Helper viewing porn at night...

[KCKMelb]

This is an awkward one. Our helper has worked for almost 12 months, we have a 15 month old son, who she takes care of 2 days p/week.

I gave her an old laptop of ours to use whilst she is employed with us, so she could Skype her young family each day and watch DVDs in her small room at night - it made me feel better that a) she saw her children often and b) had entertainment with movies.

A couple of weeks ago my helper commented that the computer was running very sluggishly and could I take a look at it. In process of cleaning it up I went to remove the temp Internet files and cookies and discovered a detailed array of porn sites which it appears she has been visiting.... I'm not talking about one or two (which I would have called simple curiosity), but dozens!! This is someone who spends all day at church on Sunday's and what I least expected!!

I cleared the temp Internet files, gave her the benefit of doubt and didnt say anything about it other than 1- be careful that you only visit reputable non dodgy sites as bad sites can put viruses on your computer that cause damage.

Ive taken a sneaky look at the temp files again today (1 week later) and its filled with visits to porn sites!!

What to do!?

Please help... I'm after a range of different views on this issue.....
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[mummymoo]

KCKMelb, to be quite honest, I don't think its any of your business. I agree it probably doesn't sit well with you, as you'd (and I) would prefer our children to be looked after by a Mother Teresa, Florence Nightingale type - but this is real life. She's probably a young woman, with a libido, if the sites she's visiting aren't harmful, may be she's just finding some outlet? This is much better than wandering down to Wanchai to discharge her pent up urges.

Same sort of thing, if you happen to have found that she had sex toys to satisfy herself with after hours. She's woman first and foremost, so long as she does her job well, washes her hands before handling the little one and food, what she does in her own time is her private business as long as it wasn't illegal.

I would be frank with her however, tell her the reason why her computer is so slow is that the 'sexy' sites she's been visiting have clogged up the computer, and that if she only visited good sites like facebook, or skype then it wouldn't be a problem. Then she can take it from there as to what she will do next time her computer doesn't work any more.

Good Luck

 

[birch]

You've said that you have given her the laptop to use while she is employed with you so you have every right to say something to her. The laptop is your property not hers, every company I've worked for you aren't allowed to go on to porn sites so why would this be any different. But if you have given her the laptop to keep then it wouldn't be any of your business what sites she visits after hours.

 

[KCKMelb]

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[thanka2]

I would be honest with her and tell ther that it seems that she's been visiting porn sites. In the case of our helper who is a Christian (as are we) I would have no problem keeping her accountable on that. I would simply say that she'll need to use the computer in the public areas of the house from now on. She can still chat with family and she can still watch movies but not in her room. That's how I would handle it with our specific situation but my helper and I are also pretty close.

 

[KCKMelb]

Hi there, thank you for the replies so far, much appreciated. It is our laptop and remains our property for her to use whilst she is employed with us. Any virus that found its way onto our computer as a result of her Internet surfing would damage our property. But that's not what I'm worried about.

I am more worried that she is very innocent and naive (although mid forties with young children). The types of websites she has visited are obscene and i believe pose a risk to her and to my family. There could be undesirable people lurking that could ask questions about her family, financial situation, my family, financial situation, our address.... She's quite simple minded and so the fact that she is chatting on porn websites with strangers worries me greatly. I gave her the laptop to use with good intention - Skype, email and Facebook so she could see and speak with her family. Its not a morale issue of whether I believe she should view those sites or not, it's more to do with the risk she is imposing on us, and herself - particularly as that relates to her living at the same location as us....
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[penguinsix]

I think one thing you should check is whether these are real visits or possible a spam (or a popup window) type visit. For example, take a look at the homepage. Is it something like

Site 1
Site 2
Site 3
Site 4

or is it

Site 1
Site 1, picture 1
Site 1, picture 2
Site 1, picture 3
etc. etc

If it is the former, it is entirely possible she got hit with a pop-up bomb--one of those annoying windows that opens another window each time you try to close it. If the latter, she probably is visiting sites and perusing stuff.

 

[mummymoo]

KCKMelb, I'm quite surprised that she is visiting these obscene (what does that mean?) sites and chatting to strangers esp as she is married with children, and am equally not sure how she could afford it, from my understanding these sites are really expensive and you have to pay (but am not sure). I still don't believe visiting a site where there are sexy stories (equivalent of mills and boon novels) or ladies articles telling you how to satisfy your man is not a problem - but that is MY definition of porn, but am troubled by your later post. Seems not as innocent now.

I would simply say that she'll need to use the computer in the public areas of the house from now on.....
My only problem with this solution is that I don't want my helper or my husband for that matter to be on the phone/pc chatting away for ages as it seems kind of anti-social to me and a bit of a nuisance.

Not sure what the solution is. If it were just related to erotic love stories, I still say leave her alone, but once she is viewing obscene material and chatting with strangers than it s a larger problem.

 

[carang]

i was thinking the same as penguinsix. it HAS happened to me before. every time i tried to x out of the pop up, it'd open 5 more.... i had to scrub my computer once because of it.

 

[matemate]

on a separate note, is the computer always in her room and non-accessible by either your husband or your 15y old son? you might want to consider this so as not to accuse the wrong person.

the second question i would have is what an 'obscene' website is that could do so much harm to your family as your describe. any website with a chat function could do the same harm, so you might want to prohibit her from using facebook too.