accident

Happy V - When I wrote my first post, it was because she had first suggested that I release her if I was not satisfied with her. And with that kind of attitude, I did think about it. I am more than willing to pay her one month. I am just posting that question to see if that still applies if she was the one who did something wrong that caused the termination (as my friend had brought it up). Then in the morning, she acted like nothing had happened and her bad attitude was gone, so that was why I reneged and decided that termination was not a probability anymore right now.

Of course I know there will be varied opinions on a public forum and perhaps I did read your post the wrong way, maybe I am very sensitive right now because I am still reeling from what happened.

Fair enough you don't want to compare relationships between employers and helpers / employees. My point is I was completely shocked at her attitude because normally she is a very sweet and nice person but suddenly she turned around and acted completely different. That actually shocked me most out of the whole incident.

mel_g20 - Yes I also would've felt better if she had shown more remorse.
 
I am already in such a miserable state seeing my daughter with a hugely bandaged hand, she has to go to the doc to change the dressing every 2-3 days and I was told it will take 10-14 days to heal and I am dealing with a helper with an attitude problem and here you go picking on me telling me that nothing would've happened if I were to look after the kids myself.

I'm sorry but if the hand has to be bandaged, this is simply not an accident. Turning the cold water tap on and not checking the temperature is an accident. How many of us have done this to ourselves and NOT ended up in the hospital? I have for sure. If the bub was crying and the helper ignored the cry then that's negligence. Instinctively WE ALL know that if a baby's cry is a sign of distress. The helper here did not check.

Icing on the cake, shows no remorse (Quite typical of them to be on the defensive). Her behaviour is unacceptable given that this is beyond an accident.

I'm a working mum. If I feel that I can't trust the helper, out the door she goes. There's thousands of them and a GOOD find is RARE. So, if she's so blaze about it all, she ain't worth it. BTW, given that there is a doctor's report, you don't have to give her the month's notice to send her packing.

The whole unpleasant situation could have been avoided had she simply been remorseful. It's a pity she's decided to be on the defensive and show her true colours. Always happens.
 
Mintycat - I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and I hope she recovers soon.

I am with spockey and mel_g20. Accidents I can take but showing no remorse and being defensive is unacceptable. To me it's a sign that she is not genuinely a pleasant person. I would have been in tears, worried and apologetic if I had done this to a child.
 
So Sorry to hear that

Hi Mintycat,

I agree with Spockey. Her actions may constitute negligence. You may as an option if you really feel like it have a police investigation. Your child cannot defend herself right now so it's really up to you to defend her. Second degree burn is not a small thing.

What appals me the worst is her after action attitude. If she shows no remorse/guilt at all, I really don't think she is a very pleasant person. I would let her go, get her a plane ticket back to wherever she comes from.

If somebody here thinks that my suggestions are harsh, try being in the child's position, going through an unnecessary traumatic experience early in life plus scars or possibly surgery later on.

Anyway, good luck to you.
 
That's exactly how I feel, Spockey. The more I think about it, the more I think it's a case of carelessness and negligence. As Carang said, many of us have burned ourselves (and in my previous post I also admitted to accidentally turning on the hot tap water on my 3 year old) but ending up with a second degree burn? If the helper's hand was under the tap too, she could've pulled my baby's hand away after a few seconds, but the fact that her own hand was not under the tap meant that my daughter's hand was there for quite some time for it to result in a second degree burn even though she was screaming and crying. She is a 13 month old, not like my 3 year old who can tell me the water is hot.

I feel so sad that my baby cannot enjoy all the things we have planned like going to the water park, playing at the water table in the backyard, even bathing is a struggle now because I have to wrap her bandaged hand with saran wrap and then plastic bag every time and I need another person to help hold her hand up so as not to get water anywhere near the hand (doctor's advise).

Thanks for all the advise.
 
Do you trust her anymore?

If you don't it is just not going to work out. You will second guess everything. If you do trust her you can go on from here.
 
It is definitely a safety issue, not of what happened, but what may happen in the future. Personally, I would not feel safe to leave my little one with such a helper. Not even when I am in the house, let alone leaving the little one in the helper's care while I am at work.

rgds
 
If I were you I would ask her to pack her bags and leave after coming back to Hong Kong. If she loved or cared for your daughter even a little bit she would be concerned as to why she was crying during/ after the hand washing and worried sick at the hospital after knowing how much pain she had caused to her. She didn't seem to care what happened to the little one and how distraught you and your husband were. Her attitude reflects her thinking that you are over exaggerating the whole thing (Which by no means you are). I would not employ anyone who does not love or care about my child and that too after spending one year with them, seeing them grow. I am concerned when my 4 month old scratches her face accidently, a second degree burn due to someone else?s negligence would make me hysterical. I also think you are being too nice to her, maybe more than what she deserves right now. Hope your darling daughter recovers soon. Take care.
 
Actually I do not trust her anymore. She told my other helper as well as my mother's maid that what happened was a minor thing in her eyes because she sees it happen in the Philippines all the time and that she does not understand what our fuss is all about. She even complained to them about having to accompany us to the doctor to change the dressing every 2-3 days! Thus she really has NO remorse and her attitude towards me right after the incident was not out of guilt as HappyV suggested but a sign that she just cannot accept responsibility.
 
Then it's also a question of ignorance (in regards to the comparison between HK and the Philippines).

I understand your feelings. I also still think that her reaction of one born of ignorance, gulit and fear: not becuase she is innately a horrible or uncaring person. If she was, you would have seen it in the past year she worked for you.

Perhaps if you sit and explain your feelings and thoughts through with her, she has the chance to understand more about where you are coming from. If it is done in a context of 'this is where we need to go now as emplyer/emplyee' rather than talking about who has to give who how much notice, it creates a more sympathetic environment for you both. That way, she gains skill, you gain a more responsible helper, and you don't have to fire her.

I'm not negating the seriousness of what happened - but if you fire her, you have to be sure that what you'll end up with is better.
 
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