Am I too demanding??

[TheQuasimother]

Honestly, I would not keep her. She seems to be getting away with things, I would not allow my helper to get away with.

To answer your questions:
(1) "If she's so smart, she would not be a domestic helper." - A Filipino mum from my son's school. We find that with helpers you have to spell everything out to them. EVERYTHING - especially if you're like me - a Type A control freak. I want it done my way and no one elses'. So we have lists with very specific instructions.
(2) For us, communication is a No. 1 priority. If she's Filipino and is neither here nor there with English, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who speaks better English. Try looking for a helper with experience in Singapore with a local Sg family. At least 4 years experience! Their English even if they're from a small village out bush in the Phillipines would be better than someone who's only an experienced DH there.
(3) She will do whatever she wants in the house while you are away! That is a grim reality of a household with two working parents! No matter how honest and good, there'll be moments which makes you wonder or go "Hmmm?"

Good Luck!:smile:

 

[TwinsMom]

Thanks everyone. Yes, will try my luck and see if i can find a better one, however the only thing that i am struggling was taking a risk of finding a 'smarter' helper but she might not treat my babies as good as the existing one...

As u know most of the helpers are picky too, once they know I have twins, 8 out of 10 don't want to come.

I am just wondering, some families manage to have only one helper to take care of twins, given both parents also need to work too, how can they manage? I heard a few are like this (i believe not all the twins family will have two helpers though) but really don't know how it works....

 

[carang]

the difference between ssheng thinking his boss is overworking him and making him/her exhausted and your helper feeling the same way is this:

your helper takes care of your children and your home. the two most important things in your life.

if you really want a good, well-rested helper, then you have to either:
1) get rid of this one and find one with more energy
or
2) lower your expectations

personally, it sounds to me like you need a new helper.

PS> YOU asked for advice on a forum. YOU called this thread, "am i too demanding?" YOU should expect some people to say, yes, you are too demanding.... you should not expect to be validated by everyone that comes on here. your expectations for one person seem to be too high. this is not about how you treat your helpers when it's their birthdays, but about how much work they are expected to perform during any given day and how much rest they get.

 

[jane01]

You asked, so I'll answer. Yes, you're far too demanding. You can't expect an employee to get up multiple times during the night to your children and still function during the day. Only mummies and occasionally daddies have to do that. I'm a working mum too, I understand how hard this is. Options:
1. You have two helpers, one can be night shift, the other day shift. The night shift helper needs 8 hours sleep + downtime/rest during the day.
2. Get up to your children yourself.
Even if you hire a new helper, you need to adjust your expectations. You might be amazed to find how much energy your existing helper has, once you let her have a few decent nights sleep.

I wouldn't count the grandparents as additional help. You might find that the helpers end up looking after 2 babies + 2 grandparents each day whilst you're at work and/or that both helpers and grandparents end up doing the same work. Just with the grandparents helicoptoring over the helpers.

Sleeping with a baby on your chest is a real no no for me. It is not safe. Adults can roll over and block the child's air supply. Here are some guidelines:
Safe Sleeping | Sids and Kids

To answer your other question, should one helper be able to look after twins? Absolutely yes. But they are just an employee. They need time off and a good night's sleep.

 

[zac08]

totally agree with Jane01 and other posters regarding how important night sleep is for anyone taking care of kids. i am not working (yet) so i can't comment (i take care of my children completely during the nights), but here is a suggestion - a few friends of mine here do this: simply, alternate nights. say, sundays you take night duty, tuesdays one of your helpers, wednesdays your other helper (if you have another), thursdays your husband if he is willing, and so on and so forth. that way, everyone gets a break and everyone chips in during the nights. you may feel entitled to a full night's rest every night because you are working but honestly i can tell you as a SAHM taking care of young kids during the day (not to mention housework, etc) is a lot of WORK and possibly the most important work one can do!

yes you are demanding too much if you expect your helper(s) to take over day and night duties every day. yes you should change helpers probably but it won't be easy finding one who is able to both manage the household during the day AND tend to the kids at nights and if you do she may not last long once she realizes how tiring a job it is.

 

[Gataloca]

Your twins are not babies anymore... They are toddlers. Why don't you try to train them to sooth themselves instead of relying on the helper at night? I think you may try this first. It may be part of the solution to your problems.

 

[TwinsMom]

Carang - I am welcome for all the comments (funny that you are kind of offensive, take it easy please, it is just a thread for a friendly discussion...), just want to consolidate comments and give myself an adjustment.

Thank you & understood. In conclusion - I am too demanding, will try to find a solution for my helper. Sometime I will also wake up and see what happened when i hear the baby cry in the middle of the night, but baby likes to stick with my helper coz she get used to have her while she crys, even I tried to carry her back to sleep, she will cry even louder until I pass her back to my maid... Should I insist to carry her for few nights? and see if she is ok?

Does all the working parents will take care of their toddlers at night time even they have a helper? And how can you manage your work at daytime?

 

[TheQuasimother]

Does all the working parents will take care of their toddlers at night time even they have a helper? And how can you manage your work at daytime?

Yes I do - With two cups of coffee or tea a day (One a day now that I'm pregnant with No. 2). My helper is not responsible for my child the minute I walk through the door unless I am downright exhausted or have a had a difficult day at work and need time out. I try to get home by 6 p.m. everyday. I get two hours with him every working day. At night, either my husband or I will get up. I find it far more effective if I got up as I'm a light sleeper and am quick to nip the problem in the bud. With my husband, my child whinges more, cries more, asks for more. With me, it's just no-nonsense and our child from very young knows this. So I get to sleep again lots faster!

Where I'm from, working mums don't have the luxury of helpers. They pick the kids up from creche at the end of the work day and still have to make dinner and tidy up and spend time with their children. So, I try not to think about how hard it is but think about how much easier it is than if I were back home.

 

[carang]

i'm sorry you found my honest answers to be offensive.

to answer your last question:

I woke up with both of my children... only in the past 6 months has my daughter slept through (she's almost 3.5 yrs old). I run my own business and work about 60 hours/week, luckily some of it is from home.

the ONLY time my helper assisted with nights was for about a month (and even then we three alternated, mum, dad & helper) right after my daughter was born. she helped IF my son woke up because of the crying newborn.

 

[asdasd]

(Does all the working parents will take care of their toddlers at night time even they have a helper? And how can you manage your work at daytime?)

Most parents in Britain need to work and look after children on their own without any help from grannies or helpers, you just get on with what you have.

from day 1 we realised I was pregnant, mentally we were ready not to have sleep when our baby is here. I suppose looking after children is the job all parents do.

If you need to work during the day and pass the baby to your helpers during the night, is there any bonding between you and the twins?