Help! Working mum leaving baby with helper...

Hi Sherwes,

The guilt of going back to work is bad enough, let alone fear of what will happen to the baby down those steps. But you know what? Helpers are seriously strong. I have seen some tiny petite little women holding these toddlers and marching faster than I walk, I mean, these women are mentally and physically very strong and have the patience of saints. So don't worry about those steps. Your helper could probably arm wrestle you to the ground. My helper can hold my toddler and baby longer than I can, I swear she takes protein supplements or something, and I work out every day but I swear she's stronger than me.

And as for speeding taxi's, dont' worry about it, if your helper gets scared, she will say something or possibly swear at them in Tagalog, either way they will slow down. I have seen my helper give people hell when they piss her off, its hilarious.

I really envy you for going back to work, thats great. I worked in the UK after having my first, I loved it. Since moving here and having my second, I can't get work, been hunting for 6 months, absolute nightmare. So depressed about it. So enjoy going back, don't worry about the baby, and as for guilt, it gets better. The worst for me with guilt is when I go out for a drink and both of my babies are howling, its awful!

Best of luck,
Sophie
 
I think many people in HK are in the same situation as you are.

I had to leave my 6 month old with my helper and was really worried for the first few weeks. However, I gave her training whilst I was still at home and gradually let her take over the care of the baby under my eye so I felt confident leaving her.

There are some helper training courses available that specialise in all aspects of child care. Annerley run a first aid and baby care course and Ladybird Lessons run child development and activity ideas courses. Perhaps you could send her on some of those so she has some more ideas for appropriate activities. My helper goes shopping and does the routine things on a Saturday when I am home to look after the baby.

I think if you have hired a good helper and trained her properly she should be equally as good as a hired nanny and much cheaper !

Also helpers are very resourceful and get to know the other helpers around them very quickly - much quicker than a western nanny would. I am sure your helper will be arranging play dates for your child in no time with other children in the building.
 
just a question...
why can't your helper take the baby on the bus???

we live WAY out in sai kung country park and my helper manages to take BOTH of my kids (3.5 yrs, very well behaved son and 1.5 years, rambuncious daughter). it takes minimum 20 minutes by public transport, but it would cost almost $80 just to go to the supermarket by taxi, so that isn't an option.

you DO need to train your helper and make her understand that safety is your first priority when it comes to your child. tell her straight that if you find she hasn't attached the seat properly etc, you will fire her immediately for gross negligence.

you need to let her know how YOU want things done.

EVERY mother worries about their child and feels the guilt when they work. that is PERFECTLY NORMAL! we are programmed with a maternal instinct and it is this instinct to protect your young that is kicking in.

you do need to relax. just because she is from the philippines doesn't mean she won't take excellent care of your child. what it DOES mean is that there are very different cultures at work in your home and you need to let her know, in no uncertain terms, how you want your child raised. you cannot assume "common sense" as this differs from person to person, culture to culture. you need to spell it out for her.

the best thing to do would be to take some time off to train her. also, take her out with you when you go out, so she sees how you do things and explain, explain, explain.

PS> although hiring a driver would in and of itself be cheaper than having a western nanny, remember, you also need to buy a vehicle, rent a parking space, pay for upkeep (petrol is outrageously expensive) etc. it might not work out to be much cheaper in the long run.
 
hi as said there are a lot of Filipinas with great education who are doctors and reg.nurses or reg.teachers and u can hire them cheaper than a european nanny, directly from philippines mainly in manila so they are more educated and you may choose from young ages that have graduated in good colleges in manila and have worked abroad but coudnt find jobs in Manila. pls email me and i will be very happy to send resumes for you in different variations. my email is [email protected]. i have refered a reg.nurse to one family and she used to work in UAE and had gone back to Manila and coudnt find a decent job and single/26/ and she has been working for 2yrs now for 25,000hkd per month only and the family is very happy. hope to hear from you soon. take care.
 
there is one advertised on geoexpat asking $8000/month. she's got a degree in education...

search governess...

she sounds very good.
 
Update

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all of your positive words in response to my post. I am happy to report that things are working out really well with my helper. My son loves her and she is so kind, patient and gentle with me. I think she is actually more patient than mummy!
She finds lots of things to do with him and has taught him lots. She has met other helpers with babies my sons ages and they have playdates which is great activity for my son.
Anyway, I thought I should share this good outcome as it might help calm other mums who are about to return to work. As I think one of the posters said - it's all about quality of care. If you find the right helper then you don't feel stressed walking out the door in the morinng (although obviously I still miss my baby).
 
Hi mummymoo,

A couple of the nannies I have employed in the past range between HK$35k - HK$50k per month.
 
I was super paranoid and anxious when I first returned to work. Now my baby is almost 5 months and I am less worried now. I just have to keep telling myself to be nice to my DH and to trust her, then she will be OK to my daughter.

However sometimes I wonder what they (the DH and my daughter) do during the day. Does she try to put her to sleep all the time so she can get on with her things such as house hold chores? Well not to mention talking on the phone.... I have to say that my DH has been with us for only 5 months and she is 'fresh' from the Philippines. She is quite young (mid twenties) so it needs a lot of training. In general she is fine for now, at least she listens to our instructions, but two things I am not sure, 1. if she likes babies / kids 'coz she does not have a lot of patience; 2. she flahses sour face sometimes....
 
Just a suggestion but have you thought of looking for another helper? In my view patience is very, very high on the list of qualities you need in a helper if they have sole care of a baby while you work. This is particularly the case as your baby gets older and enters the toddler years. An energetic, opinionated toddler can test the patience of the most loving parent let alone a helper.....

Regarding what your helper gets up to during the day...why not get your helper to keep a diary showing what times your baby slept, what activities he/she did, what he/she ate and drank, how many dirty nappies etc etc. I asked my helper to keep a diary like this and it was really helpful.
 
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