Advice Needed - I found my MIL very annoying

[AndreaY]

I am sure when you do not like someone, a sec with them is too much, but let's be honest, 1 hour or so every week is not really a lot of time for a grandparent to see grandchildren.

My personal opinion is that you should just find the best way to suck it up, you are talking about your husband's mother here. Am sure you would not like it either if someone says things about your parents, especially if it's from your supposed nearest and dearest, whether it's true or not. If you keep showing your displeasure, it will only drive a wedge between you and your husband.

Don't know about your mil, but if it were me getting really negative messages from my dil, I may have a word or two with my son about it. If that happens, it will just put your husband in a very bad situation, torn between the 2 of you.

Another thing is that children pick up tension and animosity like they have a radar on the back of their heads, even if they are young. Your children's relationship with their grandmother will also be affected by your attitude. I am not on your mil's side, but for the sake of your children and your husband, you should try to find a way to solve the matter.

If it is not something you can solve with your mil, like suggested before, maybe you can make just make sure you do not have to confront her when she is around.

 

[Shenzhennifer]

My MIL came to `help out` for 2 weeks as soon as I got out of the hospital. My hormones were flying, I was getting used to being a mother, and all I wanted was for my husband and I to bond with our little one ourselves for awhile, but I couldn`t exactly decline the offer which was proposed when I was 5 months pregnant.
It was awful. I also found her to be the most annoying person. My husband was gone all day and left me alone with her and all I wanted to do was sleep and take care of my baby, but when someone else, a GUEST, is staying in your house, it`s pretty hard. And she doesn`t speak English, and I barely speak her language, especially baby vocabulary.
We even had a fight at one point when it was me against my husband and his mother. I still have trouble forgetting about that. Although it was only for 2 weeks, I couldn`t bite my tongue, I couldn`t grin and bear it.
Now, almost 2 months later, I feel bad about how I acted sometimes, especially the way I was territorial about my baby. I am more relaxed now in every way, but she was not able to see that. I`m pretty sure she hates me.
I don`t have any advice. I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel annoyed with her just being there. But it sounds like something you will have to get used to. I`m sure you will with time. you are also a new mother and probably also territorial about your baby. I`m sure there will come the time when you will welcome her extra hands, just so you can get some time on your own.
In the meantime, stay strong and try to bite your tongue and watch your facial expressions!!

 

[lylee]

I can totally understand how you feel & I felt the same about my MIL. Whilst I was still at the hospital & in the breastfeeding room, she called me 12x within a matter of an hour. She tagged along when we brought the baby home, she called me several times a day offering to 'help out' after we came home... I found her very annoying & extremely obsessed about the baby (her first grandchild). I also didn't trust her with my baby since she didn't raise her own 2 babies as she was working at that time & left them with her own mother. She wanted to sleep over when my husband was away on business trips (2 weeks after delivery) etc. etc. & the list goes on. I was so unhappy & stressed that I called my own Mom (who's lives overseas) every night to complain about MIL & cried a lot... She finally sensed I was annoyed & didn't need her help after ~2 months & left me alone. We now bring the baby over to their place every Sun for about 2 hours & she joins our morning strolls once/week. We're both trying to make an effort to rebuild the relationship now that it's been 6 months... All this has been very hard on my husband & he felt hurt that I kept on criticizing his Mom... we had a long talk about this recently. I'm more relaxed now & know that she'll always be my baby's grandchild. She's just very excited to have a first grandchild & loves my baby dearly. Some things she says I still tune out (Eg. will give my child junk food, let her watch lots of TV, will spoil her etc. etc.) & will eventually take the "what I don't see won't hurt" approach later on.
Anyway, take good care!

 

[Frenchy]

Hi BabyC,
As most of the other mums said... you are lucky your children have some grandparents close to them, I think it's a special bond and it will give them a family image that most of our kids won't have because we are far away from our own parents.
Does she come without being invited ? maybe you could invite her to come so she feels welcome, and do it when you feel the best time for you. Does she tell you things about your behaviour or your baby ? ok... just listen to her, ask her some advice, and just do what you want after ! but maybe one day she will really be a great help.
Maybe you can also wonder how you would like your son and daugther in law to treat you when you will be a grand-mother, and just try to walk in her shoes. Your family is maybe the biggest love of her life now !

 

[BabyC]

i might sound immature and unreasonable - but i just want my MIL to leave us alone and don't visit as i don't want to see her

when you don't like a person, a sec is like forever - and that's my feeling when i see my MIL

i am trying to put up a "happy" face when she visits because i don't want to put my husband in a difficult position

thanks all for the advice

 

[carang]

you pretty much have to "suck it up".
i mean, she isn't being unreasonable asking to see her grandchild for an hour once per week, is she?

the best thing to do is for you to use the time to do stuff for yourself... have your shower, get a haircut, a pedicure, a massage.... go to the supermarket etc.

that way, she gets what she wants... to see her grandchild...

you get what you want... not to be around her.

 

[carang]

ps> think about it another way...

she feels about your husband the same way you feel about your baby...

 

[mscheerful]

Well, think about it, we will be MIL some days.... i better be nice now to let my children see me nice to their grandparents! after 9 years, our relationship is getting better each day!

 

[BabyC]

i will try to "suck it up" but that doesn't mean that i "like" my MIL's visit but it is just that i do it for my husband - i don't want my husband to be unhappy - that's all

 

[carang]

that's fine... there's nothing to say that you have to like her. you do have to put up with her though.