5 yr old can't sit still at school

[Valencia]

I've always had this problem which I never thought was. My 5yr & 2 months old is studying in a very traditional kind of local kindergarten, where they expect children from the age of 3 to sit very still and very quiet and attentive in class. She's got lots of complaints from her new class teacher since school started. Her complaints: she can't sit still and keep quiet at school. She has an urge to run around ( the playground is big) and get out of her seat every now and then, but not too seriously, maybe a few seconds, maybe once or twice in a week. She needs lots of attention from the teachers whereas they're unwilling to give, since the teacher-student ratio is 2 to 30. (She used to get lots of attention from the teachers and staff in her former kindergarten.) Her teacher even complains she slides down from her seat and turns her body around facing her classmate behind her. She always likes to step apart when her other classmates are lining up. She complains she's sometimes more talkative and expresses more opinions than she should.

What do you think? Sometimes I think her new class teacher is too harsh on her, but I don't sympathize with my child either. She can be a headache at times, overactive, but as long as she's obedient and good at her homework and exams, what more can I expect? She's been more or less the same since K1, and has really improved a lot, esp with her language ability. I've noticed a deterioration in her attention span and behaviour since she's changed to her present school earlier in march, but things have settled down and she likes school.

Fellow moms, tell me what you think. Her class teacher, unlike her former one in K2, starts complaining during the first week of schoo. Things have improved for a month or so, but she's becoming overactive this week again, so yesterday they took her away to the school's office since she's too disturbing to other kids, but then she was too talkative and kept on talking to the staff in the office, and disturbed them again.

Is my child normal at her age, or are they too harsh and too demanding of her? Btw, I don't believe there's such a thing as ADHD on this planet, and my child is pretty good at her school work, but merely hyperactive, which I never see as a problem. I think it's simply a sign of heathiness. Is the school, or most schools in HK, too traditional to accept them? We're a local family, and I prefer she stays in a traditional local school. Should I try to change her or the school's attitude? Thanks for reading my tedious post. Looking forward to your opinions and advice.

P.S. Her class teacher has been suggesting finding help from outside, which I merely see as a waste of money, since I don't see a problem with her, and I don't trust the so-called experts. She also suggested I communicated more with her, which I'm more than willing to do so.

 

[carang]

what you have described is a perfectly healthy 5 year old.

i would be EXTREMELY worried about a school where they believe that a child can "expresses more opinions than she should". is a child expected to have fewer opinions than an adult? or shoul they just no express them?

this is a main reason i WILL not send my child to a local school!!! my local hubby agrees with me.

i hope that it works out for your daughter and they don't beat every single ounce of independence and creativity out of her before her sixth birhtday!

 

[lynn cheung]

We're in the same boat, Valencia.
I have the same problem with my boy. He just turned 3 last week, and is in local kindie since August.
When we met his teacher last month, she pointed it out that though my son could learn things very fast, he liked to roam around. Once in a while he'd go out from his seat.
He's not naughty, though.
At home, he can sit still when we read together, or do arts/crafts, etc.
Or maybe it's because of the language? He speaks only English and Putonghua prior to kindie. His kindie is in Cantonese.
But he still learns a lot form the kindie:songs, poems, etc. He likes to sing/recite them at home.
I'd like to know what other mothers think about our problem, too. Thanks.

 

[Susanne]

I wouldn’t be worried about your child. I think the kindergarten and the teacher has very unusual expectations on a 5 year old. It isn’t normal to let a child sit still for such a long time. The teacher should really over think her teaching style.
Why dose the class teacher think your child has ADHD? Just your child can’t sit still?

