That is riduculous that your doctor thinks all first time moms need an episiotomy, completley untrue. I had one due to baby in distress, and I also had a 3rd degree tear as baby bacially flew out of me, really short pushing stage. (tear are graded 1 through4, with 4 being the worst. 1st and 2nd degree tear are the most common types, and heal pretty quickly). I'd say the tear was a bit worse than the episiotomy, but again, it was a 3rd degree tear. Both with the tear and the episiotomy my stitches popped and I ended up with infecitons, so it took longer to heal, about 3 weeks. With the episiotomy sex was very very painful for months, until the scar tissue finally stretched. I think I took advil for pain? The easiest ice pack to use, it to put some water on a maxi pad ( don't soak though) and freeze it. It works well, and not so hard like a regular ice pack, and you need a pad anyway. I also used a herbal solution to cleanse the perineum afterwards that my doula gave me, can't remember the name of it though. ALso if you do perineal massage at the end of your pregnancy you can help tp prevent tears.