Help - they hate each other!

I was going to suggest the same book as milk mommy, siblings without rivalry. I've just read it as my 2 boys fight each other a lot, they are 2 years apart, and after reading the book I can see where I think a lot of the fighting is actually about jealousy. The book talks about how to let your kids express there anger positvley and shows how to say things without promoting jeolously. I didn't really think I did, but after reading the examples in the book, I can see how I may have been making it worse without intending to.

I think part of it is also developmental. My older one is more into role playing and setting up his toys in more elaborate ways, where as the 2 year old of course doesn't understand this and bulldozes his way through things, and can't cooperatively play very well yet.
 
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milk - Is the book by Adele Faber? I know i am not helping the situation, i just can't figure out how to fix it and I am going to hunt down this book today!

c - I love the way your two play so well together! mine need to spend more time watching yours.

Project fiji (moving back) is progressing slowly, flight booked, wait list for school is looking positive (did I tell you she is number 35 on the list? I think this is a good sign!!), DH is working on his CPEng which will help him get a job again! Now we wait for the mail, and a letter of acceptance from school!

My biggest concern is that 'they' are saying that the worst is yet to come in HK with regard to the recession - this makes me nervous in being able to get a job -- sorry, digressed from the topic!
 
I love the Silbings Without Rivalry book. It offers a lot of practical advice. Even though the book is written with older (than 2yo!) children in mind, it gives you alternative ways of dealing with situations and it also makes you see how reacting in certain ways can be counter-productive.

With our two, I do the same as what Milk Monster does --i.e., tell each other how much the other loves them. When one does something thoughtful for the other (hug, share a toy, etc.), I tell them how lucky they are to have a brother/sister like that. Or when one of them does something good or funny, we "include" the other one in our comments about what the other did --e.g. "That was really funny! Your bro/sis sure is funny, isn't s/he?" This way, they both get the attention, not just the star and the other one can "share" our --the adults' --pride (for want of a better word) in commending the other one.

Good luck. :)
 
Yes, by adele faber - its really good!

you're moving to fiji???? My husband and I dream about life in fiji haha you will have to tell us how it really is!! (sorry i too have digressed but couldn't help it after i saw 'fiji')

another topic, how do you deal when other people compare your kids??? like my older son has a smaller head than my younger son and people are always commenting that he has a small head and i am so worried it will hurt his confidence....
 
i always compare my two. they are naturally different. it doesn't make one of them better or worse than the other. just different.

you could say, "yes, he has a small head, but you should see the size of his penis!"

that would probably shut them up! LOL!
 
i'[m l;ying in bed with my laptop on my chest....argh....tried to get outta bed about 10 mnutes ago.... made it to the bathroom and back again.
 
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