Thanks for all the stories and suggestion. To be honest, it upsets me more than him - he doesn't seem to remember the next morning, but I'm heart broken since he used to be such a happy and "easy " kid before #2 arrives.
He is very stubborn and can cry for over an hour at night ( we have tried that when he woke up in the middle of the night and we didn't go into his room).
I'm inclined to play "nice" and read more books till he falls asleep rather than close the door and let him scream. After we move in s few weeks he will have a real bed and things might be more settled.
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Ah, that makes sense. There is a fabulous book out there called "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer"--I have the original version and the expanded version for the toddler years and beyond. The author talks about "accidental parenting"--when we do things to appease our children so we don't feel so bad rather than just biting the bullet and doing what's actually best for them (and will achieve the desired behavior results).
It does take a lot of guts to stand up to your toddler and there have been times when I disciplined my son and I had to go in the other room and have a cry by myself because it was emotionally difficult to do.
I think it can be compared to immunizing your child. I don't know about you, but I can't stand to see my child cry and for this reason it's really hard to see him have his shots (jabs, immunizations). But, does that mean I just don't do it because it makes me uncomfortable? No. The benefits in the long-run outweigh the temporary discomfort (for me and him).
So, even crying for an hour a night isn't that big of a deal if you can make yourself go through it. (If you're consistent you'll find that that hour won't be an hour after a couple of weeks--it will diminish and go away) It's not the cry-it-out-method (CIO) where you just leave the child to scream until they can't anymore.
You keep checking back with him and reassure him that you still love him and are there--comfort him just enough to calm him down a bit and then you leave. If he starts crying again you tell yourself that you'll check back in a few more minutes (you set the time and keep an eye on the clock) and you just keep doing this until he learns that you are the one setting the agenda, not him.
At 2-years-old, most children do not have the actual mental maturity to "reason" and by trying to negotiate a "deal" with them you are overwhelming them with too much power. They need leadership and assurance.
Also agree with carang that there is a big difference between actual fear and just a need to assert control. Two-year-olds often struggle at bedtimes and with meals etc. in an effort to test boundaries and see if they can influence their little worlds.
