Dad's involvement in birth at Queen Mary?

[ssccamper]

Hi,

I'm due to give birth (for the first time!) in QM at the beginning of next year and was wondering whether any of you might share your experiences of the level of your husband's involvement allowed at the birth?

My husband and I will be going public and I've heard great comments about the QM's system although no one has commented on whether their husband can stick around for the birth or not. I've heard that some husbands have been asked to leave and that they're definitely not allowed in for emergency-c sections.

Is this true or has anyone found a way to get round the rules?

Thanks in advance!

 

[alibali]

Hi - I gave birth at QM 9 months ago. Husbands are not allowed in for emergency c-sections, but I think they can get into scheduled c-sections (v. rare in public hospital though). If you have natural birth, the father will be allowed into the delivery room. However, if you end up at the hospital before you've dilated "enough" (I think around 3 cm), you will be put into the pre-delivery ward and husbands are not allowed in there except during visiting hours (12pm and 6pm if I remember correctly). I was induced as baby was 1 week late. I was admitted at 2pm (husband had to stay outside the ward), given the medication, put on fetal heartbeat monitor, etc. Before I knew it, it was 6pm and finally was able to see my husband and update him on what was happening. The staff kicked him out again at 7pm. By that time, I was having contractions and didn't want to be alone in the ward. So, husband and I walked around the parking lot of the hospital from 7pm to 1am. When the contractions got to be too much, I went back into the ward (husband had to wait outside door, of course). A nurse checked me and decided I was finally dilated enough to be admitted to the delivery room. This was when things got really chaotic. The nurses tried to take me to the delivery room without letting my husband know. I managed to catch him on the way out and let him know what was happening. He showed up about 30 minutes later in the delivery room wearing scrubs. He had to sleep in a really uncomfortable chair all night and use a pack of maternity pads as a pillow! He was the greatest support through the delivery and constantly asked questions on my behalf and chased down nurses,etc. when I was feeling a lot of pain. The staff at QM will just start doing things to you without telling you what/ why and that is where your husband will be invaluable! Husband stayed with me throughout delivery and about half hour afterwards. Then, I was whisked off again with baby to the post-delivery ward (this happened while husband was changing into street clothes). I practically had to yell "stop" to the orderlies pushing my stretcher, so that I had time to tell him where I was being taken (there are a couple of post-delivery wards at QM so you could easily get lost!) Once again, visiting hours apply in the post-delivery ward. Baby and I were put into the ward around 2pm and didn't get to see husband until 6pm- I was really upset about this. I couldn't go out to the lobby to see him either as I was hooked to IV's ,etc. So, husband is allowed to get involved in natural delivery, but can't help much once you are out of the delivery room (except bring food, drinks, etc!) I hope this answers some of your questions! Good luck!

 

[ladypilot]

What??!! You had to walk around in the PARKING LOT?? b/c at QMH they don't let your husband support you during the labor part? This is crazy! Why are they so impersonal here? I will be giving birth at the QMH soon also and the rules they have about spouses being allowed or rather, not allowed, to be with the birthing mother during the entire process is absurd!

(sigh...) I guess I will have to accept and get over it soon and even prepare to do this alone practically which really stinks and upsets me!:bawling:

Does anyone else who has recently given birth at QM have any other advice? Thanks.

 

[beate]

Hello,
I gave birth in the QM too - it was a semi-planned c-section and my husband was allowed to come with me for most of the operation. He had to study a booklet first informing him about the procedures and what was going to happen and when he could enter the o.p. and when he had to leave. All doctors and nurses were very friendly.
Cheers and best wishes.

 

[my_ldbug]

Hi!

I gave birth to my son at QMH in 2006. I was admitted at 8pm. Once all the admin stuff was completed, my husband was asked to either wait in the waiting room outside the pre-labour ward or to leave and come back when called. He chose the former as we had both not had dinner yet. We had friends bring up some food for us and we just sort of hung out until I was tired and wanted to try and get some sleep before the contractions got stronger.

