baby doesn't want helper! I am worried.

[slamdunk]

there is no need to jump to any conclusions on behaviour when you're not around, babies pick and choose who they bond with. my two (aged 3 and 1) have always blown hot and cold with daddy and with our second helper (who is energetic, caring and attentive to them, but doesn't do any night duties).

like peainpod, you have to decide what you want and whether this lady meets those expectations. hard to say from just a few posts but I'm guessing she doesn't. there are lot of great helpers there and you sholdn't feel tied to who you have just because you might get someone worse (not that anyone can guarantee that won't happen unfortunately). it seems you treat her well and respect her with her time, space and workload so are totally delivering your side of the deal...

 

[baby09]

install a webcam in the living room and baby room.
I need to work but i also do the night shift as i want the helper to be well rested in the day time. You can call this no. to buy webcam. they will come and install it in the best position - 25551830. cost around 1,600 for one - no computer required.

 

[baby09]

peainpod, i would have changed helpers in a flash if my child was involved in 2 accidents under her care - having someone who genuinely cares and loves your child is very important for a child's upbringing - just make sure you can speak to the new helper's employer first to make sure she has kids - younger helper will generally have more energy and enthusiasm. my 4mth old loves the maid to bits and i get abit jealous but at least it means she loves my baby which is more important.

 

[stsc]

It's not worth worrying about. You need to get another helper. Your baby is consistently fine going to others but not her, so trust him. It may be due to a myriad of things, innocent or not, but the only thing that matters is that the baby is safe and that you're satisfied with that. If something happens, you won't be able to forgive yourself. Paranoid? Maybe. But why take the risk?

And when you get the new helper, you should make sure the workload is appropriate. Dealing with a baby is not rocket-science, but it is tiring. You can't expect a non-relative to treat a baby well if they're exhausted. I know I can be a danger to my kids when I'm exhausted. So if you want her to do part of the night, let her sleep in. Also, I know that lots of helpers don't feel like they're off-duty during the day and they can't really relax enough to get rested. So I've told mine that they are definitely off duty at certain hours and if for some reason they're needed, I would give them notice the day before. And I explain to them that I do this so they can get rested and be ready for when I need them. Of course, all this has to be laid out before you hire them and again on the start date.

Good luck!

 

[vhylee]

Same here... trust your baby's instincts. I was once at an agent waiting to pickup my new helper and another couple had exactly the same problem. The baby cried immediately the helper held him in her arms and stopped as soon as the mother or a stranger picked him up. Something very fishy!!! They later found out the helper sometimes would fall asleep on the sofa, not sure where the baby was at that time though. Also I have seen videos of Filipino maids dropping the baby very hard on the sofa is the baby keeps crying, afterwhich you cannot see any physical signs.

I believe for the safety of your baby, get a replacement maid.

 

[zac08]

i also have never asked my helper to take care of either of my two kids during the night, even when my husband is away for work. because i do go out sometimes during the day and need her to take care of one of them for me (i usually take one of them out and leave one behind), i know that she needs her energy in order to take care of my children during the day AND complete what she needs to do around the house. helpers are people too and waking up at 4am every day is exhausting. assuming she falls asleep no later than 10pm and assuming she sleeps soundly til 4am, that is really only 6 hours of sleep a day. i know i can go on 6 hours but after a few days of no more than 6 hours of sleep a day, i get pretty tired and irritable. and we mommies are sorta fueled by the some sort of adrenalin, aren't we, which keeps us going and gives us the energy to deal with our children in spite of sleep deprivation. your helper is NOT your child's mom and you shouldn't expect her to feel this same natural maternal energy.

bottom line - don't expect any person to be a great caretaker for your kids if they don't get enough sleep. since you're a SAHM i would echo what has been said already - take care of your own child at night. but because your current helper is already not in your baby's good books, you probably should let her go and find a new lady who can have a fresh start with your little one.

 

[Gataloca]

Agree with zac08. Even when it sounds the same to you (waking up for 2 hours during night time, and taking 2 hours of date time to rest), it is not the same.

I, for example, hate it at work when they sometime ask us to stay late, even when that also means coming late, cause that is not our supposed working hour. They may say, come 2 hours late, but because of my internal clock, I would be up at my regular time. And coming home 2 hours late from work, really can make lot of difference in long term.