Home remodeling... yes or no?
- Thread starter Gataloca
- Start date
carang
Registered User
but you could just as easily blame it on that orange you ate... or the cat that you looked at or the crack in the pavement you stepped on or the shampoo that you used.... the list goes on and on.
like i said, I think it is total and utter rubbish. for ME there would be NO lingering doubt. I would not look to blame my child's character on the fact that i moved the sofa when i was pregnant. i believe that a child's character is a mixure of nature AND nurture and that the two work together to form the whole child.
children with a tough time in-utero or during birth CAN thrive just as much as those that are carried to full-term without problem.
my two pregnancies were hell, to say the least. hospitalised 13 times for a total period of over 3 months. both kids born early, my daughter technically pre-mature. BOTH of my kids are now happy & healthy. my daughter is a robust girl with lots of energy (even though i was wheelchair bound for 1/2 of my 8 month pregnancy). she walked early, and was speaking full sentences well before 2 years of age.
all of that has NOTHING to do with what i did or did not do/eat/look at/smile at/think about when i was pregnant.
the question is not should you remodel your house or not....the questions REALLY are:
do i have the guts/courage/belief enough to stand up to my parents & in-laws and do what I want to do?
if i give into this, will they then try to force their beliefs on me again in the future raising of my child?
i KNOW that what i'm saying is VERY western and NOT the chinese way of going about things AT ALL. so, again, sorry if i've offended anyone... no offence was intended.
i can TOTALLY sympathise with you... i just wouldn't have the patience to put up with it... i'd laugh it off and probably say, "aiya! chee-seen!"
like i said, I think it is total and utter rubbish. for ME there would be NO lingering doubt. I would not look to blame my child's character on the fact that i moved the sofa when i was pregnant. i believe that a child's character is a mixure of nature AND nurture and that the two work together to form the whole child.
children with a tough time in-utero or during birth CAN thrive just as much as those that are carried to full-term without problem.
my two pregnancies were hell, to say the least. hospitalised 13 times for a total period of over 3 months. both kids born early, my daughter technically pre-mature. BOTH of my kids are now happy & healthy. my daughter is a robust girl with lots of energy (even though i was wheelchair bound for 1/2 of my 8 month pregnancy). she walked early, and was speaking full sentences well before 2 years of age.
all of that has NOTHING to do with what i did or did not do/eat/look at/smile at/think about when i was pregnant.
the question is not should you remodel your house or not....the questions REALLY are:
do i have the guts/courage/belief enough to stand up to my parents & in-laws and do what I want to do?
if i give into this, will they then try to force their beliefs on me again in the future raising of my child?
i KNOW that what i'm saying is VERY western and NOT the chinese way of going about things AT ALL. so, again, sorry if i've offended anyone... no offence was intended.
i can TOTALLY sympathise with you... i just wouldn't have the patience to put up with it... i'd laugh it off and probably say, "aiya! chee-seen!"
I join Carang on the western outlook... even tough I don't know much about Chinese superstitions etc, that I respect, but would never follow.
I have never moved and renovated as much as when I was pregnant, but just avoiding caring heavy stuff and having enough rest to save my back.
Apart from that, it depends what you think is the most annoying, living in your house and deal with the stuff, have your parents in law camping in your living room and have no time to do anything else for a few months, or renovate now as you want to (it's YOUR house) and listen to them blaming you for whaterer will happen to your baby (even falling from the slide will probably be because of your renovations anyway !!)...
My mum has asked me if I needed her to come to help me with the arrival of my second baby (at least she asked!), I just said No, thanks. No excuse... so you don't leave the door opened to any other proposition.
Good luck !!
I have never moved and renovated as much as when I was pregnant, but just avoiding caring heavy stuff and having enough rest to save my back.
Apart from that, it depends what you think is the most annoying, living in your house and deal with the stuff, have your parents in law camping in your living room and have no time to do anything else for a few months, or renovate now as you want to (it's YOUR house) and listen to them blaming you for whaterer will happen to your baby (even falling from the slide will probably be because of your renovations anyway !!)...
My mum has asked me if I needed her to come to help me with the arrival of my second baby (at least she asked!), I just said No, thanks. No excuse... so you don't leave the door opened to any other proposition.
Good luck !!
Gataloca
Registered User
LOL! Thanks ladies. I'll really take your comments into consideration. Let's see what my hubby think about this also (by the way, he doesn't like my parents, although it seems that my parents don't know that). We will probably have to wait till the Chinese New Year festival finishes before we can do anything anyway.
Shenzhennifer
Registered User
Another western voice here...
Do what you want. I`m not sure how pregnant you are, but I would definitely want to have my home all sorted out by the time the baby comes. You will NOT want to deal with all the details, disruption, noise, etc after the baby comes as you will be too busy feeding, burping, changing, sleeping, eating. At the same time, I would do it asap so it could be over by the time you are REALLY pregnant. That might be uncomfortable for you, and annoying.
