Home remodeling... yes or no?

[yonge]

Reading this just made me so mad as I remember what it was like for me when I was pregnant with my first. I had suffered a miscarriage before that and everyone thought they knew the reason - e.g., it was the bananas, the watermelon, the pineapple, etc. Everyone, that is, except the doctor, as these things just happen. Yes, Chinese culture is a culture of blame, but remember, what people say are more of a reflection of them than of you. If people persist in being silly, just smile kindly and do your own thing (with your husband's support, of course) - in one ear and out the other. It's amazing how unkind people can be, but it's a reflection of their family's values or culture and not necessarily the one that you'll be nurturing for your family. You have the right to have your own peace and if anyone tries to take it away from you, you have to make sure it stops - either by removing them or yourself from their presence. People have the right to talk, but you (nor your children) are not obligated to listen.

My parents actually moved in with me after my elder son was born. It took some time, but I had to address all the unsupportive habits that they had from their own upbringing that I did want to perpetuate in our family. That includes things like superstitions about diet, children's names, comparing children, etc. I realized that not addressing them would be allowing an environment where the children are exposed to incredibly hurtful words and behavior on a regular basis. And people wonder why so many Chinese children (and adults) have low self-confidence!

You will know what's best for you and your family, and this goes for beyond renovations. Have a very happy pregnancy and take good and proper care of yourself (as a doctor would want you to)!

 

[Gataloca]

Yes. Chinese seem to think that "pride" is a bad thing. Remember that, when small, when we had a good achievement, my dad would just swallow his pride, and say some neutral, or even hurtful thing, to make our achievement look insignificant. For some reason they think that when you have high vanity or feel too proud of yourself, you would get stuck, stop improving, and would look down at other people. Get compared with another children is the same thing. One is never good enough, so I stopped caring about what they thought or expected from me long long time ago.

But part of the reason I am delaying the renovation is because I am afraid that we may be short of time, and don't want to be in too much hurry. Both my hubby and me work from Mon to Fri. On Sat afternoon we are attending to some antenatal classes at the public hospital (as this is our first one, and none of us have idea about how to care for a baby). So really leaves us Sunday. Renovation really takes long time... Like thinking about the design, choosing material, finding a place to live in the mean time, packing, moving.....

So yes.. I guess it would be good to leave it for later... And at least it would stop my dad from calling other relatives, so to tell them to call me and convince me that I should not do any renovation.... it is soooooo annoying!!!!

 

[reei]

Gataloca, your dad is so funny..
that's really.. cute and well, maybe annoying.. besides all the superstitous,, long winded stuffs,, he cares so much..