 

[jools]

It is very important for young children to be able to express themselves using physical movement, it is one of the key factors in successful learning. To suggest otherwise shows a great misunderstanding of how children learn. Schools require children to sit still and be quiet, not becuase it optimises the child's learning, but becuase it is easier for the teacher to get his/her 'teaching' done.
In general we all fall into three categories when it comes to our prefered style of learning. We are either visual, auditory or kinaesthetic learners. If we are visual learners then we learn best when we are taught using pictures and symbols. For thos who are auditory learners then we prefer to hear our learning in order to process it. And for those who are kinaesthetic learners, they require movement to be involved in their learning-now that can mean as little as just tapping your fingers whilst you are listening to the teacher to actually physically moving around to make sense of what you are learning. Unfortunately most teachers are visual or auditory learners and therefore tend to present their teaching using their prefered learning style.
I would ask the teacher what they know about learning styles and how they are incorporating these into their lesson planning. You may have a kinaesthetic learner and therefore movement is imperative to their understanding. You may also have a bright young thing who is, quite frankly bored, at having to sit still and quiet all the time.
I do find it interesting that people want to jump on a label as quickly as they can, such as ADHD. Many children do have this disorder, however, to label every boisterous five year old, who is not prepared to sit still would be to label a significant proprtion of the school population. Before this label is attached to a child, lets remember we're talking about a child here, they are meant to move about and explore their environment, how else will they learn. If a school is not prepared to embrace the differences that children bring and develop ways of maximising each child's potential because they want them to sit still and be quiet, then it's not a school that I would want to send my children.
There that got that off my chest.

Jools

 

[barbwong_130]

I’d like to comment on your question,
”Should I try to change her or the school's attitude?”

I don’t think it would be healthy for your child to try and change her. And I believe that you are just opening yourself and your child for a lot of heart ache if you try to change the school’s attitude. Attitudes do change but rarely quickly enough to help a child who is already at the school.

When my first daughter started school she was in a very traditional school and I wanted to work with the school to find a better way of educating her. In the end we decided that that it was impossible to change the teacher’s and especially the headmistress’ attitudes. They had been working that way for a long time and weren’t about to change the way they worked for one child.

We found another school which was not so traditional in its outlook and changed schools. And although I still had criticisms about some aspects of the teaching, she was immediately much happier.

It is much easier to be an idealist and believe that you can change people’s attitudes when your children are not caught in the middle and suffering.

I’ve found that choosing schools and working with teachers to be the hardest part of parenting.

Best wishes,
Barb

 

[Valencia]

Thank you, moms, for your very valuable advices and opinions.:smile:

The school she's now attending has had a very long history and tradition. It's a girl's school, which means the girls are expected to be very obedient and quiet.

Her present class teacher has been complaining since the first week. I simply told her to expect it could be the best week of the semester, that things could be worse. Hopefully, things didn't turn out too bad, but then this month her school has lots of outings, and at the beginning of this week she's already very excited, looking forward to the outings.

I remember her K 1 class teacher in another school used to complain a lot with her school work and behaviour. Her K2 teacher in the same school was wonderful, and worked very well with her. After her changing to her present school, her new K2 teacher was patient with her, and didn't complain to me as much, though her behaviour remained as much the same. Her present K3 teacher seems, however, very intolerant of her disturbing behaviours. Sometimes I can't help thinking she's too harsh and strict towards her. However, she meant to be good, asked me to communicate more with my daughter. She did talk to her today in the outing. I think she too has a hard time in trying to discipline my daughter to the school's standards.

She did suggest ADHD, but I ruled that out at the very beginning. My child's good at her school work, and her teacher too agreed it's simply the lack of attention and discipline. I hope when she grows up her lack of discipline will slowly wear out, but her teacher wants me to find outside help to fix it. The problem is, I don't think she's undisciplined, but needs 1 or 2 more years to be like her peers, since her EQ and language ability is at least 1 year slower than her peers, and yet her teacher seems to be intolerant to that.

What I can do is threaten my child to behave, and ask her class teacher to be more patient with her. I am invited to watch her in class next week, and I'll see if she's really difficult or they're too demanding of her.

I have no idea what an untraditional kindergarten is like, and since she's destined to attend a traditional one, and meeting the standards is all we can do. Seeing that you all agree she's normal, then all I can blame is my decision and the standards here in Hong Kong.