Not sure if it would apply or not...but when I was pregnant the apartment upstairs was remodelling BIG TIME. It was pretty much the entire time I was pregnant and it sounded like there was a jackhammer going on all day every day, I kid you not. I thought I would go crazy. Anyway, my baby was fine, more than perfect. You can tell your folks that.
And about them coming to visit you after you have a baby... well, that`s also up to you, but I now wish I had the courage to tell my mother in law that it would have been better for her to wait a while before coming to `help` with our new baby. And she HAD a room to sleep in.
Tell your parents your doctor recommended that you do all your renovating before the baby comes
Do what you want. I`m not sure how pregnant you are, but I would definitely want to have my home all sorted out by the time the baby comes. You will NOT want to deal with all the details, disruption, noise, etc after the baby comes as you will be too busy feeding, burping, changing, sleeping, eating. At the same time, I would do it asap so it could be over by the time you are REALLY pregnant. That might be uncomfortable for you, and annoying.
Not sure if it would apply or not...but when I was pregnant the apartment upstairs was remodelling BIG TIME. It was pretty much the entire time I was pregnant and it sounded like there was a jackhammer going on all day every day, I kid you not. I thought I would go crazy. Anyway, my baby was fine, more than perfect. You can tell your folks that.
And about them coming to visit you after you have a baby... well, that`s also up to you, but I now wish I had the courage to tell my mother in law that it would have been better for her to wait a while before coming to `help` with our new baby. And she HAD a room to sleep in.
Tell your parents your doctor recommended that you do all your renovating before the baby comes
carang
Registered User
i will ALWAYS be grateful to my mother for saying, "i'm not coming to visit after the baby is born. the LAST thing you need is me standing over your shoulder telling you... that's not how i would have done it. besides, you have been a couple for the past 7 years, now you need to learn how to be a family. you do NOT need me there for that!"
Gataloca
Registered User
Tell your parents your doctor recommended that you do all your renovating before the baby comes
Oh, this is a good one, lol!
I am currently 16 weeks pregnant. EDD July 10th 2010. We should be able to really start looking into this by March 1st, when the renovation stores open after Chinese New Year Holiday. That leaves us like 4 months, before baby arrives.... unless he or she decides to arrive earlier.
As a Singaporean, who had received western education and lived inthe U.K. for many years and had been brought up with a mixture of chinese and western influences. I will still choose to wait simply because it will be YOU who will have to answer to their never-ending questions after the birth. You may have a western rational but the older generation and the majority of Chinese relatives do not. Of course the more rational side of you will think that it is superstition but you will have to deal with whatever is around you. Just as we should not go around imposing our personal cultural values on others, many older folks cannot help it simply because they only want you and the baby to be safe. And since Asian cultures believe more in the 'good of the family' rather than the 'individual', if you can do other arrangements it will be good to wait. Perhaps you may even end up moving to a different apartment after the baby is born!
It will be very stressful when they keep blaming tiny details on the mother when you have just given birth, feel insecure due to post baby hormones andstuck in the house due to confinement.
I am sure your parents will not be too harsh on you, it will be the relatives wagging their fingers. Of course if you are strong, you can simply ignore them and think that it is all rubbish but frankly speaking, after giving birth all I want is peace and quiet and some time to rest, and I must confess, due to the hormones I was extremely gullible and insecure, if anyone blamed anything about the baby on me, i would have believed them.
It will be very stressful when they keep blaming tiny details on the mother when you have just given birth, feel insecure due to post baby hormones andstuck in the house due to confinement.
I am sure your parents will not be too harsh on you, it will be the relatives wagging their fingers. Of course if you are strong, you can simply ignore them and think that it is all rubbish but frankly speaking, after giving birth all I want is peace and quiet and some time to rest, and I must confess, due to the hormones I was extremely gullible and insecure, if anyone blamed anything about the baby on me, i would have believed them.
By the way you are very lucky to have your parents to come and stay, I was lucky enough to have my mum. Because you know what, you are their little girl, they are here to take care of you even though they may let you think that they are only here for the baby. It was during my confinement that I realised how much my parents loved me.
Gataloca
Registered User
Yes...... My aunt (my dad's older sister) kind of insinuated that I had my miscarriage at week 7, 3 years ago because of my cat... "Cats are bad!..they jump around, and may step on your belly and harm the baby... You have to get rid of your cats!".... crazy!
My dad also keeps saying that I should get rid of the cats because of the baby. Their idea of pets is that they are just some disposable items.
My dad also keeps saying that I should get rid of the cats because of the baby. Their idea of pets is that they are just some disposable items.