so here's another one that i've witnessed so many times over the years....
kids' first day of kindergarten... the kids who are crying the most? the ones with parents who are anxious and worried about how their kid will handle it. the ones who, generally, cry the least? the ones with parents who say, "Great! You'll have so much fun! I'll see you in a couple of hours!" and walks away.
anyway, this is an internet forum. i've been a member of it for almost a decade. when you post something you'll get opinions that you agree with and ones that you don't. i was not being insensitive. i was being honest. i'm sorry if that offended you. i'm just a mother of two (now almost 8 & 10) who has been through similar issues, who has taught others' children for 20 years and has tried to help where and when i could. if you don't like what i have to say, then please, ignore it. that's ok with me.
you didn't like my example of tomatoes.... so here's another one that i've witnessed so many times over the years....
kids' first day of kindergarten... the kids who are crying the most? the ones with parents who are anxious and worried about how their kid will handle it. the ones who, generally, cry the least? the ones with parents who say, "Great! You'll have so much fun! I'll see you in a couple of hours!" and walks away.
anyway, this is an internet forum. i've been a member of it for almost a decade. when you post something you'll get opinions that you agree with and ones that you don't. i was not being insensitive. i was being honest. i'm sorry if that offended you. i'm just a mother of two (now almost 8 & 10) who has been through similar issues, who has taught others' children for 20 years and has tried to help where and when i could. if you don't like what i have to say, then please, ignore it. that's ok with me.
Carang - I have no issues teaching my baby that strangers are not permitted to touch. Ever heard of that saying "don't talk to strangers"? That applies to kids (and in my case at the moment, my baby).
Do what u want with your kids and I will raise mine the way I feel is appropriate.
And your day care setting or school setting is totally different. That's a setting where people are paid to take care of my kids, and believe me, I will do my due diligence before enrollinh her. My sister has two kids and my sister prevented strangers from touching them as well - guess what, first day of day care, they said goodbye and was fantastic! Your examples, in my opinion, don't really have any merit...sorry.
I started this thread to ask how I can prevent strangers from touching my baby - not to hear criticism. Your
comments are negative and critical. So your two cents is not asked for nor is it needed. Thanks for participating though.
Do what u want with your kids and I will raise mine the way I feel is appropriate.
And your day care setting or school setting is totally different. That's a setting where people are paid to take care of my kids, and believe me, I will do my due diligence before enrollinh her. My sister has two kids and my sister prevented strangers from touching them as well - guess what, first day of day care, they said goodbye and was fantastic! Your examples, in my opinion, don't really have any merit...sorry.
I started this thread to ask how I can prevent strangers from touching my baby - not to hear criticism. Your
comments are negative and critical. So your two cents is not asked for nor is it needed. Thanks for participating though.
- Status