How old were you when you were ready for a baby ?
- Thread starter cuppatea
- Start date
Junebugwhite
Registered User
I was 40 when my husband and I finally thought we wanted a child, we always thought we were not into being parents. It suddenly changed for both of us. I just had our first (and probably onlly because i am of ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE) child at 42. We just were not ready before, maybe selfishness, etc. Who knows, but I feel much better waiting until I was ready than feeling the pressure of the clock. Yes, we could have missed our chance by waiting so long...but we got lucky. 10 months of trying naturally and it happend.
I got married when I was 26 and pregnant with the first at 27. I was definitely ready and it was the perfect time for me. I had time to be 'free' in my teens and early twenties, I had a good job but I had no specific career aspirations and I didn't find the corporate world particularly fulfilling. So I became a stay at home mum and I still had time up my sleeve to enjoy just having the one for a while before contemplating the second. I just had my second (and last) child. I'm not keen on another pregnancy and I have visions of paying 3x international school fees and driving a people mover. No thanks! I was probably about 3-4 years ahead of my friends back home - most seemed to hit the big 3-0 and then began popping out babies.
Labour is such a minor consideration IMO. What comes after that is much, much harder!!
Labour is such a minor consideration IMO. What comes after that is much, much harder!!
southside852
Registered User
it wasn't so much my age which i went by, it was more of me wanting to enjoy my first few years of marriage with my husband - just us 2 together. I married at 27 and our first son was born when i was 30. we had an amazing 3 years of marriage together which then had us ready to begin the next chapter in our lives - starting a family and i just happened to be 30.
A random guy's perpective.
I married when I wanted to start a family, my wife didn't at the time. Then 3yrs ago, my wife changed her mind, but by then so had I. Just the way it was really. Happy to say that our 1st is now due in July and we are both ready, or think we are...
32 yrs young this year!
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I married when I wanted to start a family, my wife didn't at the time. Then 3yrs ago, my wife changed her mind, but by then so had I. Just the way it was really. Happy to say that our 1st is now due in July and we are both ready, or think we are...
32 yrs young this year!
Sent from my GT-I9100 using GeoClicks Mobile
Cuppatea
I think way too much fuss is made over labor. After all, it's finite. Even if it's an extremely long labor, it's no more than a day or two out of your life. And with medical technology, you can choose to go the natural route, or to have pain relief, or a C-section.
When I was pregnant, I was brainwashed by all the fussing over labor. My whole neo-natal class focused on something that -- at the end of the day -- was just a short hospital stay.
The big committment is actually raising the kids. The first two months of breastfeeding were a million times harder than labor.
It's fine if people don't want kids. Your other reasons -- wanting to stay out late, not liking noisy kids -- seem to be about lifestyle and are more legit.
Two of my girlfriends never wanted kids. They devote themselves to work, travel, hobbies, friends, and are extremely happy.
But I've never heard of someone who, deep inside, really wanted kids, but was just put off by something that lasts several hours!
I think way too much fuss is made over labor. After all, it's finite. Even if it's an extremely long labor, it's no more than a day or two out of your life. And with medical technology, you can choose to go the natural route, or to have pain relief, or a C-section.
When I was pregnant, I was brainwashed by all the fussing over labor. My whole neo-natal class focused on something that -- at the end of the day -- was just a short hospital stay.
The big committment is actually raising the kids. The first two months of breastfeeding were a million times harder than labor.
It's fine if people don't want kids. Your other reasons -- wanting to stay out late, not liking noisy kids -- seem to be about lifestyle and are more legit.
Two of my girlfriends never wanted kids. They devote themselves to work, travel, hobbies, friends, and are extremely happy.
But I've never heard of someone who, deep inside, really wanted kids, but was just put off by something that lasts several hours!
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Cuppatea -- Honestly, if your main concerns are going out at night, doing what you want when you want, sleeping in, etc. and you put these pursuits above caring for your child, then maybe you shouldn't have them.
There's no rule that everyone has to be a parent.
It's sad when I see kids born just because their parents were under social pressure, but who aren't really wanted and are just treated like a nuisance.
I just met a mom-to-be who was already planning on sending her baby away to be cared for by someone else. So (and I know you're joking) but there are people who treat their kids like animals who have to be kenneled.
My Chinese ayi just told me of "hospitals" in China where rich people send their infants for those difficult first months, even though they're perfectly healthy. They basically grow up in fancier versions of orphanages.
