am I being mean?

[somebodyfamous]

wow, I'm amazed at your patience with her. You need another helper, she's adding stress to your lives.... Good luck in finding one.

If I suggested to my helper to eat at a certain time, with an explanation why - my helper would either eat it then or after 12 noon - her choice - but she wouldn't argue with me or cry or raise her voice. So you're not being mean, you're being manipulated by your helper.

 

[aussiegal]

It really sounds like you've been reasonable. She just shouldn't raise her voice at your for anything.

As for the smelly thing sorry to say but this made me really laugh. Whilst our helper doesn't have bad breath she has such a pungent smell that when we get up in the morning the entire house reeks of her despite the fact that she sleeps off the kitchen with two more doors separating her from the living room. I've given her heaps of toiletries, deodorant etc but it's just not helping. I hate bad smells (and this is bad) and don't know what to do. My husband who normally can't smell a thing comes home and complains about the smell that hits him when he walks in the door!

When she moved in with us I got her to wash all of her clothes but it didn't make any difference. I have to burn candles all day long and leave the kitchen window open even when it's hot because she sleeps just off it. I hate smelling bad odour in the kitchen of all places!

Apart from that she's pretty good! Anyone got any suggestions or been through what we are going through?

 

[Ewee]

Aussiegal: My old maid two years ago was really smelly arm pits. I end up buying an eletric room odor (Glades) and plug in! in the kitchen and front door. It works for us. Tx GOD! luckly-- our new maid is pretty clean.

Hope this will help.

 

[aussiegal]

thanks Ewee, I'll give that a try.

 

[barbwong_130]

I don?t think you are being mean because mean implies that you actually have bad feelings. But I think there is always a tendency to assume that others think the same way you do. And that if you explain your thinking they will, of course, agree with you. But I?ve learnt this isn?t true. Everyone bring different priorities and experiences to a situation, and with this situation we are adding in different cultures too.

I always try to imagine how I?d feel if my boss were saying it to me. (Again making the assumption that others will think like me.) I wouldn?t like my boss to question me about what I had for my breakfast and so I wouldn?t question my employees about it. I also don?t question my teenage children any more. If they feel hungry because they haven?t eaten breakfast then they will have to deal with it. It is their discomfort, not mine. And for some people it is only by living through the discomfort that motivates them to change the situation.

One tool I found very useful when bringing up my children, and I think it can also help with the employer/employee relationship, is to ask, ?Whose problem is it??

In the case of the breakfast it is clearly the maid?s problem and not the employers. So as the employer don?t worry about it. In the case of the bad smell it is the employer?s problem so deal with it.

 

[hannah1983]

hi everyone! especially joannek, i really felt sorry for your dh because she did took your kindness and being understanding for granted. she's lucky cause you hired her but she did not do her best. if you're still looking for a dh and if want to hire former hk dh direct from Philippines please check classifieds section of www.geoexpat.com there's a post there looking for a job or email me at [email protected], i will then send my resume and qualifications to you. by the way, i am very meticulous in regards of hygiene and cleanliness =)

thank you very much!

 

[mintycat]

My last maid really had an attitude problem too. Whenever I asked her to do something nicely, she did not look at me and just walked off to do it. She didn't even acknowlege she heard me. I mean, she went and did the job but she pulled a face and just never responded. When I gave her something (like a new box of chocolate, or some of my old stuff that I was going to give away but I always checked to see if she wanted them first), she'd say, "ok ok" and point to the counter and asked me to leave it there. She wouldn't even look me in the eye and say thank you.

As for eating, my helper eats whenever she wants. Sometimes I will notice she doesn't eat breakfast but she tells me she doesn't feel like eating it so I let it be. She is a grown woman. I skip meals sometimes too when I am not pregnant.

I also have a problem with bad smelling kitchen. I think the culprit are towels that are a little mildewed due to the humid weather in HK. If she uses a smelly towel to clean the kitchen counter tops, of course the smell will linger. So I ask her to clean the kitchen towels often and dry them in the dryer (she used to air dry them) thoroughly before using them.

 

[joannek]

well, i guess barb wong is right. i just felt because she didn't have time to eat, then i should let her eat before we leave the house. but since she's a grown woman & she should know what time we leave (my daughter has a set weekly schedule), if she didn't get up earlier to eat her breakfast, that's her problem.

but the thing is, she cannot leave my daughter by herself, so i always have to "give her time to eat" while someone else attend to my daughter....

 

[luvourbb]

joannek, you are truly not mean at all, you are a very reasonable and kind employer. You better fire your maid before she steps on your head.

My indonesian maid is not only extremely slow (it takes her exactly 1 hour to mince 4 pieces of garlic) but she is lazy (sleeps at 8pm and wakes up at 8:30am everyday), rude, and always talks back whenever I ask her to do something. I hire indo maid because I am indo myself, but it turns out to be my worst nightmare. I have given her 1-month termination notice. I can't stand her anymore.

 

[geiboyi]

I do hope everyone bitching about their maids is paying them at least the full minimum salary. When a large number of Indonesian helpers were interviewed last year (I think) it turned out that way more than half of them were being underpaid. I could get up from my desk now and locate plenty of underpaying employers in my company (who seem to see nothing wrong with it, because 'it's a lot of money for an Indonesian' - I would love to see their reaction if I used that excuse for a Chinese employee - well, money goes further in China, it's ok to pay Chinese people less...). Honestly now, everyone? And that includes paying for accommodation, the govt levy, all statutory holidays... (And, honestly, telling your maid to eat NOW - if you trust her to look after your child then you should really be able to trust her to know when she's hungry herself.)