Hopefully, if things turn out well, she'll start singing in a choir and having ballet lessons in a few months, which I hope will train her to be more attentive and give vent to her energy. One of the complaints from her teacher is she's dancing ballet at school, turning round and round.

Thanks again for all your valuable advices and opinions.

 

[Valencia]

Hi, Lynn cheung,

I sympathize with you too, since we're in the same boat.

However, we're a local family, which means my child speaks and understands Cantonese, so the language problem is not the same as your child's. However, since she doesn't talk as well and clear as her peers, nor understands the teacher as well, so she's not paying attention when she can't follow with her lessons.

The principal from her former kindie did suggest that she had problems, but when she caught up and did quite well in her exams, she never complained to me again. So, having a language problem or slower development doesn't mean doing bad in exams. Don't give up. What I'm hoping is she'll do well in her coming exam in order to silence her teachers and the headmistress.

I think her class teacher is experienced enough with children like her. I have no problem in disciplining my child, and I accept behaviours which seem pretty normal to me at her age.

Hi, carang,

Yes, you're right. They're killing her creativity, as most schools in HK are doing for ages. So I'm trying my best to conservate her last traces of creativity with my own lifestyle and teaching. That's why I'm always having a hard time defending my daughter and arguing with her teacher.

Thanks, buffybuff and jools, I agree with you two totally.

Hi, barbwong_130,

Thanks for sharing your experience. I do worry if she stays on this way if she goes up to P.1 and P.2, but hopefully she'll improve a lot by that time. Her class teacher is less optimistic, though. I've always had a hard time since my child's entered school, first with her behaviour, then with helping her catch up with schoolwork and exam. Now she's doing good in her exams, it's her boisterous behaviour I'm worried with again. Judging from my own childhood, I know how slow and energetic I was at her age, though I sat very still when in kindergarten. It's hard to explain, convince or even hope to change the school's attitude. I just hope her class teacher will stop complaining and ignore her behaviours if she wasn't too disturbing. As long as she's happy and doing well at school, I'm satisfied.

Valencia

 

[lynn cheung]

Hope your daughter will do well in her exam.

(I don't know whether my son's kindie has exams, but he has homework every week and I am still not used to the fact that children have homework in kindie yet).

My son seems happy with his school life, though. He still can't sit still for a long time, I'm sure, but his teacher doesn't say anything about it, just writes a remark that he's not too attentive.
Considering he always knows about his lessons at the school, sings new song and recites new poem every week to us, I'd say maybe he's paying attention even though he's roaming around.

Good luck, Valencia.

 

[Valencia]

Thanks, lynn cheung.

Here's a little update. This week I was invited to watch my girl in class, along with another mom in the same class. We didn't find anything wrong with her in that brief session of 1.5 hr, though in the PE class, she jumped into a bucket of balls and refused to get out, and the assistant teacher couldn't get her out. Then I went to give her a look and she sprang to her feet rightaway. When the visit was over, I was invited to have a 1 hr talk with the principal and teacher in chief, who'd never taught my daughter. They thought my daughter was a headache and suggested I seek professional help, which I bluntly refused. We came to an understanding that we had very diff ideas of educating my daughter.

The mom who was with me watching the class suggested I took my child to a test. She suspected she might be gifted. So I booked her to a assessment to see if she could get a referral letter to a free IQ test.

This morning I had a chat with her teaching class teacher. There I found out the truth. My child was good at drawing, very attentive and well-behaved in class, chatted with her classmates, very friendly with them. The picture I got from her school's class teacher and principal was that she always alienated herself, had little social reaction blah blah blah.

The lesson: never trust the words from a single person, esp the class teacher. My response: I'll see if she can change to another class, if not another school ASAP. She's a pretty normal, active, bright child, if not too boisterous, and I don't like her to be modelled by a die-hearted, stubborn teacher with no patience and love.