A less crazy version is the rich Hong Kong tai tai who has a houseful of servants, who's barely ever lifted her own baby.
Which makes me ask -- why have kids to being with?
BTW, you seem to have a rather odd view that parenthood = loser.
I'm a full-time working mom. I eat at nice restaurants. I have a beloved cat, a social life, an active working life, and am very independent.
And as the baby gets older, she will integrate even more into my life. I hope that, someday, she will be my eating / shopping / travelling buddy.
Of course I've made some adjustments. I deliberately don't have our helper come in the mornings so I can spend a good three hours with my daughter before I work at noon. I do this because it's my great joy. I schedule more lunches now than dinner because I really like catching my baby before her bedtime. But, again, this is not because it's an obligation -- it's because I love it. If I really wanted to stay out, I could, esp. with the childcare situation in HK.
The tone of your message is slightly resentful. The idea of having a baby doesn't seem to make you happy (maybe it does, and it just doesn't come across in a brief message). But if your only concern is that you're "supposed to" feel a certain way, that doesn't seem reason enough to bring a life into this world, and be responsible for 18+ years.
There's no rule that everyone has to be a parent.
It's sad when I see kids born just because their parents were under social pressure, but who aren't really wanted and are just treated like a nuisance.
I just met a mom-to-be who was already planning on sending her baby away to be cared for by someone else. So (and I know you're joking) but there are people who treat their kids like animals who have to be kenneled.
My Chinese ayi just told me of "hospitals" in China where rich people send their infants for those difficult first months, even though they're perfectly healthy. They basically grow up in fancier versions of orphanages.
A less crazy version is the rich Hong Kong tai tai who has a houseful of servants, who's barely ever lifted her own baby.
Which makes me ask -- why have kids to being with?
BTW, you seem to have a rather odd view that parenthood = loser.
I'm a full-time working mom. I eat at nice restaurants. I have a beloved cat, a social life, an active working life, and am very independent.
And as the baby gets older, she will integrate even more into my life. I hope that, someday, she will be my eating / shopping / travelling buddy.
Of course I've made some adjustments. I deliberately don't have our helper come in the mornings so I can spend a good three hours with my daughter before I work at noon. I do this because it's my great joy. I schedule more lunches now than dinner because I really like catching my baby before her bedtime. But, again, this is not because it's an obligation -- it's because I love it. If I really wanted to stay out, I could, esp. with the childcare situation in HK.
The tone of your message is slightly resentful. The idea of having a baby doesn't seem to make you happy (maybe it does, and it just doesn't come across in a brief message). But if your only concern is that you're "supposed to" feel a certain way, that doesn't seem reason enough to bring a life into this world, and be responsible for 18+ years.
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By the way, I didn't mean the above message to sound harsh. It just seems like, if you're so conflicted, think carefully about what you really want, instead of doing what you think you "should" do.
Personally, I love kids. I always did. For various personal, relationship and medical reasons, I had to wait until my 30s to have a child.
But my non-mommy girlfriend just decided to go off for a yoga retreat with no notice! I'm happy that she's happy.
We're all different.
Personally, I love kids. I always did. For various personal, relationship and medical reasons, I had to wait until my 30s to have a child.
But my non-mommy girlfriend just decided to go off for a yoga retreat with no notice! I'm happy that she's happy.
We're all different.
carang
Registered User
yes, think carefully about it, but also know that when/if it happens to you, your whole perspective MAY change.
yes, hubby and i can and do go out for dinner just the two of us, but more often than not, we enjoy taking the kids with us.
it's taken a while, but i can sleep in again. my 5 & 7 year olds can get up, make their own breakfast, brush their own teeth, have their own showers, dress themselves and keep themselves occupied and quite happy until 10-11am on a Sunday, if mummy's really tired. they WILL come up and ask permission to do certain things, but then they go back downstairs on their own.
it's not like you're giving up these things forever, is it?
yes, hubby and i can and do go out for dinner just the two of us, but more often than not, we enjoy taking the kids with us.
it's taken a while, but i can sleep in again. my 5 & 7 year olds can get up, make their own breakfast, brush their own teeth, have their own showers, dress themselves and keep themselves occupied and quite happy until 10-11am on a Sunday, if mummy's really tired. they WILL come up and ask permission to do certain things, but then they go back downstairs on their own.
it's not like you're giving up these things forever, is it?