Help needed...

[kacoak]

But it is frustrating to be second-guessed as a mother.

Very true! I had the same feeling with my first child. And it was hard when it's your own mother/mil questioning every parenting decision you made.

I have an Indonesian helper, and she's behaving quite similar to your helper, Gracey, with my second baby. Overprotective of the baby, swaddling her very tightly, always trying to put her to nap even when I told her not to overdo it, etc. Talking only got me so far, so (since I'm a SAHM) I would simply hold the baby when the helper's trying to put her to sleep (and the baby's not sleepy), and tell her to go about doing whatever she needs to do (cooking, cleaning etc). We are getting ready to sleep train the baby in a month's time, which will involve a lot of crying and not picking up. I'll be expecting a lot of resistance, from both helper and baby!

To the OP, sometimes being firm is the only way to do it, be it with helpers or family. A good helper must understand that she is an employee, and while she may have her own ways of raising children, she must respect and put your ways before hers. Unless it's clearly putting the child in harm's way, she should understand that there are just different ways of parenting. If you don't get this sense from her, perhaps she is not the best caregiver for your child.

 

[rooj]

Hi everyone

We've decide to terminate our helper's contract. It seems harsh but I'm at work wondering what she's getting up to. I think she's taking her job too seriously and assuming the role of the parent which is really getting to me. I've been firm with her and I've decided not to even give her a warning letter. I'm in the process of finding another helper, one who we interviewed a while back and really liked but at the time was still in a contract and therefore unable to start immediately. I think she will be a good addition to our family. I hope!

I cannot believe how rude some people can be though (family or not!). I had a lot of resistance form my family as I would wake up my son throughout the day so that he would sleep soundly at night or because I dropped his last feed of the day as he didn't need it anymore... the list goes on and on. It is the most infuriating thing when people honestly thing that you are harming your child or doing things wrong! At the end of the day, everyone can suggest/advise/promote whatever they like, but you are the parent, and only you know what is right. Grrr!

 

[satay sue]

At the end of the day, you go with your instincts. If you are stressing about what is happening at home when you are not there then she is not right for you. Good luck, hope you find someone helpful soon!

 

[thanka2]

Thanka2, you have to love that husband of yours, not many HK hubbies would do what he has done for you, irrespective of how much their wives were being disrespected and I am speaking from experience!

I know! He has always gone to bat for me and that was possibly one of the hardest things he had ever faced concerning his parents in his life. He always tells me his priorities are 1) God 2) me 3) his children 4) his parents and extended family 5) friends . I'll tell him that you made a positive comment--that will encourage him. Thanks.