Breasatfeeding: sensitive subject

[JL168]

I gave birth 7 weeks ago, and i have always planned on breastfeeding for as long as possible.
Now, i don't know why but i always get a bit upset (maybe even insulted) when someone doubts it whether i produce enough milk or not. I don't know why, but y do people presume i don't have enough milk for the little one? Every time she starts crying, they immediately suggest to prepare formula even though i can feel i have milk to spare! Why don't (a lot of) people understand that i WANT to breastfeed? Is it because hong kong people more often give formula instead of nursing? People doubting me gives me a feeling of being an incapable mother!
Just wanted to share my thoughts...

 

[AmyH]

I think it will depend who these "people" are. Is it family members or friends who are insisting that you prepare formula? If so, I would just explain to them that you are breastfeeding so no need to for any formula.
I am not sure I understand your point about people not understanding that you want to breastfeed... again, is this family and friends, or strangers on the street? It is a very general statement to make about hong kong people not understanding "because they more often give formula" but you should never let anybody else's opinion make you doubt your ability as a mother, whether you chose to breast or bottle feed.

 

[lesliefu]

I hear you...i know it's hard but do try to just ignore these types of comments. I seriously believe that I didn't breastfeed my last kid for linger because everyone was telling me I didn't produce enough milk...and I ended up believing them. The more your feed, the more milk will be produced...don't worry about what they say...whomever they are....it's probably out of genuine concern, but at this point juts believe in yourself and what youre doing for the baby is best, whether it's breast or if you choose not to.

 

[carang]

everyone wants what they think is best for the baby. if you want to breastfeed and baby is growing and producing enough nappies, then great! well done! forget what everyone else is saying.

ignore the ignorant!

you continue doing what you want and tell them that they can support you in your decision or get out. (that's what i'd do, anyway)... and if it's hubby, maybe he just doesn't know how the female body works. sit him down and explain it to him. explain to him, while you are at it, that he job now is to support you (just as your is to support him) in the raising of your child. that you two make the decisions, not his family, not his mother, not anyone else. you two, full stop. explain the benefits of breastfeeding and that you are trying to give your child the best possible start in life. he needs to get on board with this, until you both decide otherwise. perhaps he is only trying to help. he, obviously, cannot help breastfeed, but he can help prepare a bottle, so perhaps that is what he is trying to do? if this is the case, maybe pump extra milk and bottle feed one feed/day, so that daddy can help, too!

also know this: if you decide that breastfeeding is not working out for you, either as a mother or as a family, you are NOT a bad mother if you decide to formula feed.

whatever works for the family, is my motto.

 

[lrpolo]

My mum always used to ask me that, and I always used to ignore her (she'd ask me right after I'd finish nursing the baby, so I didn't understand why she'd ask). Until the baby was about 10 months old she finally asked me how come I never answered her question! I had a massive go at her then, and then she never asked me again!

 

[meimeid]

Are these 'people' Chinese? Cause I also believe that Chinese people are a bit too hung up over food; the kind, the quantity, anything. E.g. when you have a wound don't eat beef or chicken. When you are pregnant don't have cold drinks or food. One of the first questions they ask when they meet someone is: have you eaten already?
And when a baby cries the first question they ask is whether he's hungry. Just ignore, you know best as mum.

 

[Gataloca]

My mom was like that. She used to say that I don't have enough milk, or that my milk was not good enough for the baby.

I think it is probably because we are mostly formula fed when babies. For example, from what I heard, my mom only tried to breastfeed my oldest brother for few months, then she formula fed him. After that, she just formula fed my other brother, sister, and myself. So probably, on her mind, formula is the best. Also, our parents now always get boomed with all those commercials about formula on the TV and everywhere... you really hardly see any advertisement about the benefits of breastmilk anywhere than on MCHCs.

So try to explain to your friends/parents/relatives... and if they don't get it, just ignore the ignorant!, as Cara said!

 

[JL168]

Thx for the support! Yes, they're all Chinese ppl who doubt me. I do understand that's their way of thinking, but since im grown up in Europe, I have a total other mentality and view of things. I will keep on doing what I think is best for my girl! And I will do my best not to let them convince me otherwise.

 

[thanka2]

It's not YOU, it's THEM

I gave birth 7 weeks ago, and i have always planned on breastfeeding for as long as possible.
Now, i don't know why but i always get a bit upset (maybe even insulted) when someone doubts it whether i produce enough milk or not. I don't know why, but y do people presume i don't have enough milk for the little one? Every time she starts crying, they immediately suggest to prepare formula even though i can feel i have milk to spare! Why don't (a lot of) people understand that i WANT to breastfeed? Is it because hong kong people more often give formula instead of nursing? People doubting me gives me a feeling of being an incapable mother!
Just wanted to share my thoughts...

Just remember, it's NOT YOU, it's THEM. It's their problem because people in Hong Kong are sadly undereducated or even uneducated about what breastfeeding is all about. Even doctors in this city aren't really up-to-date and believe all kinds of myths about breastfeeding.

Last night I went to get a massage at a place I've been going to for the past 3-4 years. I told the therapist that I'm still breastfeeding my daughter who is nearly one year old. The therapist was shocked and told me, "Really?! I didn't think it was actually possible to keep breastfeeding longer than 4-5 months!"

My father-in-law who is Chinese told me once, "When your baby gets her first teeth you will have to stop breastfeeding because babies can't breastfeed anymore after they have their first teeth."

Marketing of formula is really strong here in Hong Kong--much stronger than any other place I've seen. In the United States, formula advertisements are not allowed to be aired on television! So, people just believe that formula is superior when actually the opposite is true. Most people really don't understand breastfeeding at all here.

So, the best thing you can do is educate them (which means being educated yourself). Get some resources (this website is a good place to start and I'm sure there are many others like this website). Print it out and educate the people in your life about what research shows about breastmilk and how breastfeeding works. This graphic is also very helpful:

If they still choose to believe that formula is the way to go, let them and just politely ignore them because they simply don't understand/know. :tmi: If the people are just strangers, I would just ignore them.

When my father-in-law told me that my daughter wouldn't be able to breastfeed after getting her first teeth I smiled politely at him and said, "Sure she still can" and left it at that and then just proved to him with my actions that he is wrong.

 

[Gataloca]

When I told my sister in law (who happens to be a confinement lady) that I was still breastfeeding my toddler, she looked at me like if I was stupid or something, and then politely told me "you know you can introduce formula now". My hubby then just told her that our baby has allergy to cow milk so we didn't have to explaining anything further to her.