Helper gone missing

[zyxwv]

The other posters have given you great advice and it sounds like you have executed on most, if not all, of it.*

It is kind of you to be so concerned for your helper's welfare. However, if she has cleaned out her room and taken everything but a few old clothes, then *she is very likely safe and you shouldn't be concerned.*

Don't fault yourself for being generous and don't worry about feeling taken advantage of. *It was the caring thing to do and even if she was less than honest, you helped someone who probably needed the help.*

Don't let it stop you from being generous with your next helper. I would say, maybe don't give a loan next time, either give as a gift or don't give it at all.*
Posted via Mobile Device
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[kathyh]

Dear Zyxwv,
Thanks for your comforting comments- I feel better now and learned to look on the bright side that, perhaps in some way, I may have helped her.
If she had cleared most of the stuff and leaving few old clothes behind for me to throw away, I would have felt less worrying but because she had also left behind her 4 year old daughter's new and pretty pair of shoes (Kirarin) that's why it made me wonder and worry.
I put myself in her shoes - if I had to run away.... I would bring that shoes with me bec it seems costly and the shoes would made her daughter very happy. Some Hello Kitty clips are left in the shoe box too.

Funny that I was telling a friend this afternoon - since I'm burnt by being nice, I think it's a lesson learnt to be tougher than be too generous to helper, especially. But I guess you are right that I shouldn't let this person influence me. Wow, this is so therapeutic!! Thanks.

 

[penguinsix]

Tangentially related to this thread, I wonder how many people have a secondary number to contact for their helper? For example we have the number of our helper's sister-in-law who also lives in HK, and the number of her family back in the Philippines to call if there is a problem.

Might be a good thing to ask for if you don't have it already.

 

[nikkig]

Hi - how do you know something horrible has not happened to her - could she have been involved in an accident or something? I know the money thing looks bad but she may be hurt somewhere?

 

[elle]

Hi - how do you know something horrible has not happened to her - could she have been involved in an accident or something? I know the money thing looks bad but she may be hurt somewhere?

the OP really seems to have taken this into account and filing a missing person report with the police, which it seems she has done, is just about all you can do. But if you read the OP's account of what happened, her helper cleared out almost all of her things from her room, which would indicate that she left voluntarily...

Kathyh:
More people should treat their helpers with as much kindness as you do. I hope your helper is alright and that you find new help and can move on soon.

 

[kathyh]

I have contacted the Philippines Consulate the very next day (even though I don't need to as the police would have done it anyway but not soon enough, in my opinion) and they will do the contacting with her family/kids in Philippines as they have the contact details in the Consulate.
I've tried contacting the friends - they too were shocked to know that she had just left and that Emma owes them money too.

 

[kathyh]

HI Nikkig - No I don't know if something had happened to her and that's why I am having a pretty hard time wondering about her safety. Precisely the question I asked the Police when I reported her disappearance on the same night, they said 'If something eg accident had happened to her, the hospital would have contacted the Police and they would have contacted me within the very few hours soonafter.'
So, when Emma had left at 2pm on Monday and I made the report to the Police at 11pm, I would have been informed by then.
I was told that, since Emma is not a minor (she's 34 year old) she is big enough to take care of herself.
Emma was supposedly going to the Philippines Consulate to renew her passport on that day.
It's been few days now, and the Philippines Consulate are still checking on her whereabouts - I did ask if she had left the country? with someone possibly????

 

[kathyh]

HI elle - Emma did NOT clear most of her belongings, in fact I think, she had only brought a few things with her (eg documents, photos of her 4 kids, her extra handbags and few personal stuff) she have left behind 2 suitcases of clothes in the room.
What I find this whole thing odd is that, she had left behind a beautiful walking shoes for her daughter (upon daughter's request) and some Hello Kitty's hair clips together in it, of which she was so proud and couldn't wait to send it to her daughter later - she didn't bring it with her!
It's as if - she didn't intend to leave but the fact that, the important personal stuff are gone and she had gone.
She even left behind her leather jacket and leather shoes that she loves. She didn't wear much that day when she left- the usual - just a handbag.
So my guess is that, when I was out of the country for few days during the Chinese New Year, she had already taken out the important stuff to a friend .... but also, she could have taken out all the clothes during that time but she didn't. Anyway, I wouldn't know it until I checked her room as I don't usually go to her room.
Still a mystery to me!
Like the Ph Consulates said - she's an adult and she should be responsible for her ownself. Yes I know that, but I've treated her like a family and I like to know that she is safe.

 

[Gracey]

KathyH -- I have no constructive advice to give here. But just to say, you are one kind soul.

 

[kathyh]

Gracey, very kind of you for saying that but I am not perfect either.
Treating her nice was merely to show my gratitude for her service and hoped that she would put her heart onto her job. You see - Emma was molested by her father at a very young age and then sent away to the countryside. Later, at a very young age, she married a bump and had four kids. She probably had never felt love before - so, I feel very sorry for her childhood. I gave her extra money on top of her salary just as a 'motivation gesture' but I guessed, she didn't know how to be thankful. On top of that, she still owes me HKD 8,518 because she bought a laptop for her kids so that they can communicate on a daily basis - that was partly my fault too bec I encouraged it.
I really think that she had met a guy few months ago (after observing many things about her) and had ran away with him, knowing that I wouldn't approved of it given her circumstances - it's not unusual apparently after having shared this with many people.

However, this has taught me to be more cautious with helpers from now on - after all, we let them in into our home and they can 'ransack' our things when we are out. Thing is, I've had employed many helpers during my 24 years in
HK and I've never felt so insecure and violated as I have experienced this time. She knows so much about my family but I don't even have her contact in Phillipines!
Feeling stupid this time round but certainly not next.
I hope my experience will also help others to know and be vigilant as to whom we hire into our HOME.! Scary!!