How do other mums cope with this stuff?

[mumto2]

Hi, I am genuinely interested to hear how other mums cope when they hear other mums wanting to do things with their babies/toddlers/kids that goes against what you do?

I know the easy answer is that of course each mum really believes that she is doing what is best for their child (or for themselves). But what do you do when you hear something or read something that just has you shaking your head in bewilderment? Ignore it? Try to find the most non-confrontational way to share another idea?

I love the world we live in now, with access to answers, suggestions, etc. over the internet. We have so many resources to try and find the best possible answers for our children. Its brilliant but sometimes it can highlight the many many different ways and excuses (lol!) for how we raise our kids.

This topic is NOT for bashing other parents, but I'm interested in what you think at the same time...

 

[MLBW]

I don't really understand your question?

Are you asking: "What do you do when other people (strangers/friends?) try to do things with your baby that you don't do yourself?"

or

"What do you do when other people (strangers/friends?) do things with their babies that you don't do?"

Could you give an example or something?

 

[carang]

i think that she meant the latter.

personally, i know i'm very opinionated. i think that it depends on who you are talking to as to how you respond.

sometimes, i just say, "oh, i never bothered about that." "oh, i never experienced that."

often people ask me for advice. i just tell them what i did, but also say that everyone does things differently and the biggest thing to remember is that everyone is doing their best and what they think is the best for their child.

ex. personally, i think it's crazy to spend so much money on buying organic stuff for babies. however, i know that not everyone has the same financial constraints as i have, not everyone has the same experiences or beliefs. so long as it's not hurting their child, it's really none of my business.

 

[mummymoo]

I agree with Carang, if whatever it is is not harming the child then it really is none of my business anyway. Also I think information overload is just as bad as information underload in the internet age.

 

[joyofliving]

I think that every parent does what they think is best for their baby and sensitive to the point where they view any advice to be criticism/ interference. Most of the times I consciously try not to view my opinions but there have been occasions where I have asked my friends the reason behind what they are doing. It is a subtle hint for them to rethink and evaluate their action.

 

[capital]

quote I know the easy answer is that of course each mum really believes that she is doing what is best for their child (or for themselves).

I think you have to believe that this is true. It does not bother me in the least when people do things differently than me, even if I totally disagree, it is not my business how someone else raises their child (assuming not abuse obviously).

For example I am in a moms group and I BF until my baby was 2, not that anyone said anything, but I am sure they all thought I was nuts, but I didn't really care. I look at my BF a toddler as making it more normal for others. If more people BF toddlers then other people wouldn't think of it as "too long". 2 of the women in that group had serious issues with milk supply and ended up pumping and feeding for months and they had really wanted to BF, and had a lot of guilt around that, so I never really discussed my views on BF ever, because all that wouild do is make someone who had such a struggle and guilt over it defensive and feel bad.

Most of them had living rooms were filled with container after container after container (bumbo chair, swing, playpen, exersaucer, jumeroo, it was endless!!) but I;m not really into containerizing my baby'e and used only the swing, perferring to put my baby on the floor. I never once expressed my view on their containerizing their own baby. Another mom cloth diapered only, she was the only one, it was not an issue for her or the rest of us. Some of use used "cry it out", some didn't, it didn't matter.

I think it is fine to share your view when asked, but if someone is saying what they like and you say that's not good and here is why, it turns people right off.

 

[elizaveta]

and safety??

It is an interesting topic. The answer seems natural - mind your own business. But here is one difficult example:

We went on vacation with our good friends and our children. Their girl is nearly 2 years old, ours 1.5. I am quite strict with safety rules and make sure that my daughter is surpervised. They are always claim that they are "very relaxed parents". We had a non-fenced pool in the garden. Twice during the holiday I found their 2 years old ALONE playing with water in the pool with NOONE in sight. Her mother was cooking in the kitchen. I was nearly physically sick - if she would have lost balance (pulling buckets of water from the pool) and went down with no sound? I happened to be there by pure chance.

I only mentioned this vaguely, in words "arent you afraid if", but response was again "very relaxed". So I left it, feeling uneasy about potential accident. I did not want to hurt their feelings and did not comment or had a discussion. Mind your business. But I still feel weird about it. What would you do?

 

[mel_g20]

Hi Elizavita, in that situation then I am afraid that the only answer is to speak your mind. The parent was not being a relaxed parent, she was being irresponsible. I am sure this put alot of worry/stress on you about the childs safety. Imagine the guilt if the child had drowned. I bet you were concerned about leaving your own child in her care!

 

[bumpkin]

hi, mel_g20

Second what you said. We trust our children but not in that way or that much. Most of young children are fearless and anything could happen because of that. They have no idea what can be danger to them. So if we have to apply mind-my-own-business rule, I simply would draw some distance from them, just to avoid any possible lawsuit.

 

[carang]

sorry, if it comes to safety, i WOULD NOT hold my tongue.

no climbing on tables, playing near water (without supervision), playing with electrical outlets.

if you DIDN'T say something, you would be negligent. (it seems to me that is what your friends are).

some parents are so worried about being their child's friend, they forget to be parents!

you child will have many friends in their life, however, they will only ever have two parents, so act like parents, your kid's will thank you for it!