As we lived close by to QMH, I told my husband to go home and get some sleep and to keep his mobile phone nearby. The nurse let me keep my cell phone near my bed and was told to use it with discretion. They regularly came around to check on how much I was dilated. By the time it got to the necessary width (I think it was 3), the nurse told me to call my husband and tell him to come up straight to the delivery room. The nurses and orderlies that attended me were quite nice and explained what they were doing (when they were sticking all these monitor things on my belly, arms) and when my husband arrived (and had changed to hospital scrubs), they actually left us alone (which I was thankful for - gave the two of us some of the last few minutes of couple time). Then my husband was there throughout the whole birthing process and even helped to cut the umbilical cord! After they weighed my son and had us both finger / foot printed, he had to leave the delivery room while they helped me to clean up. HE waited outside in teh general waiting area just outside the deliveryward. The nurse gave me a phone to call my husband to tell him where they would be taking me after that but I did get a chance to catch up with him while I was being rolled out.

He couldn't visit until the next visitation hour (noon time) but we were both OK with it - he had to recover from the pressure grips I subjected him to during delivery and I just slept like a baby.

However, to note. We had to attend "birthing" classes that were given by QMH or Tsan Yuk before he could go in the delivery room. Not sure if this is still the case.

Hope this helps!

 

[alibali]

yes- there is a waiting room outside the pre-delivery ward. However, it is very small and when I was there, it was already full of people, so nowhere for husband and I to sit (plus people were watching a loud tv showing a chinese show- not very relaxing!). There are also chairs at the main entrance to the K block which you could use. We walked the parking lot because I couldn't sit still while I was experiencing the contractions and I was really hot, so the cool night air felt good. Finally, I wanted "privacy" while enduring the pain- I was making crazy faces and sounds! I don't know why the staff were so rushed with us that night. No one offered to let me call my husband or tell me what the next step was. I was shuttled from bed to bed, ward to ward! I just kept asking lots of questions along the way and kept track of my husband. If I have a second child, I will still go back to QM. However, unless I am induced again, I'll be staying at home as long as possible and try to get myself discharged ASAP! As for Tsan Yuk, I took the classes too. However, my friend did not and her partner was still allowed in the delivery room at QM. So maybe it's not mandatory??

 

[ctrbabe1]

I gave birth at QM in April. It's true that husbands are not allowed in the labor ward, but there is a waiting room outside. Because I knew that, I tried to labor at home as long as I could. By the time we checked in, I was already dialted enough (about a 4) that they immediately moved me into the delivery room where hubby could be with me. I have a feeling that the reason they don't let husbands in the labor ward is because there are so many other ladies there that they don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with other men in the room. Although, personally, I don't think people would care because they are so focused on themselves, plus there are curtains for a bit of privacy.

Anyway, hubby is allowed to stay all through the delivery (unless, of course in the event of emergency c-section). He stayed with me for about an hour afterward until I was moved into the recovery ward. Then they made him leave again and he had to abide by the visiting hours, (which I agree, is really ridiculous). Of course you can go outside into the waiting room any time you like, but you can not take baby outside the ward.

As for during the actual delivery, they don't let the husband do a whole lot. We had wanted him to cut the umbillical cord, but they wouldn't let him.

 

[ssccamper]

Wow ladies, thanks for all your replies. Alibali it sounds like you had a rough deal compared to my_ldbug. It's been a real eye-opener reading your experiences and I can use them now to prepare myself for the fact that my husband may not be present when I really need him emotionally. Although I don't like it, I'll have to accept it as this is Hong Kong and the rule book...ah the rule book! Don't you just love it!?

 

[ladypilot]

Hi Ssccamper,
I've benefited from your post and agree with you. Now at least I have an idea of what to expect and will also try to make the most of it. I'll be right there with you!
Thanks!:bighug

 

[ssccamper]

Hi Ladypilot,

Thanks for that! Made me smile. Just been reading another post on a different thread where someone talked about paying for a doula form Annerley midwives which seemed very interesting. Basically I think you'd want her to come to your house as labour starts and she'd be able to tell you when you NEED to go to QM to go STRAIGHT into the delivery room with your husband. This way you'd maximise your time at home with hubby before the birth and not have any of that waiting nonsense going on at the hospital. As this is my first pregnancy and I'll probably have no idea when to go to hospital, I really like this idea!!! Maybe the best of both worlds??

Cheers and good luck!!