Bored beyond imagination...

[jada511]

Just looking for some advice...I've been in Hong Kong with my hubby 2 years now and have not found a job. I guess I have been very picky, I only want part time and I really don't want to teach English as I don't think I would be a good teacher at all. I am so extremely bored in HK still and have not met a lot of people after 2 years and now I'm getting really really desperate. Now being 24 weeks pregnant, I'm wondering if I should just hold off now or keep pursuing (I don't want to work when baby come for at least 8 months). Has anyone been in this situation and if so, what did you do...? ANY advice would be so helpful, thanks

 

[elle]

If you don't need the job for financial reasons and are more looking for a social outlet/ way to meet people and relieve boredom why don't you try to find a part time volunteer position instead? There are literally hundreds of organizations in many fields in HK that can use part-time help. You can also join something like the American Women's Association (no need to be American) to meet ladies of many nationalities. They have pregnancy groups along with many other social functions.

 

[thanka2]

If you've got time on your hands because you're not employed, why not join a due-date club here on Geobaby if you haven't already? I've heard several women say that they made some strong lasting friendships through their due date club.

Having said that, depending on your personality, it can be difficult to connect with people in Hong Kong. I've been here off and on for over eight years and have been her continuously for the past four. I work full-time and in the past have worked part-time in two different fields. I am married to a local man and connected to his family here. I have a 3-year-old son and am pregnant with my second child. And still, I find that I don't have any really close friendships with anyone in this city. There are a lot of interferences including the really busy schedules of most people in the city as well as economic barriers (it's often hard to associate with people who are living in an entirely different financial bracket than you are) as well as just cultural barriers. Having said that, I have a ton of acquaintances here and even some I would consider friends but no one extremely close. It's much harder to get close with people here than where I'm from. So, don't feel alone if you're having the same problems. It can be really difficult.

 

[carang]

i've been here for almost 16 years and although i've met so many people, and made some very close friendships...they are VERY difficult to maintain. hk is such a transient city (for expats) that just when i think i've made a great friend, they up and leave! (i mean, how dare they?!?!?! LOL). it has happened at least 4-5 times over my time here and it really gets exhausting finding the time to be able to meet new people and pursue the friendship. that mixed with thanka's observation about mixing with different financial brackets...extremely difficult when you are on the lower scale, moreso than when you are in the top bracket. i still have friends from all tax brackets; from people who work for their church (friends from church have given them a good deal on rent) to someone who is a house-husband (wife's work provides $70K+/month for housing....)

it can be frustrating, exhausting etc...but if you have time on your hands, then i'd say make the most of it! forget working...being pregnant already plus your VERY extended mat-leave requirements would make it virtually impossible...use your time to get out and about... join clubs, take classes, take up pregnancy yoga, children's first aid (preparing for your new arrival)...whatever your heart desires... you just may meet some very interesting people along the way.

 

[lesliefu]

i met one of my good friends at a class i took my toddler too - so anything is possible. you can still do things at 24wks...just not gym class and stuff, but perhaps music class with your toddler? as a local, i can see why it might be hard to find friends (not just acquiantances) as everyone is so wrapped up in planning activities for their kids and such, but there IS a group out there.

 

[carang]

leslie, you misunderstood... she's 24 weeks pregnant... she doesn't have a 24 week old baby...

 

[moomoo]

hiya..
I had been in the same exact situation. In fact, 2 times round..
I know exactly how you feel. If you had been a career minded person just as I was...not holding down a job...sticking a hand out for $ from hubby..waiting around for 'unrealised' plans...can be very unsettling and ego-defeating. Its like..there's always something stirring in your head..telling you that you need to get things moving. but i guess, things don't get moving just because you want them to, just like the case of trying to conceive or finding that right job. I couldn't quite find the right job too and it did take us a while to conceive. Life was really just dreadfully ding-donging away then and i was going through bouts of doubting my selfworth.
Things started to look up after I got pregnant and whilst i was still very tempted to and wanted so badly to hold a job, i gave that up since we had no family support here nor a helper...I had to be a full-time mother. Preparing for the baby's arrival can keep you very busy and in the process, acquaint you with fellow mothers-to-be. NOt to mention that once the baby arrives..you will be even more deprived of time and rest...so, no..you won't hv time to think about the job then.
having said that, my baby is now 1...and these last weeks....thoughts are stirring in my head again. i know i can't go out to work until he starts school...but i'm really just itching to get out there and earn my own keep again. but then, there's the issue of having a second one...and here we go again...
i hope i hvn't made you more confused about things. I would agree that you should now just focus all your attention on getting all ready for baby and also, joining some mum-to-be groups, antenatal yoga classes etc and getting to know some friends. Good luck!

 

[Shenzhennifer]

I was in your situation somewhat before. I was living in Shenzhen, pregnant, with absolutely nothing to do, and few even casual friends who already had kids and were busy in their lives. It kinda sucked. I yearned to be in HK so I could meet others in similar stages of pregnancy, but mostly so i could take courses, like pre-natal class, yoga, first aid, go to LLL meeting, etc.
I wouldn't bother with the job idea for now. At 24 weeks, you're not exactly a desirable candidate anyways, hehe(I was also in that position before). You've got roughly four months to prepare for your baby and there is lots you can do before you are too pregnant to want to do anything. And once the baby is born, you'll pretty much be busy ever after. I'm now nearly giving birth to my second after nearly 2 years here, and have no idea how I'm going to sustain the few close friendships ive got here, much less eat

 

[mummymoo]

I agree with thanka2 and carang's comments. The transience of expats here, the fact that people in different financial brackets don't tend to mingle (from my own observations, this seems to be due to the fact that people tend to be more 'calculative' here, and may want something from you....networking is a huge thing here....my experience anyway....and also people here don't like to lose face so are unlikely to hang out with those with much more money than they have....comparing is a huge thing here) and the fact that people are always in a rush and busy to do....what.....I'm not sure (because back home everyone seemed to manage to do all the tasks of daily living) make forming deeply rooted attachments very difficult. I'm a little bit more fortunate as we have a few friends from uni from home who relocated here before we did. Having said that I have made a few great friends through geobaby whom I see regularly with our children, and I think we will be friends for a long time, even if they leave. Good luck!

 

[jada511]

Thanks ladies,
Your words of advice and things you have been thru really help. I don't need to work but I married and quit my dream job and moved here all within one month and I guess I'm still reeling over the fact that I worked to hard to get that job and now i'm doing nothing. I do believe my bigger obstacle here is making friendships as having no family here and few friends makes it hard to really want to stay, especially thinking of the small support system when baby comes. I love making friends but just don't do so very easily, I'm very friendly but have a hard time making initial small talk with people I don't know and am a bit shy. I'm in pre-natal yoga but I like the idea of the volunteering or joining social groups. Thanks again ladies, your words of advice help a lot