How many of you have a fantastic helper?

[carang]

i used to think the same as gracey, until i had a hopeless helper. she started off ok, but never, ever was interested in the kids at all! i am a very generous employer, but she was really hopeless.

our first helper was good and our current helper, so far has been fantastic!

 

[thanka2]

i used to think the same as gracey, until i had a hopeless helper. she started off ok, but never, ever was interested in the kids at all! i am a very generous employer, but she was really hopeless.

our first helper was good and our current helper, so far has been fantastic!

Very true, Cara. Our first helper was just not cut out to be working in that type of job. We tried everything and at that time she had very little responsibility because my mom was living with us and taking care of our son and we only had one child at the time and I only worked part-time. But, she just never got with it. Have always given our helper her days off (and then some) as well as being generous with everything we have and really caring about her and her life. Our current helper is amazing but I have to say it isn't because of all those things--it's just because she really is a very able woman!

 

[deduja]

My helper works only 8 hours a day. Saturdays she leaves at 1PM after making lunch. I allow her to have part time job in the afternoons because she wants more income even after we pay her a good salary. We let her leave her out because she wants to live out. We pay her housing. We are family of 3 with one big child, we dont let her work like a slave. But she is bad, can not clean can not cook, comes late to work, sometimes even would not come. I treated her like a friend at the beginning which was probably a mistake. Or it is just her.

 

[yonge]

Had a GREAT helper in my mind - cheerful, adored the children, honest, and hard-working. However, my parents who live with us had never had a helper in their lives before (just as my husband has never had to live without one) and always found fault with her. She stayed with us four years (and eight years before that with a friend), but finally left to reunite with her family. I haven't gotten another live-in helper since as my parents insist that getting one would "kill them". Since then, we've gone through three part-time helpers in 8 weeks, through no fault of our own. The first turned out to be an illegal FDW living outside her employer's residence, the second was never a cleaner before and found the job unsuitable to her personality and we're trying the third tomorrow.
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[thanka2]

My helper works only 8 hours a day. Saturdays she leaves at 1PM after making lunch. I allow her to have part time job in the afternoons because she wants more income even after we pay her a good salary. We let her leave her out because she wants to live out. We pay her housing. We are family of 3 with one big child, we dont let her work like a slave. But she is bad, can not clean can not cook, comes late to work, sometimes even would not come. I treated her like a friend at the beginning which was probably a mistake. Or it is just her.

I'd say in your case, your helper's issue is that she is "entitled" and has very little respect for your authority. I think your leniency toward her has sent the message that no matter what she wants or does you'll be okay with it.

If my understanding is correct it is illegal for helpers to "live-out" (although, not uncommon) as it is also illegal for them to have part-time secondary employment. Seems like the way you described your helper is like a teenager who says, "Mom, Dad, I want this..." and then the parents just oblige.

I think it's good if a friendship develops as part of a business relationship but trying to start off a business relationship as a friendship is usually a recipe for disaster. I love and respect my helper and have always treated her fairly but she earned my friendship through her dutiful attention to her job. There were things she requested of me when she first arrived which I said "no" to and because of that a healthy set of boundaries were established.

So, without respect it's impossible to have a good relationship with anyone--whether it's a working relationship or otherwise. I think your helper just disrespects you because she mistakes your leniency as foolishness.

 

[charade]

I have one great helper and one pretty good helper. My helper is awesome with my kids, great at cleaning and running the house, okay at cooking and a wonderful person. Her sister who joined us is great with my baby daughter (but only just bonding with my toddler son), great at cleaning, cannot cook to our style yet and a nice person but not as outgoing as our first one. I am very happy with both of them and I hope they are happy with me. I have had part-time helpers before (one of my helper started out as a part-time) and I've never had a bad one.

 

[peainpod]

We've had our ups and downs with our helpers. The first one had a great personality, was cheerful and loved playing with my son (she was with us from his birth) but was rather rough and careless at times (once she was peeling a carrot and somehow managed to fling the peeler out the kitchen window!).

Anyway she left us to go to Canada after one year and her replacement (my first helper's cousin) was a complete disaster! Never worked as a helper or abroad before and managed to give my son a deep cut (needing stitches) and locked herself out of the house (with my 1-1/2 yr old still in it alone!) while throwing out the garbage- all in the same week too!

Third helper was great, really efficient and quick on the uptake. We were really happy with her but had to let her go after she accumulated over $100K of debt and her collectors started harassing us.

Now we are on our 4th helper - it's only been a week but so far things seem to be good. She's quiet but seems cheerful. Very good at cleaning and cooking, and needing very little instruction. (I actually signed her over from another geoexpatter who relocated to Singapore.) My only concern is she seems soft and I'm worried she'll let my 4 yo (who has a v strong personality) walk all over her!

 

[Gracey]

Cara, Thanka and Deduja - Sorry if was unclear.
I meant that people who mistreated their helpers -- and who then turned around and complained about "bad" behavior -- should look at themselves first, to see if they are causing extreme fatigue, hunger or distress.
I didn't mean that every bad helper was the result of bad treatment.
I'm sure there are many great employers who simply suffered from bad luck.
So far, we've been lucky, though. We've only ever had one helper, and she's great.

 

[mummymoo]

I meant that people who mistreated their helpers -- and who then turned around and complained about "bad" behavior -- should look at themselves first, to see if they are causing extreme fatigue, hunger or distress.

The weird thing about this is that I have never had anyone put their hand up and say they were a bad employer!!!! I've seen some horrendous jobs out there for helpers and shudder at the thought of working for these people BUT the people themselves actually think they are good employers - either they are trying to save face or they are really in some severe denial (methinks the latter).

I agree with Carang and Thanka2, some people were not cut out to be helpers, and some people are plain dishonest (all lines of work). When you come across these helpers, life is terrible no matter how great an employer you are.

On the other hand, you generally have to be a good employer to keep really talented staff in your employ.

 

[evgreen]

I have a great helper who is a direct hire from the Philippines. She can cook Chinese food quite decently, follows instructions well and is proactive. Plus my daughter loves her. The only drawback is that her spoken English is not so great, but I can totally deal with that. She's been with us for one year and was referred by my other helper of 28 years! I hired her thru a phone interview.